The Forkes Report

Tim's Favorite Blogs

The Weather
Ruffle Your Shuffle
Eschew Obfuscation
IM Earthling
Silk Road
The Huffington Post
Talking Points Memo
American Progress
Citizens For Ethics
Crooks And Liars
Common Cause

Media Matters

Blog Directories

Sunday, October 31. 2010

Happy Halloween!

Today is Halloween! One of my favorite Holidays! It’s at the top of my list because the trend has been, for a while now, young women especially, let their inner bad girl loose on this day/night! What can I say?

The thought I had for this year was this: since first seeing Bela Lugosi as the legendary Count Dracula, oh so many years ago, I’ve wanted to dress up as a vampire. Back in the day when I could have pulled off a Gary Oldham Dracula, or even a Bela Lugosi and maybe even a Frank Langella Dracula — I had all this long hair and a beard or goatee I didn’t wish to remove. So I didn’t.

Don’t have all that hair now, time has thinned and grayed it quite a bit, which wouldn’t be a bad look for Count Dracula, but now my body is more in the shape of a squash gourd. Thankfully, it doesn’t look like a pumpkin, but Count Dracula is supposed to be a dashing, sexually intoxicating creature. And I am not.

On the other hand, I could be a great Grandpa Munster! So, that was the plan, but … sigh … I didn’t quite get around to it. Getting dressed up for Halloween — properly — takes time and planning! My Dear and Lovely friend Claudia puts like, days and days into deciding and then implementing her costumes! Not gonna give away any of her secrets, but her creativity and drive to succeed and finish whatever she starts truly humbles me. Really. She is one of the most creative, and certainly, one of the smartest people I know. Kudos to you Claudia!

So, no costume this year. Back in the day, when still at the Shepherd Express — “Holy the vast lamb of the Middle Class! Holy the Crazy Shepherds of Rebellion!” — I was always dressed for Halloween. Apparently. Didn’t figure it out until one Halloween Weekend night I was walking down Brady Street to my car, late after the bands had stopped and it was time for a non-drinker like me to go home, when groups of people would stumble and fall out of the various bars on Brady.

From one such a group, a guy in a disheveled faux costume looked at me and said, “I get it! You’re Jerry Garcia!”

What?!? I wasn’t fat! I had long hair and a beard, was wearing a dark t-shirt under a leather jacket, but dammit! I wasn’t fat! Wouldn’t mind being Jerry Garcia though — without the diabetes and drug addiction of course. So, I shrugged and laughed and the thought slipped my mind.

Until the next bar and another group of stumbling patrons in disheveled Halloween costumes came stumbling out and another guy looked at me and said, “I know! You’re Cheech and Chong!”

Cheech and Chong? Okay, whatever. I’m Cheech and Chong. He probably meant just Tommy Chong. Or maybe he thought both of the comedy guys. Hell, a Cheech or Chong costume would be great! Carry around a nice G.Graphics bong, spreading one hits to anyone who wanted one. After Tuesday, we could probably get away with that too, here in California!

On the other hand, I no longer smoke or otherwise ingest marijuana, but I’m just saying, a Tommy Chong costume complete with a bong would be a great costume!

Ah, Cheech and Chong! “Earache my eye! You get your little fanny perpendicular ready and go to school!” Well, that’s not exactly how it goes, but close enough for blogosphere work!

Since that night, for several years, every Halloween I slightly adjusted my usual wardrobe and “dressed up” as either Jerry Garcia or Tommy Chong. Never thought to bring a bong along at the time. Dammit! And there were all those head shops on Brady Street! Eh, the police probably wouldn’t have seen the humor in a costume accessory that was used for the smoking of an illegal drug.

Not everyone celebrates Halloween. There are those, like Christine O’Donnell, who consider it an evil, Pagan holiday. She actually said, on Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect, some people fall victim to human sacrifices on Halloween! Religious fanatics make the funniest talk show participants. Usually.

The funniest thing about O’Donnell is that she has claimed to be a Good Catholic! Any good Catholic will tell you All Hallows Eve (Hallowe’en) is a religious holiday … sort of. It’s the precursor to All Saints Day (observed on November 1), which used to be a Holy Day of Obligation.

Now, back in the day when the Good Christians, i.e., Good Catholics, were forcibly converting the European cultures to the religion of Christ, to make it more palatable to the Celts, Normans, the Vandals and Visigoths, etc, the Good Catholics would make a Christian Holiday out of the “Pagan” holiday so the hordes would more easily assimilate into Christianity.

Along with the day of course came some of the European customs for those holidays, which is why we have holly wreaths, Yule logs and Christmas trees for Christmas, and carved pumpkins, scarecrows and costumes for Halloween. In the Celt society, the holiday was celebrated by people who carved pumpkins and wore scary costumes to ward off the evil spirits, which would come through the veil separating this world from the Underworld.

It took place at this time of year because the harvest was mostly over and the days would become much shorter. It was on this day, now Halloween, when that veil separating the two worlds was at its thinnest and spirits from the Underworld could easily cross back into this world.

Now, we just dress up — or not — and have fun! Halloween is for kids and adults! It’s just that the adult tricks and treats are far different from the kiddie tricks and treats most associated with Halloween. I really like some of the adult treats!
 I’m a sinner of the worst sort! A few years ago this survey was going around MySpace judging just how sinful we are. My score was almost 900 out of 1,000. My friend Veronica Tejeda, the Real Miami Heat and herself a naughty Catholic, saw my score and said I was surely going to Hell. But Hell, her score was over 500 so I assured her we would most likely have neighboring holes in Hell. I should be so lucky.

But Christine O’Donnell (and the crazies who think like her) doesn’t observe Halloween. My lovely sister Elaine, herself a darn good Catholic, is reprising her costume as a witch! Now THAT’s a great costume! She actually scared a few kids with it, she looks so authentic! Kudos to you Lainey!
 Oh yeah, in her first commercial for the general election, Christine O’Donnell assured everyone she is not a witch. Umm … thanks Christine. We know you’re not a witch. An idiot, but not a witch. And the separation of church and state, the “Establishment Clause,” is in the First Amendment.

Were Christine O’Donnell truly a good Catholic, she would be dressing as a witch or scarecrow and greeting the trick or treaters tonight with wonderful candies and, because she’s so religious, give the kids religious pamphlets! Those will scare the BeJesus out of them!

So, the moral of this story is, be a good Christian, dress up in a scary costume and celebrate this religious holiday! Or not, but make sure you have some candy on hand!

Posted by Tim Forkes in HOLIDAYS at 12:01 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)

(Page 1 of 1, totaling 1 entries)