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Tuesday, November 3. 2009

Thoughts on Marriage

Just had this thought — brought on from watching an episode of South Park — and it has to do with marriage. The episode had to do with Kathie Lee Gifford giving Cartman an award for writing an essay which turned out to be a completely plagiarized version of Thoreau’s Walden’s Pond.

So, 12 years ago Frank Gifford, former star football player and one of the original star commentators on Monday Night Football and Kathie Lee Gifford’s husband, was caught cheating! Now, that’s always big news when famous people are caught cheating on their spouses. Remember the shock when we found out Brad Pitt was stepping out on … sheesh, forget her name now. Never was a fan of her TV show. Jennifer Aniston! She’s pretty hot! Surprising I couldn’t remember her name.

Back to the Giffords, and this is slightly different than the Aniston-Brangelina saga. As I recall, Frank and Kathie Lee got married shortly after Frank Gifford’s divorce from his second wife, Astrid Narss, whom Gifford married shortly after divorcing his first wife, Maxine Ewert in 1978. At least for wives two and three, Frank Gifford was dating (and presumably having sex with) them while married to the previous wife.

So, in the case of Frank Gifford, with his personal history, why would Kathie Lee be surprised Frank was cheating? She was cheating with Frank while he was married. Did Kathie Lee really think Frank would end that behavior once he married her? You have to wonder how many other women Frank has had affairs with while married.
 In the tapes made by the woman, Suzen Johnson (yes she was paid by a tabloid to record one of their sex romps), Frank admitted she wasn’t the first woman he had an affair with while married to Kathie Lee.
 And this cheating didn’t count because Frank was set up. Now that’s a nice philosophy!

This is something I have no experience with, having never been married. I’ve been painfully in love with the wrong woman — twice — but never crossed that truly sacred threshold. The old cliché is that women think they can change “their man” once that rite is performed and the paper is duly finalized. I gotta know: do women really think their man will change once married?

Maybe one of the reasons I’ve never married is that I would never promise to change anything about my personality. I’d still subscribe to Playboy for instance. I’d still find sexy women to be sexy. Would I cheat? Hard to say. A vow is a sacred oath and taking those marriage vows are not just words, they are an extremely important, personal commitment.

On the other hand, I believe science is right when it produces evidence that humans are not, by biological design, monogamous creatures. It’s a learned behavior. I know people who have been happily monogamous for decades though, so remaining faithful to a spouse is not entirely out of the question. Love is a strong bond, probably the strongest and if a couple maintains that love it takes a lot to break it.

It saddens me when I see the marriages of my siblings and friends break up. Most of the time, probably all of the time, it has nothing to do with issues of fidelity. I wish we could all find happiness, as dictated by the “happy happy” element of society that insists marriage is the end all, be all, of love and human accomplishment.

We see it in nearly every commercial on TV — except in most beer commercials, which are all about hooking up with someone not your significant other. Car commercials, appliance commercials — BIG SCREEN TV SALES COMMERCIALS — you name it, there’s always a happy couple involved.

Then of course every jewelry store commercial is about that engagement ring. Well, that’s understandable. No it isn’t. How about a commercial for buying yourself a nice bit of jewelry? Just once this Holiday season. Or something for a friend or family member not your spouse. Just a little taste of reality in America.

Some of us are single, by choice, some by unhappy circumstance. But it is a reality, many Americans bear no resemblance to the fantasy perpetrated by the materialism of our commercial culture.

Marriage is a great thing — for some people — but statistics say it’s not for the majority who enter into that union. Even for some who have remained married for decades. But I feel sadness for those close to me who go through separation and divorce, regardless of the situation and who is primarily at fault. I really wish it were different.

Posted by Tim Forkes in Religion and Society at 00:01 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)

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