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Tuesday, December 13. 2011

Tebowtized

Best news of the weekend: The Green Bay Packers remain unbeaten! Second best news: the San Diego Chargers won again. Jeez, not only did the Packers win the game, but they clinched the NFC North Division title and home field advantage throughout the playoffs, which means they get a bye in the first round of the playoffs, a big contrast to last year when they played on the road in every game.

Of course, the family in the Denver, CO area has been “Tebowtized.” What a bunch of wisenheimers too. I’m so burned up about this! Not the Tim Tebow thing, no, this goes back over a decade! Fourteen damn years, to be approximately accurate.

This is what happened. My Dear, Beloved, Sister and Brother ended up living in the Denver area for many years. So, they lived through the years when the John Elway-led Denver Broncos went to four Super Bowls only to lose them. For some reason — I don’t understand it — Sister and Brother became Broncos fans!

If you’re having the same reaction I’m having, it’s, “What the Hell’s wrong with those people? Didn’t they grow up in Packerland?”

That’s what I’m saying. They move to Denver — nice place, love the mountains — settle in and raise families and begin to become pillars of the Rocky Mountain community. Of course, they couldn’t watch Packers games every Sunday, they had to make do with what the local networks would give them, which meant the Broncos.

That’s understandable. Out here in Sandy Eggo we get the Chargers every week — if they sell out the “Q” for their home games — and then whatever other games the local networks deign to give us.

Man, if I see another infomercial with pitchman Montel Williams selling some therapy or product I’m going Postal on the local networks — in an electronic, e-mail sort of way. Okay, not really. There’s nothing I can do about the Montel Williams infomercials, or the reruns of dipshit sitcoms they run instead of football.
 Just so you know, in case you don’t, the “Q” is QualComm Stadium, named for the electronics firm that paid millions for naming rights over a decade ago. Before that it was Dick Murphy Stadium, named for the sports commentator who pushed to get a professional football team and the stadium for them to play in, the one the Chargers play in now.
 We used to call the stadium the “Murph.” In fact, we still do.
 If your local networks give you infomercials, Montel or otherwise, or reruns of dipshit sitcoms when they could be giving you professional football games, then you don’t live in a true sports town. San Diego is not a true sports town, which is the main reason the Chargers will move to Los Angeles within a few years.

Back to the Colorado Clan. They’ve been watching the Denver Broncos for decades now and it would be a surprise if they had no affection for the local team. To be honest, I root for the Chargers, if they’re not playing the Packers. Former Chargers quarterback Stan Humphries sold me on the Chargers. He’s my choice for greatest Charger of all time.

Now, fast forward to 1996. The Denver Broncos had been to the Super Bowl four times and lost. The Packers had been to the first two Super Bowls and won them both. But, that was then and this was … err, then, but three decades later. The Packers win the NFC Championship, taking home the George Halas Trophy and headed to New Orleans to face Drew Bledsoe and the New England Patriots.

On January 26, 1997, the Packers beat the Patriots for their 3rd Super Bowl championship and 12th world championship over all.

The next season starts and the Green Bay Packers are the clear favorites. In fact, everyone who is anyone in the sports betting world picks the Packers to win it all. Shoot! I even laid a few bets at Caliente in Tijuana and at a couple casinos in Vegas. It was the smart bet and the Packers would be winning that fourth Super Bowl in Sandy Eggo — at the Murph!

Well, the Packers did indeed win everything up to Super Bowl XXXII and all the prognosticators who set the odds and the point spread assured everyone this would be John Elway’s and the Broncos’ fifth loss in a Super Bowl. Man! Talk about persistence — or masochism.

So, Super Bowl XXXII rolls around and my Dear Brother Carl and I head over to the hotel in La Jolla where the Packers were staying. We waited in the lobby to watch the team walk in on the Saturday before the game. What struck me as the players sauntered in was their lackadaisical attitude, even though they would be playing in the biggest game of the season in about 24 hours. The only Packer not smiling was head coach Mike Holmgren and he looked more than serious, he looked worried.

No matter. Everyone told me the Broncos would be losing their fifth Super Bowl and Hell, I placed those bets and was expecting a spectacular payday come 9 p.m. Sunday evening (local time), give or take a few minutes.

Well, them … fuckin (there I said it! I dropped an F-Bomb!) Broncos won! How could the Packers lose? God, the pain! And the worst of it was, my effin wisenheimer brother Tony placed a bet with me, betting the Broncos would win!

And ever since, that turncoat Broncos fan and that entire Denver Clan have never let me forget, them [expletive deleted] Broncos beat the Packers in the one Super Bowl in which both teams appeared. Never mind that the Packers have won four and the Broncos only two; or that the Packers’ Super Bowl winning percentage is 80% compared to the Broncos’ Super Bowl winning percentage of 33%, there’s always that little detail, that technicality — that fact — the only time the Packers and Broncos met in a Super Bowl the Denver effin’ Broncos won.

I’m actually cursing right now, but that’s beside the point. Maybe not. Some people may be thinking, “Man! Let it go!” or, “Tim, lighten up!”

Trust me, I’m pretty effin’ calm compared to years past, believe you me! But now, the Broncos — and that Colorado Clan — have been Tebowtized and there’s a chance the Packers could be facing the Broncos in Super Bowl XLVI come February 5, 2012.

Tim Tebow, despite everyone saying he couldn’t do it, is a starting quarterback who is leading his team, them Denver Broncos, to one victory after another. They could very well win the AFC Western Division. Tebow, it appears, is a “comeback” quarterback, leading his team to last second victories over much more accomplished opponents.

Next week is the real test for the Broncos. The New England Patriots, who are 10-3 so far this season, head into Mile High … err, some corporate named stadium: Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium — you gotta be shittin’ me! Okay, that’s a whole different complaint. Let’s not get off on another tangent cause this one has already claimed this blog.

But, if the Denver Broncos beat the visiting New England Patriots, I will place a bet that the Denver Broncos will win the AFC Championship and once again hoist the Lamar Hunt Trophy over their heads.

If, of course, they get past the Patriots in the playoffs, and those guys from Houston, the Texans. Yeah! The newest team in the league has won their first division title, the AFC South Division, and are competing with the Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens for that coveted first round bye and home field advantage.

On top of that, our family has a Texas Clan just 40 miles west of Houston and they no doubt think their upstart Texans will be hoisting that Lamar Hunt trophy — in Houston no less — because Texans are just like that: they think they’re bigger and better than everyone else.
 Speaking of which: did you see the looks on the faces of the people in Jerry Jones’s box Sunday Night when the Cowboys lost to the New York Giants on a blocked chip shot field goal? Priceless!

But I say this to both the Colorado Clan and the Texas Clan; it ends when they meet the Packers in Super Bowl XLVI. I’m betting on it — again. The Packers better not lose this time.

Posted by Tim Forkes in Sports at 00:01 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)

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