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Monday, May 4. 2009
Don’t Do It!
The Internets. Those long tubes carted around on big old flatbed trucks. Or, however former senator Ted Stevens described it … err … them. We can find all sorts of things on the Internets: forums for stock market junkies (day traders), political blogs, political forums, neo-Nazis, Socialists, people who claim to be Independents (but are really conservative and Republican because that’s all they support and vote for) Democrats, disgruntled Democrats (like those who want President Obama to instruct Eric Holder to bring charges against Dick Cheney and George W. Bush) and middle-of-the-roaders who are really Republican and haven’t been middle of the road politically since before they hit puberty.The gardening clubs, ham radio networks, Tour de France devotees, gourmet food lovers; sites for lovers or to find a lover, astronomy enthusiasts, astrology followers, those who subscribe to evolution and religionists who believe the Earth was created yesterday (geologically speaking); sites featuring nekkid men, more of them featuring nekkid women, sites with nekkid men and women doing things we only wish we could do … I’ll end my trail of tears there, but let’s not forget the social networking sites like MySpace and FaceBook!
FaceBook, now there’s something worth sitting for hours in front of a computer! You can upload photos, view the photos and videos of others, engage in electronic repartee, post cute messages on your Wall, post even funnier messages on the Walls of your friends, comment on photos and play games! Your five celebrity crushes, five cars you’d like to have in your garage, chess, Scrabble and of course poker. Texas Hold’em specifically.
Yes, that card game of the stars, the World Series of Poker mainstay, the beguiler of people who spend inordinate amounts of time on the Internets —like me.
My friend Eric, no stranger to useless occupation, sent, as a FaceBook gift, $100 in chips. Can’t let a gift go to waste so I logged into the poker scene just to see what was up. Ten hours later, I have over $22,000 in chips and whatever topic was intended for this screed has been long forgotten, kicked to the side as I placed my wagers, scrutinized the flop, evaluated the turn and sighed when none of the cards I needed floated in the river, thus ending my vainglorious designs on poker sainthood. It’s a bitch.
Poker is different than the other games one plays on FaceBook in that with poker, you sit transfixed to the table and the other players. You have to be, it requires constant participation. My brothers Ken and Tony and I are playing two games of Wordscraper, which is the FaceBook version of Scrabble. I’m getting my ass kicked in both games, but with that one we can play a move and then go back to sleep — or in the cases of my two brothers, go back to work. Can’t do that with poker.Unlike real games at a casino, the online version has a time limit for each player, a quirk I learned the hard way when several times, as I was trying to raise a bet, my seat was timed out and my icon removed from the table.
I would have had a Full House! Kings over sevens! My God! Have they no civility!?!?
But slowly you begin to learn the rules that matter, like that damn timer! There’s a little chat box so you can distract the other players with chatter; one can buy drinks for the other players and even hire a go-go dancer! Now there’s a nice distraction! Last night someone ordered dancing chickens for the table, what kind of crap is that?
And these people play so crazy! Going all in before the flop! With nearly every hand! Jeez! FaceBook poker isn’t the place to learn how to play like a pro, not in the least! Once you have a nice stack, you can withstand the stupidity, it’s no fun having to fold every time someone decides to bet $400.00, the normal buy-in for the 2/4-dollar tables.
And so it went, from my original $100 dollars until finally, at 3:30 a.m. nearly 10 hours after first logging on, I found myself with the designation of shark, in possession of $22,000 FaceBook poker dollars. If I could only transfer that to my bank accounts.
Yeah, I took a little break for food, late in the evening, too late really, but I was right back at it. I’m doomed should I return for then the addiction will be complete.
Today’s challenge, take my walk before logging into poker. When I’m done writing this I’ll go back to sleep — I hope — without pulling up FaceBook and poker.
Sunday John and I went walking on the Beachwalk again, just over two miles of Pacific and Mission Beaches. It was lovely but I forgot to bring my camera, instead relying on the camera in my phone. Pictures ain’t that great. We stopped at a nice little restaurant for lunch and got a nice picture there!Walking is so therapeutic, maybe I’ll continue walking on Sundays with John just to take advantage of the pleasant climate and nice company. Recovering from heart surgery can be fun! Do it with a friend, they’ll like it too!
Just don’t get them hooked on Internet poker. Damn you Eric!
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