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Friday, May 15. 2009
Fantasy and Madness
This morning I woke up from a dream with the lovely former Playboy model and Penthouse Pet Jaime Hammer. Sadly, it wasn’t a sordid dream filled with nudity and sex; no, she was having a farewell party at her home for all her diehard fans, a group that (naturally) includes me.About a month ago Jaime announced through MySpace she would be ending her nearly decade-long career as an adult model and wanted everyone to vote for her to win a Twistys contest so she could go out with a prize. I voted many times but sadly, she never placed in the top three. Click Here for Jaime’s free preview page.
Still, Jaime Hammer got me hooked on the Playboy Cyber Club nearly four years ago when I got an e-mail invitation to try it out for free for 30 days precisely when she debuted as the September 2005 Cyber Girl of the Month. She caught my attention; I was smitten. A graduate of Arizona and even more seductively, she’s three inches shorter than me! I was in love!
Over the years I’ve followed her career, momentarily subscribing to web sites that featured her, including her time as the November 2007 Penthouse Pet and for a time before that, to her own Web Site. Not so much for the content, which was always quite … err … picturesque … but because I am smitten … err … was … smitten.
Anyway, back to the dream. Well, to tell you how cruel my dreams can be, she wore a sun dress the entire time (the party was taking place in her backyard), not once did she break down to a bikini or one piece even and when her boyfriend showed up — and this is the really cruel part — she went off for a while to have some alone time with the guy. If my dreams truly loved me, they would follow along with my daydreaming fantasies — you know, I’m the guy she goes off with for some alone time — but alas, they stick to some semblance of reality. How effed up is that!
Dreams … over-rated if you ask me. Sure, I should be grateful to be one of those special guests invited to her private soirée in my personal dream, but I’m a man of important fantasy dammit! My dreams should end with me getting the whole enchilada, or in this case, crème brulée. You get my drift. Give me daydreaming anytime over dreams.
Jaime, whatever you do from here, do it with peace, love and contentment!
My intentions for this blog were to comment on the Miss California USA imbroglio and the huge hypocrisy involved with it. Keith Olbermann referred to the Miss USA pageant as “soft porn,” although I wouldn’t label it that. I’ve seen soft porn and, my dear sir, this was nothing like what we get on Skinimax or Showtime! How dare you so cavalierly throw about such a loved term! Some of us Skinimax viewers were offended!On the other hand the Miss USA pageant is all about sex appeal; fantasy sex with models who gladly walk about a stage in quite revealing bikinis in order to garner favor with judges. How this plays into the hypocrisy comes later, although I must say both Olbermann and Jon Stewart pointed it out quite well on their shows.
This year the list of judges included a guy named Perez Hilton. When I first read the name a while back in connection to some other useless story about faux celebrities, I thought Perez Hilton was a woman. I never bothered to check the website because it really offered nothing of interest.
Turns out Perez Hilton is a guy with a bad hairstyle (for lack of a more appropriate term) who dresses badly, which, I guess, is the new fashion for men. I just woke up and my hair looks pretty nasty so maybe I won’t comb it. Anyway, Hilton’s blog is a celebrity gossip website (sponsored by Armani Exchange) which is why it’s never been of interest to me. What the Hell, if Perez is making a buck, by all means, this is America so success to you Perez Hilton.
As a judge in the Miss USA pageant, Perez Hilton asked Miss California, Carrie Prejean, her view on same-sex marriage. Miss Prejean’s rambling, almost nonsensical answer ended ultimately with her being against it, based on her religious beliefs. I’m okay with that. But she was the runner up to Miss USA and afterwards claimed she lost the tiara because of her answer to Hilton’s question. Talk about sour grapes!Personally, there’s nothing Carrie Prejean believes or promotes that I agree with, other than she’s hot and might be good in bed, the underlying premise of the Miss USA pageant. The fact that she appeared on the James Dobson radio program as a friendly guest is quite reprehensible and puts her in the league with radical fundamentalists who wish to destroy America. Jeez, Sarah Palin even came out of hiding to side with Prejean’s right to free speech.
An idiotic stance, as pointed out twice now on Countdown with Keith Olbermann. The first amendment applies to the government, not employers, as I have found out the hard way a couple of times. It says:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
Your employer — Prejean’s employer (the Miss USA Pageant) — can set a different standard. Yes, we can say anything we want, espouse any political views, but if we do it at the job or as a representative of our employers, they have the right to reprimand or even fire us if they feel it was inappropriate. As pointed out, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.
Carrie Prejean is no role model. She is a far right, religious radical demagogue who offers nothing but division and discrimination to America, two traits we’ve far too much of in our history.
But that’s not the hypocrisy. No, not in the least. Apparently, when she was 18 Carrie Prejean had some topless photos taken that clearly show her nipples. Really, how bad can that be? They were taken before the California pageant people paid for her breast enhancements.But in America, walking the catwalk on TV wearing nothing but a bikini is okay, but showing a woman’s nipples — SINFUL! It’s bullshit. So that’s where the hypocrisy on the part of pageant officials starts.
They were all set to strip Prejean of her tiara after the photos were made public and the real public relations battle began. Appearing nude in photos or videos was an affront to the purity and wholesomeness of the pageant’s reputation!
This wouldn’t have been the first time a model was stripped of such a title over nude photos. In 1983 Vanessa Williams lost her Miss America tiara because photos of her nude, taken years before the pageant, surfaced in Penthouse after she won the title. So this hypocrisy had precedent.
But that’s not even the end of the hypocrisy, and this is the part that hasn’t been made public. One of the California State pageant officials was (she recently resigned) Shanna Moakler. She began modeling at the age of 15 and won the Miss USA pageant in 1995 at the age of 20. Six years later she appeared as a Playboy Playmate — totally nude — Miss December, 2001.The California pageant officials wanted to strip Prejean of her title because she posed for photos showing her nipples, even though one of those officials had posed completely nude for the leading men’s magazine. That really was hypocritical and yet no one, not Olbermann, not Stewart, pointed out that little detail. I can’t post any nude photos here, the image-hosting site I use doesn’t allow it, but you can see some at This Link.
Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA pageant (that says a lot about the focus of the pageant), stepped in and kept pageant officials from firing Carrie Prejean. A couple days later Shanna Moakler resigned, for family reasons she said. Was it because Trump stepped in? Or, could Moakler have had a moment of conscience and clarity and seen the hypocrisy of criticizing someone for baring her nipples for the cameras when she had so clearly bared so much more? We will probably never know, but that’s a side of the story no one has mentioned, until now.
For the record, as pointed out many times in the past, I like Playboy and Playmates. In fact, Hugh Hefner just named Ida Ljungqvist (Miss March 2008, one of my favorites) the 2009 Playmate of the Year. She is also the 50th Anniversary Playmate of the Year and the first African-born Playmate of the Year.
So, it isn’t lightly that I criticize a Playmate, even by association. I happen to like Shanna Moakler.
I do criticize Playboy for terminating their association with Jaime Hammer in 2007. That was as stupid a move as they have made.
Carrie Prejean is a buffoon who espouses division and discrimination, but the Miss USA pageant is a nest of hypocrisy. The contest is all about sex and sex appeal and yet they have some stupid rule about the models showing their nipples publicly. Please!
If it were up to me, Jaime Hammer would be Miss USA! And Miss America!
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