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Sunday, March 7. 2010
Man Mountain Mike and the Avatar Experience
Last night my friend John and I saw Avatar in 3-D IMAX. We went to the 10:35 show, assured that it would not only be not sold out (yeah I know, double negative — get over it), it wouldn’t be very crowded at all. Well, it wasn’t sold out, but it was crowded.First of all, it wasn’t in the BIG IMAX theater at the Edwards Mira Mesa multi-plex. I forget how many theaters that have in that place, somewhere in the neighborhood of a 122 or something. No matter. The IMAX theater with the BIG IMAX screen was reserved for Alice in Wonderland starring Johnny Depp, among others.
Haven’t seen that one yet but obviously the makers of it took some liberties with the story, if the Madhatter has a big role.
But the 3-D experience was definitely a step up. We were issued polarized glasses instead of those horrible red and blue jobbies we used to get when we were younger. The 3-D effect wasn’t as pronounced as I was expecting, but it was still there. In fact, I flinched once.
The floating, glowing white jellyfish-looking seed things were really cool in 3-D — but it was obviously all CGI animation, a very advanced state of CGI to be sure, but there were points in the film the animation was very evident.
Here’s one thing I found odd, if not downright insulting to my intelligence: the indigenous inhabitants of the fictional planet Pandora were not just blue, ten feet tall and had tails, they were all doe-eyed creatures, like in those sappy paintings of children begging in the streets. We feel sympathy for doe-eyed characters. Writer/director James Cameron held back no tricks to make this movie sappy.
But, the technology used to make this film made the price of the 3-D ticket worth it. Thanks to James Cameron we have an entirely new way to make and view motion pictures. I remember when, years ago, the first all-digital films were first shown in theaters. No celluloid film reels, just a digital projector.
If I’m not mistaken, the first all digital film I ever saw in a theater was Windtalkers, the story of the Navaho radiomen in the Marines who confounded the Japanese with their language when transmitting radio signals around the Pacific theater during World War II.
Nicholas Cage dies at the end of that one, protecting his Navaho radioman.
Today, virtually every film made is done digitally. They have to be, just to accommodate the special effects. Avatar will most likely have that same effect on the film industry. Anyone who makes a film on celluloid is a sap. I mean, it’s costlier in so many ways, not the least of which is distribution. You can put an entire film on a DVD and ship it for a tenth the cost of shipping 2-3 reels of celluloid.Purists of course will cite all those same nonsensical arguments they used when CD’s replaced vinyl records back in the late 1980’s. Yeah, I listened to both for comparison and the only difference was, on the CD we didn’t get the crackle and pop of dust and scratches that we did on vinyl records. “Warmth” my ass! Digital sound is better — cleaner.
What’s funny is that now CD technology is nearly obsolete. I’m listening to Jimi Hendrix as I type, generated through my Trusty Mac through a well-used iPod Classic. Any new music I want: just download it through iTunes. Haven’t bought a CD in years. In fact, the market for CD’s has fallen so drastically the CD Trader store in Poway closed its doors a couple years ago.
Same with motion pictures. That industry has moved into and past digital technology and Avatar is leading the movement. It’s slew of Academy Award nominations are primarily for the technical aspects of filmmaking, although it is nominated for Best Director (James Cameron) and Best Picture.
Really? Best picture? It isn’t that good of a story. As my friend Dan put it, Avatar is a science fiction version of Dances With Wolves. Except in this one the indigenous people win. The American Indians lost the Indian Wars … sort of. They started winning when they began opening casinos across America. Good for them! I love Barona and Mountain View casinos. And, as I recall, the original Dances With Wolves already won the Oscar for Best Picture.The real pain-in-the-ass of watching Avatar in 3-D and the small IMAX theater had nothing to do with the film itself. Going to a movie theater to see a movie — any movie — is an experience. Whether you enjoy a movie or not depends on the environment and those people around you.
That bit of reality was most evident Saturday Night when John and I sat down in the somewhat crowded — small — IMAX theater to watch Avatar in 3-D. Well, John wasn’t too affected and wasn’t aware of the situation until after the movie was over. He was too engrossed in the 3-D digital wonder taking place on the screen.
You see, about two minutes into the movie itself, not the trailer for the Viking-dragon cartoon coming out later this year, but two minutes into the film, two guys came into the theater — late.
John and I got in there with 20 minutes to spare, found some seats and took two, leaving the two next to the aisle (on my left) open. When the movie started I was glad no one was sitting there; being able to spread out during a two and a half hour movie sounded appealing.
But it was not to be.
In come to the two late arrivals and, wouldn’t you know it, they decide to sit in our row! And one of these two film crashers was the size of an overweight offensive lineman. First he had to stand in front of me as he and his friend tried to decide where to sit. Mind you, the movie was rolling.
“What the fuck,” I said under my breath!
After a few seconds Man Mountain Mike and his sidekick decided to sit in those two empty seats on my left, next to the aisle. O Dear.
So Man Mountain Mike sits down, squeezing into a seat that is clearly too small for his fat ass. And then he “spreads out,” his right elbow bopping me in the shoulder and head, his right leg pushing my leg (and body) to the right. As the film rolled on, the more Man Mountain Mike spread out and had me pushed up against my friend John who was beginning to think I was getting a bit too friendly. All these years he’s known me I’ve been heterosexual, but you never know …Then there was the smell. Sheesh! Ever smell someone who hasn’t showered in a week or two? It was two and a half hours of occasional torture. I stopped eating popcorn, which might have been a good thing anyway.
Years ago I learned it was time to start being loving and tolerant of others and everytime I got the urge to say something to Man Mountain Mike or, worse yet, jab him one good with my elbow, the thought ran through my mind, “Love and tolerance of others is our code.”
DAMMIT!
Eh, he was so big he probably could have squashed me with little or no effort anyway, but I demonstrated restraint of tongue and elbow.
Sunday Morning John and I were talking about it with friends. Everyone commiserated and our buddy Ray thought I would have enjoyed the movie if Man Mountain Mike hadn’t been sitting next to me. Possibly. I enjoyed Terminator when it first came out even though I knew it wasn’t destined for any great Oscar glory. I even liked Titanic, although I saw that one with a young damsel I was hot for at the time. That always makes the movie a better experience!
So, after chattering away about the whole Avatar in 3-D IMAX experience, with Man Mountain Mike, John innocently asked, “Why didn’t you say something? We could have moved down a seat!”
You mean, miss that whole experience, that two and a half hours of something to complain about for the next week? No way! What the Hell would I write about today if Man Mountain Mike hadn’t sat down next to me? Another movie review?All beings are subject to suffering, it’s part of the true nature of things, according to the Buddha and what’s the use of suffering if you can’t whine about it later? Move a seat down! Sheesh John! My experience with Avatar in 3-D IMAX wouldn’t be complete without it.
Don’t know what I’m gonna bitch about now though …
My friend Claudia, a Hooters Girl at the Oceanside, CA restaurant is vying for a shot at being in the 2011 Hooters Girl Calendar. She’s in the 2010 calendar (April) and actually went to the regional finals in the Hooters Girl contest, held in Long Beach, CA. Help her out and tell the people putting together the calendar to feature Claudia in their 2011 version! Click Here! She’s such a sweetheart!
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