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Thursday, April 15. 2010
The 24 Hour Conspiracy
There’s no crying on 24, not Jack Bauer anyway! Jeez, here we are, in the final season of 24 and we see Jack Bauer cry. No way! Whose idea was that? This is the show that got Vice President Dick Cheney and his neocon lackeys to sit around a faux situation room and say, “Torture works! This TV program proves it!” Wonder what Cheney thinks now.Jack Bauer is unlucky in love. You become one of those super secret spies, flitting about the country thwarting conspiracies of foreign terrorists and domestic alike! Remember, for several seasons now Bauer and C.T.U. — the Counter Terrorism Unit — have been fighting a shadow government of Big Wig control freaks, by inference, the people who are really in charge of the country. You know, the Bilderberg Group, but in fictional form!
See the Bilderbergs, as portrayed on 24, manipulate the foreign terrorists to do their bidding, all in an effort to force Americans to see the world and the United States their way — it’s in dire need of a totalitarian government to keep everyone safe and by golly, they’re just the ones to do it!
Eh … I’m getting away from Jack Bauer’s unlucky love life. Back in the beginning of this program, I’ve seen every episode of every season so far, Jack had a thing going on with a HOT, HOT babe who worked for C.T.U., Audrey Raines, played by Kim Raver. She was in two early seasons, then was brought back for season six left in a coma — after the sixth day.
Real 24-philes don’t refer to them as “seasons,” they’re “days,” get it? Each season chronicles a 24 hour period, a full day, although the start time can start at any point in a day and conveniently, they always start on the hour!
And if you’re a real 24-phile you’ll be following it on the show’s website where you get a lot of back-story on the show’s characters.
Back to Kim Raver: we can now see her on Grey’s Anatomy every week. I don’t watch that show, even though it features Raver and Sandra Oh.So, in the course of these eight seasons our favorite domestic spy, Jack Bauer, has loved and lost twice … no, three times! In one season, he was on the lam, with an alias no less, and living with a woman with a young son. He had to leave them behind when terrorists decided to blow up Los Angeles with a nuclear bomb. As I recall, the terrorists succeeded with that one and it was up to Jack Bauer and C.T.U. to stop the other bombs from going off.
Well, maybe that was season two … or maybe season four … who can keep it all straight? I’m thinking of the season terrorists set off a nuclear bomb in Valencia, CA — blowing up Six Flags Magic Mountain! I like Magic Mountain! Maybe it was the same season Jack came to grips with his father and brother — and his father was in on the Bilderberg conspiracy! James Cromwell played Jack’s corrupt father.
See, that storyline in the show can’t really be a tangent for long because it always comes up every day — every 24 day. Let me reiterate, this isn’t the Bilderberg Group the producers of 24 are talking about, but some vague, shadowy, fictional conspiracy that wants to rule the United States and eventually, we should presume, the world!
Great idea. Take the roots of a “popular” conspiracy, like the Bilderberg Group, incorporate it into a storyline, but leave it vague, like the actual myth of the “real conspiracy,” — wait, this is getting too funny. Do we really believe the Bilderberg Group is a real organization bent on world domination? There really is a group of conspiracy theorists; conspiracy nuts (?) that believe the Bilderbergs are trying to rule the world. Many of them are the same nuts that believe the Bush Administration (43) planned and carried out the attacks of September 11, 2001.
Several years ago I “friended” a guy on MySpace who was really, deeply, convinced that theory was true. I tried to debate him on it, but his rhetoric steadily got more animated and violent-sounding, so I “unfriended” him.
You see, on MySpace, not all “friends” are friends. Same with FaceBook, although with that social site I’m a lot more discriminating about who I choose for a friend.So, this, the eighth day, is the final season of 24. There will be a feature film, but all good TV shows eventually come to an end. Since there will be a movie, we can assume Jack survives Day Eight. Too bad his girlfriend, F.B.I. agent Renee Walker, didn’t. That’s what caused Jack to cry.
Now wait a minute, just remembered that in Day One, Jack’s wife was killed, so he’s been unlucky in love four times. Jack’s daughter Kim, played by Elisha Cuthbert, survives! Thankfully, at least one hot babe in the series survives. Usually, the sexy ones are either one of the bad guys or they get killed. Why do TV shows do that? It’s like people hate beautiful women. I like beautiful women.
Speaking of beautiful women, my friend Claudia is competing in some Hooters Restaurant bikini contests here in San Diego County: Monday, April 19 at the Mission Valley Hooters, Thursday April 22 at the Rancho Bernardo store, Monday April 26 at the Gaslamp store and finally May 6 at the Oceanside Hooters, where Claudia works!
If you have a free night or two — or three or four — stop by one of those Hooters and cheer on Claudia! As a matter of fact, this Monday I’ll have to miss an episode of 24 to cheer on my dear friend!
You might be thinking, “Tim is such a sucker when the woman is so beautiful.” Actually, that’s true, but Claudia really is a friend and a sweetheart. There are few reasons I’d miss an episode of 24, and cheering on Claudia is a really great one! Not to mention, she’ll be in a hot bikini with about a dozen other Hooters Girls! I’m so predictable.So, this is the last season of 24. What will I do on Monday Nights? Guess I could take up reading books again. Time to buy an iPad. Then I can be a real 24-phile and “watch” it online.
Back to 24. I’m thinking the real story behind the program isn’t the various threats from terrorists, both foreign and domestic, but that shadowy group that’s behind every plot, that fictional Bilderberg Group. And I would bet the feature film will finally expose it, at least to we viewers who have been watching all these years. After all, what good would it be of the conspiracy was exposed and defeated in the fictional story? Sort of kills off the chance of doing a sequel, or two.
Not that conspiracy nuts ever shut up about their theories. Sheesh, the “Birthers” are still trying to convince us the president was born in Kenya and those nuts who believe George W. Bush and his cronies planned and carried out 9/11, they’re still out there too.
So, whatever the outcome of this season and the movie, we can always believe the shadow government will always exist. That’s the beauty of conspiracy theories: you can’t prove a negative, but we can always claim the theories are true, with just a few facts to make it real.
Which is probably the how and why of Dick Cheney and his cabal thinking torture works. It looks like it’s working for Jack Bauer, so why wouldn’t it work in real life? And what the heck, it’s on that fair and balanced network, FOX! 24 is sort of like reality TV that way — without the reality. I mean, really, a real Jack Bauer crying? No way!
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