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Wednesday, February 29. 2012

Leap!

Today is Leap Day — February 29th. It only comes around once every four years, but everyone knows that. Most people anyway. Julius Caesar started it all those centuries ago. His astronomer did the calculations of how long the year was — 365.242 days — so to make the calendar mathematically correct, Ole Julius added an extra day at the end of February.

So every four years we do this thing of making February one day longer. But, by doing so we actually add three extra days every 400 years. So, only century years that are evenly divided by 400 are Leap Years. Hence, 1900 was not a Leap Year, but 2000 was. So, if you were alive 12 years ago today, you lived through a rare day indeed! Sort of like seeing Haley’s Comet, but even more rare.

That’s the history of Leap Year and Leap Day. Well, the short answer. The Romans created the calendar we use today and then, in 1582, Pope Gregory XIII, the de facto leader of Rome, further tweaked it to make it more Christian-oriented and so we have the Gregorian Calendar. It’s really the Roman Calendar.

The Maya Calendar is said to be more accurate, but it’s so convoluted with it’s different cycles, or counts, of different lengths, some that repeat, no wonder they sacrificed humans. It relieved the agitation and stress of trying to keep it all straight. I’d prefer to stay with the Gregorian Calendar, unless of course the world really does end on December 21, 2012. Actually, if that is true, then it won’t matter which calendar I use — we’re all still toast.

The big deal about Leap Year though is: people who are born on February 29. You only get an actual birthday every four years. So, if you were born 60 years ago, you’re celebrating your 15th birthday today!

Leap Year Babies get special deals at restaurants, like at Hooters. They got some deal for you folks. I didn’t really look at the details of the offer, I was focused on other details.

But, this being America, everyone can get in on the Leap Year fun! Disneyland and Disney World are staying open 24 today, so now you can go ride Space Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean to you hearts content.
 Just an aside: do you think they’ll make a live action film from It’s A Small World?

For you men who just can’t commit, but you like having that warm body to sleep and have sex with every night (or so the fantasy goes), this is the day women can propose. Dudes, if you’ve been with this woman for a while in a committed relationship — especially if you’ve been living in sin (cohabitating) — and you say “NO” to your lover’s proposal, consider the relationship over!

Hopefully you were thinking ahead and bought a ring, just in case. And if she doesn’t pop the question, be a man and step up to the plate and propose to her! Don’t let her mother be right about you!
 This from a guy who’s never stepped up to that plate!

On the other hand: women, if the guy is so afraid of commitment, is he worth marrying? Just asking. And, don’t ask me1 I’m flat up saying “NO” right now! Not that there’s anyone thinking of asking … (cue the violins please)

Just another aside: How many people reading this had to do blood tests to get married? Most states have done away with the requirement, but do you know what ails your future spouse? I would also suggest a psychological evaluation. And of course Google him or her to check out the financial liabilities.

Back to Leap Year. Actually, there are no other Leap Year traditions. The woman asking the man to get married, or, if you go to a Sadie Hawkins Day Dance, the girls get to ask the guys to dance. Men, if you don’t like dancing, don’t go ‘cause if you say “NO” when the woman asks you to dance, you’re an effin’ pussy! I’m not going to any Sadie Hawkins Day dances tonight so I’m in the clear.

Shoot, if some woman calls and asks me to go to a Sadie Hawkins Day dance as her date, then I’ll have to go! And then dance! Shit, I’m turning the phone off. Sorry gals, you’ll just have to dance without me.
 “If there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt.”

On that Shakespearean note, I declare this Sadie Hawkins Day in progress!
Leap then! Leap I say! Leap!