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Monday, June 28. 2010
Fairly Surprised
Sunday, I was carded for alcohol for the first time in my life — and I don’t even drink alcohol. The irony.“So how can that be,” you might be asking?
Being carded, or never being carded in the past? No matter. I’m a wordy writer and therefore both ends of that question will be answered, with far more words than needed.
Sunday my friend John and I got free tickets to the Del Mar Fair. Actually, it’s called the San Diego County Fair now. It’s been many years since I’ve been to the fair, so long that it was still called the Del Mar Fair. This will be the third time I’ve been to the fair in the 18-plus years I’ve lived in San Diego. The first time I went it was to see Jewell on the Grandstand Stage. That was in 1996. There was another time after that, but don’t really remember the details.
So Sunday, with our free tickets, we went to the Del Mar Fair — I mean the San Diego County Fair. We actually drove to a high school in Del Mar Heights, Torrey Pines High, and took a shuttle. That's the way to go. The buses get in and out of the fair, drop you off close to a gate — it’s just way easier than parking at the fair.
The biggest attraction (as always) is the food, all of it over-priced. I had two cobs of corn, a pork chop on a stick, chilidog and fish sandwich. That’s just about all the animal groups, except for poultry, And some veggies, if you count corn as a vegetable. That’s about 30 bucks worth of food right there. Then there was the $4.50 for the giant Diet Pepsi in the souvenir cup that could be refilled (three times) for just $2.25. It all adds up.
I did bring the cup home, it is a souvenir after all.
And you get all that crazy food like chocolate covered bacon. C’mon man! That’s just not right! And deep-fried butter … who the fuck is going to eat butter by itself? Deep-fried or otherwise?And it’s all on a stick. You can get just about any type of food on a stick. Fresh roasted artichoke hearts even; it’s all there in the midway. Ice cream of course. We’ve been getting ice cream on a stick forever though. Probably the biggest sellers: the corn on the cob and the smoked and roasted turkey legs. I didn’t have a turkey leg. John did and that was probably the best deal of all the food. There’s a lot of meat on that bone.
Potatoes in all configurations, deep-fried of course. Blooming onions, seafood of all types; the fair is all about the food.
It’s crowded as Hell too, if one believes Hell exists and it’s filled with all the unrepentant sinners from the past 10,000 years. The religious groups were there of course, passing out their little pamphlets: “How To Get To Heaven.”
My way of getting to “Heaven”: Find your dream girl, woo her and then have the best sex of your life with her, the kind of sex that leaves you laying there afterwards saying to yourself, “Wow!” It’s fleeting, but if you have the right partner, you can have Heaven nearly every night!Unless you’re married of course. Then you only have sex … oh, I don’t know. I’ve never been married, but we hear the stories. Once a week, or special occasions, like your birthday. Really? Once a year? The problem “they” say is that we tend to stop trying to be sexy once we’ve hooked up with our life partners.
The other version of getting to Heaven, the one that has us believing the stories in The Bible, I’m not buying that one. On the other hand, if there is a fiery place called Hell, that’s where I’ll be for eternity.
So anyway, the Del Mar Fair is crowded. Oh man! We went to the Ocean Beach Street Fair on Saturday and that was nowhere near as crowded as the Del Mar Fair. But it was crowded.
The midway was packed from side-to-side, from one end to the other. One thing I’ve never understood is why parents bring small children to the fair and expect to stay all day. By small, I mean under the age of five. With all the walking and excitement, a kid gets worn out and needs a nap. I’m an adult and I needed a nap by 4 p.m. Lots of small children were crying and throwing tantrums later in the day. Small children are good for 3-4 hours max. Then it’s time to go home. Having children requires sacrifice, one of the reasons, if not the main reason, I’ve never had any myself.Another draw of the fair: all the crap you can buy, like Sham-wows. One year I bought a squeegee type thing for cleaning everything. It was supposed to be the best for cleaning floors. Rarely used it. Well, I rarely cleaned the floor.
Then of course there is the home improvement stuff. Every place that sells pools and Jacuzzis had a display, awnings and window shades as well.
This is funny: to get into the fair we had to pass through a metal detector! No shit! We emptied all our pockets, took off our watches, put them in trays and then walked through the metal detector. I kept pining the damn thing! Turns out I had a quarter in my pocket and at least one of the staples in my breastbone from my surgery last year set off the detector. Man! Sensitive machines! I’ve gone through metal detectors before since the surgery and that was the first time my bare chest set one off.
So, we had to pass through the metal detector, and of course no weapons were allowed, not even penknives or garden tools — but once inside you could buy as many knives and other sharp objects as you wallet and plastic would allow! That’s one of the funny things about the fair.
There was entertainment of course. We watched Roller Derby for the first 30 minutes we were there. What are the rules for roller derby? I don’t even know, although just from watching one would guess each team has one person designated to get past the phalanx of other skaters. And then they do their best to knock each other down. The women take it seriously.Lot’s of music — and a hypnotist. We sat and listened to a guy, Tom Griesgraber, playing a Chapman Stick. The only other person I’ve seen playing one of those was Tony Levin with King Crimson and that was back in the 1980’s. He and his guitar-playing partner, Bert Lams were very good, some of the best music we heard all day.
We were going to try and stay until the Iron Maidens played, but it got cold, I was tired and well, hot chicks playing the music of Iron Maiden just lost it’s appeal around 7:30. We did hear the band before them, Wayward Sons. They played all the classic rock from the 1970’s and all of them, except for the keyboard player, wore wigs. They were kind of cheesy, but good musicians nonetheless. The singer had a voice like that of Journey’s most notable singer, Steve Perry so they did a few tunes by Journey, Boston, Queen, any band that requires a high tenor for a singer.
Some people in the Coors Light Rock On Stage area had small children with them, but they left when the lead singer simulated oral sex with the guitarist during a song. They all just picked up their kids and left!
And that’s how I came to get carded for alcohol. To get into the Coors Light Rock On Stage you had to be 21 or with a parent or guardian. The bouncer at the entry insisted I show my I.D. So I did. Can’t recall ever being carded for alcohol in my life. Even when in high school and I would go to a nearby bar or liquor store.
At the time, the drinking age in Wisconsin was 18. From the age of 15 I always looked 18, I guess, because no one ever questioned me. I would just walk in and order a beer. And then another and another. Then I joined the Marines and at the time anyone with a military I.D. could drink at the Enlisted Club. We had 17 year olds drinking. Then I was stationed in Arizona and at the time the drinking age was 19.
Never been carded. Until Sunday that is. And I no longer drink beer of any kind; well, root beer now and then. Can’t say there’s nothing surprising at the Del Mar Fair. The San Diego County Fair. The irony.
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