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Thursday, December 22. 2011

A Short Ride, A Long Story

Wednesday Morning I got to spend a little time with my friend Ilona. Not much time really, she was just transporting me from Point A to Point B. She had her lovely baby daughter in the car seat.

The lovely Ilona and I have a short history, one of a truly virtuous nature, so it was nice to: A) speak with her on the phone Tuesday, and B) take a ride to Point B with her and catch up a little.

“What kind of a history are you talking about, Tim,” you may be asking? A virtuous one. We met through Bill a little over three years ago and then in March 2009, when I had my heart surgery, Ilona picked me up from the hospital and got me home in one piece. After that she would frequently stop by with healthy food and make sure I was doing okay and getting out there to do my walking.

Always in tow was her young son Spencer who is a pleasurable little guy. Anyway, Ilona did her best to have some of her good, healthy eating habits rub off on me.

So last week while walking home from Point C I happened to stop at the local In-n-Out to use the rest room and the next thing you know, I’m gobbling down a Double-Double and Animal Fries. Who knows how that happens, but it does. In what many consider characteristic fashion, I posted from In-n-Out, using my new Samsung smart phone, “Who can say “NO” to In-n-Out?”

Most people agreed, they couldn’t say “NO” to In-n-Out, but then there was the wisenheimer Vicki who chirped in, “I can!” And of course Ilona said she could as well and then asked, “…what happened Tim? My influence is gone?”

Well, I could not tell a lie … well, I could actually, but with Ilona it would be like lying to Mom, or Mother Superior. She has so much goodness and purity of heart, I couldn’t even lie through the World Wide Internets. “Yes,” I confessed, all her good influence had disappeared. It seemed appropriate that I take a time out for the rest of the afternoon so I got in the comfy chair, turned on the boobtube and promptly fell asleep.

On Wednesday Ilona picked me up at Point A and as we drove to Point B we started chatting. As it turns out, the Lovely Ilona reads this blog — and notices the lightly covered models that, on occasion, adorn this page. Well, it’s like nearly every occasion. Be that as it may, how we got to talking about this blog was quite interesting.

Her pleasant young son Spencer wasn’t with her, we can assume he was off in school, so I remarked that Spencer was born about the time the MTV “reality” show The Hills was on the air and I jokingly said she and her hubby must have been so enamored with that show they named their first born after one of the more odious characters on The Hills, Spencer Pratt.

We laughed and then she remarked about how what a sad coincidence her son was born at the same time The Hills was becoming popular. I had to agree with that one.

Then we got into talking about other members of that cast, in particular the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year Jayde Nicole. She was the girlfriend of series regular Brody Jenner, who is the son of Olympic gold Medalist Bruce Jenner who is now currently married to Kris Kardashian, mother to all those Kardashians of Reality TV ad nauseum fame.

Kris had formerly been married to Robert Kardashian, the business lawyer and friend of O.J. Simpson. Kris divorced Robert and married Bruce. Ilona remarked that going from the lawyer to the motivational speaker was a step up.

“Au contraire,” I said. Robert K. was pulling in the big bucks as a lawyer and, well, Bruce, he once had a career in TV after his athletic days and is now making his money as a motivational speaker. Obviously, Bruce Jenner is probably a real standup guy, the kind of person you’d want at your side when the going got tough, but compared to the income of a business lawyer, Bob K. looks like the man!

As an example, I told Ilona that if I had the choice between a super hot babe model that had a comfortable, but modest income or a fairly attractive woman lawyer pulling down 100K per month, I’m going with the lawyer!

Needless to say, Ilona found this hard to believe because she reads this blog and, well, takes notice of the lightly clothed hot babe models that occasionally (like nearly every occasion) adorn this page. “I kid you not,” I said! It’s the lawyer for me!

This is where it got … err … humorous. Ilona started laughing, noting that even the choices I make for myself are shallow, pitting one superficial denominator against another. What can I say? The “deep and meaningful” hasn’t worked for me, so now I’m thinking — fantasizing — outside the box.

But this got me to thinking: in one episode of The Hills Jayde Nicole was out partying in Hollywood with her friends at a bar where her arch rival … I forget her name … was also having a few cocktails with her friends. These two women are/were arch rivals because the rumor was, the babe whose name I can’t remember was supposedly trying to steal Brody Jenner away from Jayde Nicole.
 I just remembered her name: Audrina Patridge. She's a celebrity now, on the covers of all the “Laddie” magazines.

Well lo and behold, one of the friends that was out with Jayde was none other than 2008 Cyber Girl of the Year Jo Garcia! Okay, a few drinks were had by all and an argument ensued and the next thing you know, Jo Garcia is climbing over people to punch some woman upside the head! Now that’s the woman I want for a girlfriend and/or wife: One who’s ready to throw a punch as quickly and directly as Jo Garcia!
 Jo, are you single?

Alas, cooler heads prevailed and no one got punched, but still, she’s the one I’d like to have watching my back! On the other hand, piss her off and that could hurt and, bowing to reality (if only briefly) here, I’m at an age when getting punched would really hurt!

Back in the day, when I was a rootin’, tootin’, lean, green fightin’ machine (USMC), there were more than a few times my face and head met the business end of a punch. For the first time ever I’ll admit it hurt, every time. Once, for days afterwards, although that one wasn’t a punch, but a bar stool that glanced off my back and hit the side of my face. Long story, usual circumstances: too much alcohol, drunk Marines and scantily-clad bar girls.

Anyway, getting punched back then hurt and one can only imagine it hurts even more now. Plus, I no longer drink so I’d actually feel the punch when it happened.

So, that was my far too short ride with the lovely Ilona. I wish her and her family a hearty Happy Holidays and I’d like to extend my offer to baby sit young Spencer when he gets a little older. You’ve been such a good influence on me, I’d like to return the favor!

Posted by Tim Forkes in Life at 08:01 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)

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