Saturday, September 6. 2008
The general campaign has started. McCain and Palin started Friday in Cedarburg, Wisconsin. Close to my hometown of Milwaukee. They call it “small town” America. I call it a “suburb” in a metropolitan area of over a million. Is that really “small town?”
It’s in Ozaukee County, right north of Milwaukee County and it’s a bit of a bus ride from Downtown Milwaukee to downtown Cedarburg, but it’s also considered part of the Metropolitan Milwaukee area.
If they really wanted to start in a small town, a place I would recommend would be Hartford or Watertown, Wisconsin. A little further than Cedarburg, but neither are part of the Metro Milwaukee area. That’s been an oddity in both camps really. Going to suburbs and calling them “small towns.”
You really want to go “small town,” try Spooner, or smaller still, Webster, Wisconsin. Now that’s small town. Last time I checked, Webster had a population of about 500. Spooner, the “big city” about 30 miles to the east, has a population of just over 2,600 and is called the “Crossroads of the North.” It’s right in the heart of Wisconsin’s “Indian Head” tourist country, where thousands of Twin Cities residents come for year round activity.
Back in the day, I spent a lot of time in Webster, especially, and Spooner. If you like freshwater fishing: the lovely tastin’ perch, bass, bluegills, walleye pike, northern pike and the monster of freshwater fish: muskellunge! — The Muskie! — this is the place to do it! I’ve never caught a muskie, but I’ve had a variety of sunfish, bluegill, bass and northern and walleye pike. And more than my share of perch.
Yellow perch to be exact. Don’t know why, but when we went fishing with the old man, he didn’t want bass, or even walleye, he wanted specifically yellow perch and a few bluegill too. Don’t get me wrong, perch is some mighty good tasting fish, but I wanted to fish like the guys we saw on TV, fightin’ them big mouth bass, goin’ toe-to-toe with the northerns and muskies and gettin’ my picture in the paper with that world record fish; bass, northern or muskie, I wasn’t picky.
Once caught a 27-inch northern pike on the Namekagon River. We landed it, I was sharing a canoe with my cousin Joe, along with Joe’s pretty nice bass and when it came time to clean both fish for eating, we found them to be infested with worms. Bummer.
When the old man went fishing with his buddies, they’d go for the walleye. He never brought any of the fish home, begging the question: just exactly what were they doing on these fishing trips? Now that I’m an adult — chronologically speaking — the possibilities of what they were up to are clear, ’cause I’d be doin’ it too. Hell, I’m doing it now without having to lie and hide from a wife and kids!
From one of my favorite married friends, it ain’t the partying and nude dancers that are so much fun, it’s the thrill of knowing — or at least believing — they have “gotten away with it.” I’m not talking out of school here. Really, how many wives believe their husbands spend the entirety of their three day fishing trip actually fishing, sitting’ around a campfire talkin’ shit with the buds and eatin’ that fine, fresh food caught in whatever lake or river the hubbies claim to have been?
More like, the buds — if they actually do go to a camping area — load up the coolers with steaks from the local grocery store and if they do drop a couple lines in the water, they catch-and-release because, really, ever clean a fish? Who really wants to do that!
And then they speed over to the nearest strip club and take in the sights and joys of women dancing nekkid … yeppers. You can tell the ones who feel guilty about the deceit; they’re totally uncomfortable and want to leave. They even claim the nude women don’t turn them on. The reality is, the nude woman do turn them on and they just feel guilty about it because they believe, as married men, they should only get turned on by their wives.
Don’t go “fishing” with those guys. They’ll spoil the trip by insisting on sittin’ around a campfire talkin’ shit and eatin’ that fresh caught fish. And if you do go fishing with that guy and acquiesce to his weekend plans, make him clean all the fish.
And he’s usually the guy who, when he stops over, wants to peruse the Playboy’s you might have stashed on the book shelf. He makes all the usual cracks about Photoshopping, or if he’s really out of touch: airbrushing, women with enhanced boobs, etc., etc, etc. If you have friends like that, you know the drill. They aren’t aroused by the nude models, but they have to look at them anyway. You can imagine the battle going on in their psyches.
So, McCain and Palin were in “small town” Cedarburg, Wisconsin — giving speeches in front of one of the nation’s largest restaurant chains. Yeah, that’s real small town.
“But I like the Chocolate Factory!” Yes, I know, but that’s not the point.
McCain and Palin are fishing for votes right now. How do they do that? Not by talking about the issues, although McCain and Palin were/are determined to drill, drill, drill for more oil. They do it by insulting their opponents and everyone like them. Both Republican candidates denigrated all of us who do a little community service, laughing at it as if it has no merit. The irony, of course, is that the Republicans use Palin’s time in the PTA to pad her resume.
Palin was a small town mayor that, she said, is like being a community organizer only you have real responsibilities. Obviously, Governor Palin has no idea what community service entails and all the responsibilities that come with it, but like Republicans of past, facts aren’t critical when they’re looking for good applause lines.
Palin also said in her acceptance speech that she said “no thanks,” to Congress for the “Bridge to Nowhere.” But, in 2006, when she was running for governor, she was all for it, quoted in various Alaska news organizations as she supported the funding. Even after Congress, suffering the scrutiny from McCain’s stab at his colleague’s pork barrel spending, pulled the funding from the bill, Governor Palin still pushed to get the funding. She got about half, none of which she has returned and none of which has been used to build that bridge to Ketchikan.
She sure lies like a Republican, or at least like her running mate. And the reason McCain and Palin have taken the low road in their attacks on Obama and Biden is that they have no way to defend the last eight failed years under President Bush — eight years in which McCain supported Bush’s positions over 90% of the time. So bad mouthing their opponents is all they have to talk about.
This came to me while watching the McCain speech. Their campaign is based on bromides ripped off from action movies, good and bad. Aren’t the best parts of the Die Hard movies Bruce Willis’s quips? People laugh and cheer for those and so, in the absence of any substance the voters will agree with, they, McCain, Palin and their surrogates, engage in sarcasm and insults, fashioned after their favorite applause lines from those over-the-top action movies.
But that’s been the playbook from the start. Earlier this week McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis told Chris Sillizza of the Washington Post, “This election is not about issues. This election is about a composite view of what people take away from these candidates.”
So, according to the McCain campaign, the majority of American voters will mark their ballot based on the personalities of the candidates, not on the issues. Lucky them if that’s the case because if the voters make their choices based on issues, the Republicans will lose. So, the only offense in this game is to take the low road, insult their opponents and change the topic from the issues to their personalities. My guess is the Republicans will lose that debate too if Obama and Biden respond in kind.
Remember last year when McCain said he wouldn’t be taking the low road, that the campaign would be about the issues? Well, he wants to be president so bad he’ll do and say anything to try and win. The Straight Talk Express has left the building.
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