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Monday, September 17. 2007

Angi, Hal, Francessca and Chelsea

This past week has been one of those that ought to be forgotten, left in the back ridges of the memory where dementia will eventually grab them and filter the images into a miasma of unremembered and ambiguous flashbacks. That could backfire of course and fill my golden years with the unrelenting horrors of night sweats and nightmares.

On Saturday I took a test for the job of TSA screener — and failed. I’m not as smart as the man or woman asking us to take off our shoes at the airport? “Fuck me,” as the saying goes.

There was a bit of entertainment though. The conspiracy guy who has irrefutable proof 9/11 was an inside job also has irrefutable proof Bill and Hillary Clinton were highly paid lackeys of the most powerful drug lord in the United States and that this drug lord funneled millions of dollars in cocaine and arms through Mena, Arkansas wilst Bill was governor. Why didn’t Ken Starr get all of this in front of that grand jury? Well, he was probably part of the conspiracy too, bought and paid for by the same drug cartels that own the Clintons.

 You think young Chelsea is bought and paid for too? You know she’s a looker, now that she’s graduated college and making her way in the world. Wonder if she’d ever consider posing for Playboy? somebody ought to ask.
 Ask anyone who knows me, I’m a bad, bad man. I see an attractive, accomplished woman, young or older, doesn’t matter, and my first thoughts … well maybe my second or third thoughts … are always carnal in nature.
 Looking at a picture of Chelsea, I’m thinking, “full bush, landing strip or the full Brazilian?” I’m fantasizing the Brazilian (Social mores prevent me from illustrating the difference with photos).
 Chelsea is in the corporate world now, working in high finance. The training will come in handy when she takes over the family drug distribution business.
 Wonder if she’d be interested in an older guy, kind of a slacker, but cooks real good and can appreciate her physical beauty as well as her brains … maybe not even in that order! And he voted for her dad twice and will even vote for her mom, if that will seal the deal.

 The election process is so … my vote is up for sale: cash, gas or a piece of ass. Damn, I shoulda e-mailed that to John Kerry’s daughter Alexandra during the 2004 Democratic primaries. She’s in the movie business, but she looked real good in the black dress that hid nothing in the klieg lights. You never know, I coulda got lucky … eh … I voted for her dad anyway in the general election.

Conspiracy nuts are nothing if not entertaining. One thing for certain, they’re generally bi-partisan in their alarm! Bush ordered the attacks of 9-11, the Clintons are a major drug dealing syndicate and I’m just a poor schlub not bright enough to see the truth, unable to connect the dots and put it all together, this One World Order … well, the conspiracy nuts may have a point on that one; I did fail the test for TSA screener … (sigh) …

An apology should be in order, but it won’t be forthcoming, not today anyway. I’m in a funk and today (last night really) we were treated to our latest Cyber Girl of the Week. That usually puts me in a randy mood. This week it’s Francessca, also known as Valerie in her Casting Call portfolio. Muy Caliente! I had near fatal urges when her Cyber Girl photos were published!

But this month my heart belongs to Angi, another Chicago girl. She’s very nice but can be a bad, bad lady! A lethal trait for a bad, bad man such as myself, but if I can go out with a smile, WTF.

We get to vote on our favorite weekly Cyber Girls each month and then the winner is featured, four months later, as Cyber Girl of the Month. So this month I’ll vote for Angi, although Francessca really made me pause for a moment. There’s something to be said for a great personality and Angi is all that and more! She’s an artist, painting and installations from what I’ve seen, so she has a very fertile and creative mind. I gave her an idea, she may even try it. Anyway, who can focus on the sham that was the General Patraeus testimony (orchestrated by the White House) when there are important decisions to consider; Francessca or Angi? I’m sticking with Angi.

Besides, my pal Harold Effin Annen demands more bunnies. Harold is a bad, bad man as well. We were roommates once and did a fine job of corrupting a third roommate, Tom, who was younger and quite frankly, impressionable. We took full advantage of Tom’s naiveté at every opportunity, but now, 20 years later, Tom still likes us, or so Harold says.
 I call Harold “Hal.” As in Hal Breier, one time police-chief-for-life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Hal — Breier — was the typical “do as I say, not as I do” public official, who was a law and order guy publicly, but was the chief of one of the most corrupt police forces in America. Oh, and one of the most racist too. So, when I wanna yank Harold’s chain, I call him “Hal.”
 In 1987 I took Harold Effin Annen to his first Grateful Dead concert; June 26, Alpine Valley Music Theater in Troy, Wisconsin to be exact. It was a great night, we danced — Harold and I danced — and had one exemplary spiritual moment, in my case without the aid of chemical import. I still remember the moment during the “Estimated Prophet”-“Eyes of the World” jam (“Estimated Eyes”) we were holding each other’s arms, jumping up and down, screaming in a Jack Kerouac On the Road fashion: THIS IS FUCKIN’ GREAT! That remains a priceless moment of my history. Youth wasn’t wasted on us, we reveled in the moment.
 Hope you appreciate the shoutout — HAL!

Posted by Tim Forkes in Social Responsibility at 11:06 | Comments (2) | Trackbacks (0)

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