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Thursday, December 24. 2009

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is here. It seems like only yesterday we were talking about Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, when the Christmas shopping season officially opened. Here it is, December 24th, but we still have a few hours left before zero hour. Last minute shoppers — THE MALLS ARE OPEN!

These days I usually only shop for the family, although this year I got my friend Wally a Hooters calendar, signed by one of the Hooters Girls featured in the calendar, my friend Claudia. Claudia … sigh … Such a beauty! It’s no wonder she’s featured in the calendar — April, if you’re wondering which month. I’m smitten!

Claudia is a Playboy Cyber Girl from January 2006 as well. That’s how we first came to know each other. Now she lives in Sandy Eggo County — I must be dreaming!

Claudia gave me the terrible news though. She works at the Oceanside Hooters, not the terrible news, but, a couple weeks ago she told me the Hooters in Pacific Beach had closed its doors! I KNOW! I couldn’t believe it either! Why on Earth would the proprietors (and corporation) close one of the most popular locations in Sandy Eggo?

Location, location, location. It was the only Hooters in Sandy Eggo with a view of the ocean and you can bet rent on that spot was exorbitant. In this economy it must have made perfect sense. Close the place with the highest overhead. Still, with a rooftop dining area with a sweeping panorama of the beach and ocean, this Hooters was the best place to get a breast … err … plate … full of wings.

They made a mistake. As far as Hooters go, the PB Hooters had some of the best breasts and thighs of all the Hooters in the area … err … wings and things is what I meant. This past year must have been tough, what with the ailing economy and the ban on drinking at the beach, but this past summer it always seemed to be filled with customers every time John and I topped off our Sunday walks at the beach with lunch. We usually had our lunch on that rooftop, with that fine, fine view of … err … the ocean.

What a heartbreaker. I loved that place. Sigh …

So anyway, my friend Ray took me to PB a couple weeks ago so I could do my Christmas shopping. That’s how I confirmed the awful truth about the PB Hooters — it’s close to where I do my shopping. It’s not like I didn’t believe Claudia, she’s never lied to me, but jeez, even when I was watching Walter Cronkite weep on TV I couldn’t believe President Kennedy had been assassinated.

Sure enough, as Ray and I pulled into the mini-mall that once housed the Hooters, I could see all the signage had been removed. DAMMIT!

Back to the shopping, but you gotta understand, the closing of one of my favorite restaurants is a shock. Okay, someone with the best of intentions is going to tell me there are many other Hooters to choose from in Sandy Eggo. Of course, there will be those who are offended by the very nature of Hooters and tell me all the Hooters around the world should be closed. Shut up! The PB Hooters was my favorite, just because of the location and the warm smiles of its servers!

Well Claudia, now the O’Side Hooters is my favorite! As long as you continue to work there.

Okay, now back to the shopping. I swear, when my head gets wrapped around a topic there’s no telling how long the tangent will go on. Christmas shopping.

So there I was one Saturday after work doing my shopping at the beach. Generally, as stated earlier, I only shop for family, this year being the exception in that I got something for Wally and Claudia.

What my family likes from me are some of the cool things we can find at the little beach vendors who normally cater to the tourists, which is how I came to be at Hooters, I mean the beach, shopping. I would have bought my nephew a cool Hooters T-Shirt had the place been open.

There is one vendor in particular that I like above the others in that location. I have no idea what the name of the place is, it’s open, no doors and I’ve never even bothered to look at a receipt to see a name, but it’s the open-air vendor run by two Asian women, next to Big Olaf’s ice cream. I’ve been shopping there for years. I should have got a picture when I was there. I do have another from the PB Hooters …
 I looked it up: the name of the place is Anana’s II.

In our family, ever since we were children, the custom for Christmas shopping was to get a name, shop for that person and get an inexpensive gift. Mom started the tradition well over 40 years ago when I was but a wee child. Probably before then even. Now, we include the adult children and spouses of the brothers and sisters.

So, back in the 90’s I was stumped on what to get one of my family members, can’t remember which one, and while I was at the beach having lunch at my favorite place for wings, I happened upon this little shop and all their wonderful stuff, clothing in particular. Voila! Shopping dilemma solved! Not to mention, everything is marked down to off-season prices.

That item of clothing was such a hit I’ve been going to this same location ever since. I’m giving away my shopping secret. Anyway, this year my Secret Santa name was my sister Mary Lou. Yes, the same Mary Lou who seems to be irreversibly aligned with the forces of political evil — but makes THE BEST peanut butter cookies in all the world. So, I look the other way when she sends those horrendous chain e-mails about the Obamas.

And she’s my sister and I love her dearly so no amount of political foolishness on her part will ever make me stop loving and caring about Mary Lou — or any of my sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews or in-laws for that matter.
 Of course, if I ever got married that in-laws part might change …

Because I wasn’t sure of Mary Lou’s size, I had to call my other sister Elaine to get some Good Orderly Direction. Lainey is a good person to call for that.

All three of my sisters are short, “petite” might be the polite, girly term. But they all have BIG … err … well, they’re all triple-D’s or larger lets say. So, do I get medium, large or extra large? Had to know. Elaine assured me Mary Lou would look fine in large and she, Elaine, prefers extra large because, and I kid you not, Lainey says she’s taller than MLou! Neither one of them tops five feet so I found that bit of information entertaining!

So, in the course of our telephone conversation inspiration hit and I got something for Lainey as well, in fact matching what I had got for our sister MLou! I was really proud of my feat of brotherly-sisterly love. Mary Lou and Elaine have matching “stuff” from me, purchased at my favorite place to shop.

So, whilst day-dreaming at home about my two sisters wearing the matching “stuff” for pictures and family barbeques, I remembered there’s a third sister who might feel a little left out — Cheryl. You see, I hadn’t been talking to Cheryl whilst shopping for Mary Lou so she didn’t enter into my mind at that moment.

But I love Cheryl just as dearly as Mary Lou and Elaine … so off to Anana’s II I went to get a third set of matching “stuff.” DAMMIT! This year my three sisters will have matching stuff from Pacific Beach in Sandy Eggo, my theory being that as part of my Secret Santa gift for my Dear Sister Mary Lou, she will not only get some stuff, but it will be matching stuff she can share with her two sisters.

I don’t think the three girls have had matching stuff in decades. This year they will. My present to you then, Mary Lou, is you will once again share something with your sisters no one else shares with you. With much love: Merry Christmas Mary Lou …

And Merry Christmas to everyone who might read this — even those of you who think all the Hooters in the world should be closed.

Feliz Navidad!

Posted by Tim Forkes in HOLIDAYS at 09:01 | Comments (2) | Trackbacks (0)

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