Saturday, January 21. 2012
In professional wrestling they call this type of thing a Battle Royale. That wasn’t a debate, they were all there to knock each other out, in particular the two frontrunners, Mit Romney and Newt Gingrich. The former Speaker said as much about the Liberal from Massachusetts, “I don’t want to bloody his nose, I want to knock him out.”
In the beginning there were nine combatants on the stage, all vying for the semi-final crown, the opportunity, the chance, the privilege of taking on the champion, that Evil Socialist-Muslim-Extremist-Fascist — and Black man, don’t forget that — Barack Hussein Obama.
They battled on stage and off; all were in then out — and then maybe in again. Some were humiliated and some ignored the humiliation, at least in public until they couldn’t bear the scorn no more. Nine individuals, one of whom is a woman, all hoping to lead their team, their party to the Promised Land of Tampa, Florida and beyond.
It started with the bought and paid for Des Moines, Iowa Straw Poll. The woman, Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, won that battle. She bought up over six thousand votes, feted all who cared to participate with lavish barbeques and A-List entertainment in hopes that they would reward her by using the votes she gave them to vote for her. Sound confusing? You have to pay to vote in the Iowa Straw Poll. So all the candidates paid the cost for the voters and Bachmann paid more than the others.
Unfortunately for her, the Great White (Conservative) Hope announced his candidacy on the same day as the Iowa Straw Poll. All of a sudden the Straw Poll no longer mattered, the team had their star quarterback in the game and she was relegated to the far end of the bench.
And we had our first casualty: former Governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota. He brought up the rear in the Straw Poll and the entry of Governor Perry made it appear like the reasonable guy didn’t have a chance, so he dropped out.
But then he began to talk into the microphones and like many a Heisman Trophy winner, he proved to be not up to the task. They wanted that other guy, the big one from the Jersey Shore. He talked tough and told voters and others to go fuck themselves if they challenged him on nearly any issue.
But he was a no-go, Governor Chris Christie wasn’t going to leave the minor leagues.
The race before the voting dragged on and we had an entertainer in the race, the Pizza Man Herman Cain! He was up in the polls, people loved him and his gaffes were so funny late night comedians were begging him to stay in the race. But alas, the onslaught of allegations of extra-marital affairs and sexual assault forced him to resign his position as funniest clown in the clown car.
Thanks to Stephen Colbert, he made another appearance Friday in South Carolina. He endorsed the People!
As the best reality show on TV carried on, there were more casualties dropping off the trail. Jon Huntsman, the former Governor of Utah and former Ambassador to China. He had the temerity to say nice things about that president he last served.
Then Michele Bachmann, who had so much promise in August as she was buying the Iowa Straw Poll. She held her own in the debates at times, but could never get more than the minimum required to participate.
And finally the Great White (Conservative) Hope, with a wave to Newt Gingrich as he made his way back to Texas. At least in Texas he could take comfort in having a job.
And that left four remaining on stage as the curtain went up on the debate Thursday Night in Charleston, South Carolina.
Newt Gingrich came out swinging at the media, his favorite punching bag for the past 30 years, ever since he got into political office. Despite inviting the media to talk about his personal life, it was off limits once one of he ex-wives started talking. Newt’s first rule of campaigning: if you don’t have an answer to a question, at least one that makes him look good, then turn it around and attack the media — especially if you’re in a room of hard core Tea Party Republicans who are angry and love that red meat.
More than any other candidate, Gingrich has tapped into that anger; he knows the buttons to push, especially race. The Tea Party is angry Liberals control the Senate and the White House and worse yet, the Liberal in the White House is a Black Man. So, when Gingrich calls President Obama the “Food Stamp President” the White People in that audience rise up in jubilation.
When Gingrich puts African-American moderator Juan Williams “in his place” and the crowd roars their approval, Gingrich thanks them and makes a campaign ad out of the moment.
Then, on Thursday Night, Gingrich rode that wave of anger and turned his wrath from African-Americans to the media. First by attacking John King of CNN for taking Gingrich up on his invitation to ask about his personal life. And then, in the same rant, this little chestnut of a line that nearly brought the assembled crowd to their feet: “I’m tired of the elite media protecting Barack Obama by attacking Republicans.”
Here’s something to watch when Gingrich gets on stage in these debates. He says these red meat lines sincerely enough you almost think he believes what he says. The crowd roars and Gingrich pauses a bit to let his followers vent their emotions — and then he has that little smile, the one that acknowledges their approval and confirms for him, he’s pushed the right buttons. He loved it!
Forget about Rick Santorum and Doctor Paul. They may be in the Final Four of this round, but they won’t finish in the top two. Nope, that next level now belongs to Gingrich and … oh yeah … Mit Romney.
Poor Mit. Just a week ago all the pundits said the Republican nomination was all but wrapped up, that Mit was going to go three-for-three: Iowa, New Hampshire and then South Carolina. His poll numbers were so far above the others, there was, logically, no way any of the others could unseat Romney. And he had the money and ground game to go the distance.
But everyone keeps asking about his income and how much he pays in taxes. Not just the media, but his opponents in the primaries as well. More so even. That’s Mit’s Achilles’ Heel: he’s one of the 1% and doesn’t know how to deal with it.
And Gingrich was unleashed on the South Carolina crowd Monday Night and then again Thursday Night.
If that wasn’t bad enough for Mit Romney, before the debate started the Republican Party of Iowa called to say that oops, Governor Romney didn’t win the Iowa Caucuses, Senator Santorum won. What? What about his three-for-three plan? Romney handled the disappointment okay, he was still a close second, but dammit! A week ago everyone was patting him on the back for doing what no candidate had done before: win both the Iowa Caucuses and the New Hampshire Primary.
Now, on the day of the Republican Primary in South Carolina, Newt Gingrich was leading in most of the polls in South Carolina — some by double digits — and nationally, Romney’s lead over Gingrich was cut in half. Romney’s no doubt thinking, “What’s a rich White guy gotta do to win the nomination? Can’t a brother get a break?”
Either way, a rich White guy will win this primary.
Who let the dogs out, woof-woof.
By the end of the workday Friday the top Romney staff were telling their supporters their guy, their once three-for-three sure thing, was not expected to win. That honor was going to go to the man with three wives. Seriously, who is more of a Mormon in this race? The guy who tithed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or the Protestant-Turned-Catholic with three marriages under his belt — both the belt and marriages by now hidden by that big flopping over hanging belly?
And what has everyone been saying about the South Carolina Primary? Whichever candidate wins the Palmetto State goes on to win the nomination. Mit, some of us are truly starting to feel sorry for you dude! Seriously! The guy has spent most of five years and millions of his own money to be president and it looks like it just ain’t gonna happen.
Four years ago two Democratic senators went at it like pit bulls, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Hillary’s once philandering husband even pulled out the race card in South Carolina, to no avail. Eventually Obama won the nomination and finally the presidency.
What’s going on this cycle in the Republican Primaries is not without precedent. The only difference: the viciousness of the fight has been elevated, due in no small part to the Citizens United decision that allows anyone to spend any amount of undisclosed money on these campaigns.
This says a lot about that decision; the largest crowd to gather on Friday was for the rally set up by Stephen Colbert for he and Herman Cain. You know they will get more than 5% of the vote. Since anyone can vote there will be more than a few Democrats and wisenheimers voting for Cain, who is still on the ballot.
This has been the best reality show on TV. Florida is next, with a debate on Monday. Click This Link for the debate schedule and if you missed any of the debates, you can watch the entire debates that have taken place, sans commercials. Enjoy the show!
Hmmm, I mixed a lot of sports metaphors ... did I miss any?
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