The Forkes Report - Media Madness

Love Me

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:01:00 -0700

Wednesday I read the funniest thing on the Internets while looking for information on a topic that’s now totally forgotten. That’s one of the great drawbacks of the Internets: one can be easily distracted. Usually, for me, it’s something of an at least mildly prurient nature; Jennifer Anniston nude on the cover of … let me go check … GQ.

She’s actually hotter now than when she first burst into the limelight 14 years ago. She’s buff!

It’s so easy to get off topic. In fact, this was being written Wednesday, for Thursday … and I got sidetracked by the big news of the day: the president is on his “Rewrite My History” tour and the vice president, in a televised interview with Martha Raddatz, admitted he and several other highly placed Bush Administration officials signed off on and authorized torture.

So, relationships, as important as they may be, got shoved to the back-burner and if your stove is like mine, the back-burners are for pots and pans you’re not gonna use but once in a blue moon.

Although, whenever I concoct a holiday dinner, I use at least three of the burners and sometimes all of them, as well as the oven. But that’s so rare, I know the Dutch oven and the 4-inch saucepan are safe and out of the way until I might find a need for either. I just gotta remember to dust them off now and then.

Turning back to the topic at hand though, one that actually implicates Anniston to some degree for being complicit in a social epidemic — alleged social epidemic — let’s get into relationships!

So, I read this article and chuckled; my first thought being to write, “I’m very realistic, I’d marry a woman that looks like any Playboy Playmate, no particular look.” I love irony. But then I started reading the comments and what I find startling is the number people who actually believe this is a widely experienced problem. I'm sure there are some who are influenced in unrealistic ways by a variety of film genres, but to state that Hollywood is ruining relationships? Puh-leeze!

You know what’s unrealistic? Trying to live up to the fantasies we are told to uphold as the “right” ways to live, especially when it comes to relationships; that we are by natural design monogamous animals, that a supernatural being created us in his own image with the male as the head of the household and we should follow the rules codified in religious texts that were first written in the Iron Age.

All the married people I know realize relationships can be difficult sometimes; the husband isn’t going to walk through the door with roses every night and the wife isn't going to be a nymphomaniac in bed every night. And those are just the broad strokes. With each couple there are myriad of other clichés that don’t apply.

If someone bases his or her romantic life on movies like Ten Things I Hate About You or Sleepless in Seattle, that’s a sign to move on.
Also, not all romantic comedies follow one — or even two — plot formulas, there are many; not all Hollywood movies about romance and relationships depict unrealistic expectations of love, romance and relationships, not even all of the romantic comedies.

The influence of Hollywood is vastly over-stated.

One of my Dear Brothers has been married for nearly 25 years — a long, long time. He is the quintessential happy and contented married man. I envy his tranquility. Now, my guess is, his life isn’t always tranquil, after all he has a wife, two daughters and, I believe, at least one dog and one cat. The dog and cat by themselves would drive me up a wall! But the tumultuous vagaries of family life don’t dissuade him from enjoying the beauty and company of his family. Nor even the expense.

It would be a stretch by any measure to suggest he and his loved ones have been heavily, or even slightly, influenced by Hollywood and they see a lot of movies. They are just so damn normal it’s hard to believe this is the same brother who … err … I should ask him if his daughters read this before I write that.

At any rate, his family is more like the Ward and June Cleaver of our clan — except that they have two daughters instead of two sons.
 Ever wonder why we never saw the extended families of the Cleavers? I’ve often wondered if Wally and the Beav ever had cousins. Eddy Haskell was almost a cousin … well, not really. Regardless, I’d like to know!

On the other hand, I’m heavily influenced by movies. Just watched Casino Royale, the newer one with Daniel Craig. A lot of women tell me I look a lot like Daniel Craig (see the above photo), unless I’m taking my meds in which case the voices in my head are blessedly silent. It’s hard to get any sleep when there’s a bevy of beauties saying, “You’re so sexy,” in my ears.

So, I’ve been trying to mimic the mindset of James Bond, the new millennium version, a better version of James Bond than even Sean Connery and that old Scot defined the character. It’s hard though when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

In the scene when James/Daniel is walking out of the water, heading up to the beach front mansion with the hot, hot woman who had been riding a horse — I don’t look anything like that really.

Popular media though, could heavily influence teenagers, easily creating unrealistic expectations of love and romance and what it means to be an adult man or woman. I joined the Marines partly because that, in my view created in part by popular media, appeared to be what real men do. Well, some real men do join the military, but other real men join the Peace Corps, go to college and become president.

It’s all bullshit of course, the “relationships” we see in most films and television programs and as impressionable teenagers we pick up on that celluloid advice and try to play it out in real life. Where it usually fails and that’s how we learn the difference between the celluloid fantasy world and real life.

Stereotypes, exaggerated to the extreme, are what sell movie tickets and advertising revenue on TV and that’s mostly what we get. As teens we want nothing less than what our favorite characters have; what teenage boy wouldn’t want to be Hayden Panettiere’s boyfriend or for girls, Daniel Radliffe’s girlfriend? We make up all types of romantic fantasies for our favorite stars … and then we grow out of them — usually. I still relish mine!

Truthfully, whatever influence we might derive from Hollywood, be it television, movies or music, is all in our heads, like the vast and myriad romances I have with the women I gaze at lovingly on the computer. Love doesn’t have to be a battlefield and women don’t have to appear in a men’s magazine to be beautiful. It just sells the best in our celebrity-addicted society.

And most of the world’s beautiful women don’t appear in any magazines. We just entertain the fantasy that the ones who do are the standard, but most adults have moved past that narrow view.

Except for me of course. I’m still holding out for Playmate Colleen Marie!

The Virgin Controversy

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:01:00 -0700

Here’s a bit of over-publicized nonsense.

Let me preference this by first saying this had orginally been a part of yesterday’s column, but it grew too long so I used the power of the “Cut and Paste” function to make it today’s rant.

I’ve been a fan of Playboy since 1968 when I surreptitiously spied my first issue with my brother Rick down in the basement in the old man’s work room. We would smoke pot down there too!
 But that’s a different tale for another day. Rick and I did many naughty things in our formative years down in the old man’s work room!

Eldridge Cleaver was the interview, but more importantly — Cynthia Myers was the Playmate of the Month! I’ve been hooked ever since.

So, it was with great glee that I read about the Mexican edition of Playboy publishing their December issue with a depiction of model Maria Florencia Onori as the Virgin Mary — scantily clad of course. Well, not really that scanty, but quite suggestive nonetheless!

The news organizations are all reporting it as the Virgin Mary nude, which is hardly the case. Check the photo, but the news organizations have to make it as titillating as possible to grope in the viewers. Sex sells, but they should be honest about it: she isn’t nude.

What was disappointing though wasn’t the errant reporting, but the reaction from the offices of Playboy Enterprises once the complaints and condemnation started surfacing: they apologized for offending anyone! The kicker is, the Mexican edition is published by a licensee and Playboy, headquartered in Chicago, really has no influence over the editorial content of the Mexican edition. Sure, they can end the license agreement, but other than that, PEI has no control over how or what the Mexican publisher, Raul Sayrols, does with that magazine.

Both PEI and Sayrols apologized, which is nonsense. Why should they be sorry? Not to mention, why should PEI accept any responsibility? If the Catholic Church is offended, so what? The Church is never going to accept and approve of Playboy anyway.

Worse yet, in the apology, both PEI and Sayrols claimed the photo was not meant to suggest the Virgin Mary, but a depiction of a “Renaissance” they see occurring in the world today. Which is bullshit on a couple levels: A) More people today claim to be religious than at any other time and B) the cover most definitely was designed to suggest the mother of Jesus. They should retract the statements just on those points alone.

The funniest reaction came from the local priest of FOX News, Father Jonathan Morris. he said of the cover photo, “Sensing that the media feeding frenzy wouldn’t bring in purely positive publicity and facing a possible loss of advertising revenue, the publisher released what they called an ‘apology” on Friday.”

Feeding frenzy? I watch the news, like all day, and the only news channel — the only news channel — to get in a frenzy over it was FOX. The others mentioned it in most of their broadcast programs, but as of Tuesday, the story has disappeared. Father Jonathan, nothing Playboy International does brings in purely positive publicity, not even their many philanthropic endeavors that include reaching out to the men and women who serve or have served our country.

In the comments that followed Father Jonathan’s remarks, someone took him to task for spending time writing about the cover photo when we have so much suffering in the world. The good cleric wrote. “... if I were in Darfor today I wouldn’t be writing about a Mexican edition of Playboy, you can bet on that. But I’m not. I would like to be, for sure. And not only in Darfor. The world is full of suffering people. What, though, is the cause of most of this pain? It is selfishness, on a macro and micro scale. Magazine executives who are willing to disrespect the mother of Jesus by portraying her in the nude, are selfish. And with today’s media, their selfishness becomes culture …. It is for Darfor and beyond that I speak out against selfishness in all kinds.”

Aren’t you being disingenuous Father Jonathan? Whose stopping you from going to Darfor? And what does it matter whether you’re in Darfor or not? You can’t write about it because you’re not there? Bullshit! You don’t speak for Darfor or any of the other people suffering in the world! You speak only for the headlines that will get enough reader response to justify FOX giving you a paycheck and the suffering in Darfor isn’t sexy — the cover of the Mexican edition of Playboy is the titillation you’re after.

Even more egregious, in another’s comments to Father Jonathan’s blog, after quoting a few statistics about the number of Christians — and Catholics, being sure to separate the two — in Mexico, one writer suggested “we need to .k.i.l.l.” not only the people who bought the magazine (about 80,000 total), but the 5% of the Mexican population that don’t consider themselves Christian or Catholic.

In his reply to that, Father Jonathan questioned the writer’s references about the statistics, but agreed with the writer’s premise without any admonition for suggesting we kill 5.4 million people because they don’t believe Jesus Christ is the way.
 According to the Mexican census, as of 2007 Mexico has a population of 108,700,891.
 Makes you wonder: how many of them are actually here in the United States?

Real Christian values there Father Jonathan. And stop lying about the cover; the model is not nude. It’s a small lie to be sure, but you use it to sell your column and your employer’s brand and that’s really bullshit!

I love Playboy and the Playmates. When I was hospitalized over the holidays one year, Playboy was one of only two organizations that thought enough of my fellow patients and I to send people to visit in the hospitals and they continue that tradition today — quietly, without fanfare. They don’t do it for “purely positive publicity,” they do it because the company and the models — all volunteers — appreciate the sacrifice service people make to defend their security and right to publish or appear in a magazine (and web site) like Playboy.
 The other organization: The Miss America Pageant.

•••• •••• •••• ••••
On a happier note: one of my favorite Playboy models, Roxanne Dawn, said she has big news coming! She hasn’t given us the great details, but we do know it isn’t Roxanne as a Playmate of the Month. Too bad. But, her news is really big and when it’s official I’ll announce it here!

For now, I’ll just post a photo!

Funny

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:01:00 -0600

For three days I’ve been stewing about something to write. I’ve got nothing. John McCain as the next Republican is old news. We know he’s gonna campaign just like he said he wouldn’t …

Although at work we had an interesting conversation about Barack Obama. The common fear, among Obama supporters, is that some crazed loner with a gun will assassinate the Senator. In a country that has had many political assassinations in its history, that is a very real possibility.

In 1975, Squeaky Fromme got close enough to President Gerald Ford, but didn’t quit pull the trigger. Well, she didn’t have any rounds in the gun, a Colt.45. Lynette Fromme, to this day, remains devoted to Charlie Manson.

Charlie Manson, still alive and kicking at Corcoran State Correctional Facility. Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, George Carlin, Jerry Garcia and Frank Zappa; all dead and Charlie Manson still breaths, all of them (and plenty others I didn’t mention) have legacies for the world. The first five in the world of art and entertainment, and Manson in the annals of criminal history, itself a form of entertainment.

How many cop shows do we see now, not to mention all the “reality” crime shows. We love crime. Not so much punishment, although on TV there is a program called “Prison Break.” It’s starting its fourth season? How do you run a prison break over four years? It’s really quite simple actually. Season two the feds are after the escapees, season three finds the “heroes” hiding out in Panama, breaking someone out of a prison there — in the Central American prison, true to stereotype, the prison is run by the inmates — only to be double-crossed, after first double-crossing, the “bad guys.”

Now the heroes, two brothers with different last names, are teaming up with the F.B.I. to finally bring down the bad guys. What’s next? The Hunt for Usama bin Laden?

It doesn’t really matter what the content of the programming is these days, or the premise of the program. As long as a TV show has cute characters and good and evil are easily defined — the good guys always look like rough characters, but they have principles — it will remain in production long after someone says, “Jeez, this shit just doesn’t even resemble the first season.”

Remember how “Happy Days” struggled off into the sunset? Fonzi was a responsible member of society; had only one girl friend at a time, Joanie loved Chachi — in real life too, apparently; it was a sad end to a funny show that had its genesis with a classic American movie, American Graffiti.

Who knows how “Prison Break” will end. We know “M*A*S*H” ended with the end of the Korean War, only on television the war lasted 11 years, instead of three and it morphed from a comedy into a drama series. Radar “went home,” Klinger stopped wearing dresses, and the producers killed off Henry Blake! At the end of the second season! MacLean Stevenson wanted out of the program. As did Wayne Rodgers, who played Captain Trapper John McIntyre.

Usually, before a favorite show of mine goes off the air, I’ve stopped watching it, mainly because the producers don’t know when to end a good thing and milk the great program until it is nothing more than a sad caricature of itself.

Not so with “Seinfeld.” That ended at just the right time.

Here’s a curious thought to ponder: ever since I quit using drugs and drinking, I’ve stopped watching programs in syndication. Loved “Seinfeld,” but don’t watch it in syndication, yet I still say, occasionally, “Yadda-yadda-yadda,” or “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” and … I forget the other funny line oft quoted.
 Editor’s addendum: the once forgotten but oft spoken line from “Seinfeld:” “No soup for you!”

Back in the day “The Bob Newhart Show” was great in syndication for decades, mainly because the characters, an ensemble cast of great comedians and actors, were consistently funny, even after viewing episodes ten or more times. Being high does that to you. Everything’s funny … over and over and over; yadda-yadda-yadda. See? That’s not even funny … but I’m keeping it in there just to be funny, in an anti-social, rebel without a clue kinda way.

It’s not that we lose our humor as we sober up, it’s that we realize we’ve already laughed at the lines before. I have friends who still laugh at “Friends” and never miss a syndicated episode. And my friends are non-drinking fools just like me. I’ve never laughed at “Friends.” There was nothing original about it, although two of the actors in particular are in my favorites list: Lisa Kudrow and Matthew Perry.

Here it is, 700 words into this thing and I haven’t even mentioned the decline and fall of American civilization — as portrayed on broadcast television.

We all know torture became acceptable when “24” proved it worked. If Jack Bauer can get information out of a bad guy using less than savory methods, then why not the C.I.A.? “24” is one of Dick Cheney’s favorite shows. Jack Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland, is a reclusive, loner agent, the epitome of the strong, independent man working for the good guys, who himself doesn’t work well with authority, unless it’s “good” authority, vanquishing foe and bureaucracy with every season. He cuts through the red tape, dammit! And gets the job done!

In one season he was captured by the Chinese, now our good buddies and host of the Olympics, and then his girlfriend, played by Kim Raver — she’s HOT — was then kidnapped by the Chinese to trade for Jack Bauer. It was then we knew Jack Bauer could never have a long-term relationship with any woman.

Guess we’re gonna have another season starting in November. Wonder if Kim Raver will still be in the cast.
 In case you missed it, Senator John McCain had a cameo as a bureaucrat. He hands a file to Kim Raver’s character. Republican’s like this program! It portrays America as tough! But in a gentle, compassionate way!

For the most part, broadcast television is a cesspool designed for one purpose: generate ad revenue. The producers, for the most part, rehash the old, tried and true formats, place new characters and circumstances into the script and voila, you have the new hit show. What was original and funny about “Everybody Loves Raymond”? It starred Ray Romano, a fairly decent comedian in his day. They also had two great actors, Doris Roberts and Peter Boyle, who died before the show went off the air.

Even with Boyle I never watched it. Like most other sitcoms, the episodes were predictable and you knew who was going to get the laugh lines and when. Sadly, this type of program formatting works. Americans, by and large, are simple creatures, prone to everything that is “entertaining” and doesn’t require a lot of intellectual interaction.

But don’t tell that to fans of “Lost.” Can anyone really explain what that program is all about? I watched the first few episodes of the first season … and then stopped because I’d rather clip my toenails than watch “Lost.” But the fans claim it is the most intellectually stimulating program ever!

Now in it’s umpteenth season, the cast has gone from lost, to living with extra-terrestrials, mutants and other assorted weird stuff. Definitely a show for stoners. It’s a pseudo-thinking show. What's there to really think about? Really, it has the intellectual equivelancy of a comic book. Well, maybe a “graphic novel.”

I’m thinking, “What the eff is this all about?”

Funny, how this morphed from the original premise, presidential assassinations, into the decline and fall of television. It’s all connected man! Predicted by the Mayan Calendar!
 This is a topic for another occasion, the Mayan Calendar, which predicts we’re in the end times. Sort of like Nostradamus, only Native American.

Now I gotta go have some lunch and run some errands. “General Hospital” will be on shortly and I hate missing an episode!

SEXY!

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:00:00 -0600

Wholesome …

How phony is that word? So, Miley Montana, or is it Hannah Cyrus? Anyway, she posed for some “artsy” photos in Vanity Fair. No big deal. She’s a 15 year old pre-teen idol on a hit Disney Channel TV show. I’ve never seen it or the Vanity Fair photos, but now, as if Britney Spears is already old news, Miley Cyrus has caused a social and sexual crisis. The photos are being called “racy.”
 Okay, I’m gonna take a moment to view them.

Geez … is that all? So, the media is in an uproar over these photos? Are they “inappropriate? Really? Please! And Bill O’Reilly wants to have a conference about them?

There is a lot of hypocrisy taking place of course! First of all, Disney is blaming Vanity Fair for “manipulating” the young star into posing for the photos, despite the fact that Cyrus’s parents and publicity machine were on hand for the shoot all day and even had a chance to view the photos for approval before publication. Little Miley herself is quoted as liking the pics and she even posed with her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus for one.

And there’s the charge, from Disney, that Vanity Fair did the manipulating of this 15 year old just to turn a profit. Wait. How many millions of dollars is Disney making with this 15 year old playing a sexy rock star on their cable channel? And they’re gonna accuse Vanity Fair of manipulating a 15 year old for profit? Didn’t know Disney was a non-profit.

Both organizations, Condé Nast — which owns Vanity Fair — and Disney, are in business to generate revenues for profit. That’s what they do. Good journalism, on the part of Vanity Fair is their cache for credibility, but it’s their sexy stories that sell the magazine.

Disney has the wholesome reputation, from decades of churning out children’s movies and programs; creative works that have featured sexually appealing men and women as their central characters. From Snow White to Hannah Montana, the latter probably being their most sexually appealing character.
 One can say Lindsey Lohan is their most sexual star, and they exploited that in the Herbie movies, but Hannah Montana was designed to be sexy.

It’s bullshit on the part of Disney. If anything, Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair will increase the interest in the young star which will increase Disney’s revenues, but they have an image to protect, so they complain about the photos, done by Annie Leibovitz, as harming the image of their character, when, in fact, sexy is part of what they’re selling in Hannah Montana.

Yeah, a few parents will be concerned that their daughters want to be Hannah Montana, and by extension, Miley Cyrus, but what were the parents thinking when they let their daughters idolize Hannah Montana in the first place? We had this same discussion nearly ten years ago when Britney Spears, still not old enough to vote, was posing in bikinis and lingerie for magazines from Teen Beat to Rollingstone.

Now, of course, Little Miley is apologizing for the photo spread, especially the pic of her in what appears to be her nude form slightly wrapped in a sheet. Please! Her MySpace photos are far more explicit! Of course, those have been taken down, now that there is this controversy. LOL! As the chat room abbreviation goes.

In a similar vein, on HBO the live CostasNow discussed the nature of sports media today, with a segment on the pervasive and growing presence of the Internet. Think about it; with sports stars and movie/TV stars, the Internet has given far more access to the fans than we have ever had. Used to be we’d get lucky and meet a celebrity at a fast food joint or department store.

Now, we can see the stars as they are off the publicity bus, in their private lives, because we have miniature cameras in mobile phones that are now able to connect to the Internet. So we can see photos and video of Matt Leinart doing beer bongs at a private party with four hot young women.

Hey, he’s what, 24, good looking and the starting quarterback for the St. Louis Cardinals. He’s doing two women at a time — and how many of us men, either openly or secretly, envy that — and partying like every other young man his age. The difference is, of course, he’s a big media magnet, someone who is in the news, creating news, because of his athletic abilities.

His celebrity status gives him privilege, but it also gives him a lot of scrutiny into his private life that doesn’t give the rest of us any concern. Matt Leinart, and Miley Cyrus, are set up to different standards then their peers and because of the aggressive nature of the media to get “the story” their private lives will be on display in the newspapers, television, radio (figuratively) and most aggressively, on the Internet. Quite frankly, if he wants to do beer bongs with some little hotties, by all means!

Didn’t used to be that way. Never knew Mickey Mantle was an alcoholic until long after he left the game. Didn’t know his knee injury was a direct result of his drinking. Didn’t know Rock Hudson was gay until … hard to say. But it wasn’t publicly acknowledged until his was dying from AIDS.

The reason: their private lives were kept private by the media so we didn’t “know” about Mickey Mantle drinking the night away with Billy Martin (and any other drinking buddies).

Now, their private lives are fair game, and not only that, their lives are entertainment. Look at the host of television shows, on broadcast and cable, devoted to dishing up the gossip on celebrities. Most of them suck too! Does anyone watch The Soup? It’s all geared around the private lives of celebrities.

One of the most popular Internet gossip sites is TMZ. They seem to get all the great “news,” they’re the ones who broke the story about Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rant when he was last arrested for DUI. Think of that: last arrested for DUI.

Then there are sites like You Tube where you can see video of just about everything, short of genitalia and female breasts, which seems pretty absurd, considering everything else we can see — and download — from that site.

Wholesome? Since when? What are the qualifications for “wholesome?” For that matter, what is considered “pornography?” We don’t know. There are no set boundaries for either word.

Merriam-Webster’s defines Pornography:
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek pornographos, adjective, writing about prostitutes, from pornē prostitute + graphein to write; akin to Greek pernanai to sell, poros journey Date: 1858
1 : the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2 : material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
3 : the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction

and Wholesome:
Function: adjective
Date: 13th century
1: promoting health or well-being of mind or spirit
2: promoting health of body
3 a: sound in body, mind, or morals b: having the simple health or vigor of normal domesticity
4 a: based on well-grounded fear : prudent — a wholesome respect for the law b: safe — it wouldn't be wholesome for you to go down there — Mark Twain

So, the question is: can some of the photos of Miley Cyrus, even as Hannah Montana, be considered pornography if they elicit a sexual response from some viewers? You know there are a lot of teenage boys who are having their first, albeit solo and private, sexual experiences looking at her photos. That being the case, is she still “wholesome?”

Certainly Disney can make all the claims they wish regarding their property; Hannah Montana the character is property and they can even squeeze their star into portraying that “image” in her life away from the character, but the reality is, there is a certain amount of sexuality being sold by Disney to promote their program. The people who decide these things at Disney know there are millions of teenage boys who are busy fantasizing about their property, much the way I did for Haley Mills so many years ago.

And they also know there are some dirty old men fantasizing about her too. Honestly, I’m not one of them. But whatever brings the attention, and by default, ad revenue, it’s all good. Disney knows the Vanity Fair spread isn’t going to do much damage — if any — to their property, but they have to act as if they are offended because perception is reality for most Americans. Truth really isn’t relevant.

I’m just waiting to see Miley show up on the Internet, proving she doesn’t wear panties while doing beer bongs in her SUV driven by her bodyguard. Now that would be a departure from her Disney image.

Damn Liberal Media

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 00:01:00 -0600

Just to keep up on what’s going through the minds of the insanely conservative wing of our population, I subscribe to a number of their web sites. Let’s face it, they’re fun! One of those is Townhall.com, run by Brent Bozell who is the founder — and possibly the only member of — Media Research Center and the Parents Television Council, the group that doesn’t support freedom of the airwaves. He’s been around since 1987, mid term of the St. Ronny Administration, railing against that evil leftist media.
 Which is just about every news organization with the exception of Fox News and the Washington Times.

We all need the freedom to voice our opinions, regardless of how insane and ignorant they may be. In fact, I’m happy to live in a country where a yahoo like Brent Bozell can speak freely because it means I can speak freely too. What is troubling though is the legitimacy the media gives such people as Brent Bozell, especially on TV. And this is especially curious since, through his various organizations, Bozell does whatever he can to restrict your — our — freedom to watch what we want on TV without interference from government. He’s the guy who generates thousands of form letters and e-mails to the FCC when people like Howard Stern and Bono say dirty words on the air or Janet Jackson (bless her heart!) shows us her boob on TV during the Super Bowl half time show.
 My gawd! Will we ever recover from the Janet moment! When was that? Super Bowl XXXVIII (38 for those of you who are in the same camp with Bozell and can’t figure out Roman numerals) February 1, 2004.
 Not to mention his campaign to force Carl’s Jr. to pull their Paris Hilton ad. You remember the one, I certainly do! I like Paris Hilton! Now that’s entertainment!

Most notorious for letting Bozell on the air — besides Fox — is MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough. Bozell has been on with Scarborough more times than I care to count. I like Scarborough. His morning show is pretty good, although he can get a little obnoxious at times and he has people with a wide variety of views and as far as I’ve seen, they all get relatively equal time. But I have to wonder about a network’s credibility when they offer, with such regularity, an idiot like Bozell airtime. Are they afraid of his letter-writing campaigns?

Like his so-called “Christian” colleagues, Bozell is good at creating an anti-[fill in the blank] campaign, complete with form letters — and now e-mails — ready to send off to whichever organization he has decided needs to be inundated with his viewpoint.

Case in point, the e-mail I received this morning. It’s one of these anti-Hispanic, disguised as anti-immigration, e-mails railing against sanctuary cities that let undocumented aliens live without fear of reprisal. The melodrama of the e-mail is priceless.
 DID YOU KNOW many cities throughout the U.S. are knowingly harboring illegal aliens ... including felons?
 DID YOU KNOW that even after preying on, sometimes murdering, American citizens, these illegal immigrant criminals are still not deported?
 DID YOU KNOW we are now experiencing what one prominent researcher has called a “crime wave” across America committed by illegal aliens?
 On this last point I sent an e-mail to Bozell asking him who the prominent researcher is, since he didn’t give us a name or organization to check for accuracy. I’m still waiting for a reply. Let me check again! Nope, no reply yet, but it’s only been two hours since I sent my request.

This latest campaign is directed towards our state governors. Bozell wants us to flood their mansions with e-mails decrying this epidemic of crime and the efforts of the “elitist liberals in our pro-open-borders national news media …” to cover up this crime wave.
 “Friend, if you’re sick and tired of the leftists in the news media and big city politicians covering up illegal alien criminals DEFYING the laws of this country, I urge you to CLICK HERE NOW to demand your governor take action!”
 “This Urgent Appeal doesn’t lobby for any new laws. It demands that your Governor state publicly and unequivocally that the constitutional powers of the Governor’s office will be used to enforce existing law by SHUTTING DOWN any so-called ‘sanctuary cities.’ ”

So, just out of curiosity, how does one “shut down” a city? Do you march the National Guard in — if they’re not stuck in Iraq for 15 months — and then force all the residents out at gunpoint? We did that once, in the not-so-distant past when the feds rounded up all those of Japanese descent on the West Coast during World War II (That’s “2” for you Bozell bozos). If I claimed to be a Bozell Bozo, could I avoid deportation?

What Mr. Bozell doesn’t write in his bombastic e-mail is that immigration is a federal jurisdiction and state governments have little — if any — ability to affect any influence on immigration law enforcement.
 This is pretty funny: Today there are more than 60 sanctuary zones, including 30 of America’s largest cities, such as Cambridge, Massachusetts; Detroit, Michigan; Chicago, Illinois; Austin and Houston, Texas; Denver, Colorado; and the two centers of the liberal Big Media, Los Angelesrnia and New York City.
 I’m leaving in as much of his style and formatting as possible, including his typos. Don’t want to misquote him! But I did bold the funny part!

What happens next is a few of those who subscribe to his daily e-mail newsletter and web site will take this e-mail and send it, as a mass chain e-mail, to everyone in their e-mail address book and viola! Bozell has another “grassroots” movement.

Bear in mind, there won’t be millions of e-mails sent, probably not even 100,000, to the various governors, but enough of a response that Bozell can get on the air, adding publicity to his organization, claiming some sort of success in this campaign. And that’s what its really all about for Bozell. Keeping the cash rolling in from his sugar daddies and supporters. It’s a lesson I can learn from actually. Start an advocacy group, round up some well-heeled supporters and then generate campaigns for whatever issue is the hot topic of the day, like immigration and the war in Iraq.

Or the right-leaning mainstream media.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

And on a brighter note: Congratulations to Al Gore, Jr. on his award of the Nobel Prize for Peace for his campaign to alert the world to global warming. Wish he was running for president. The environment has been under attack since the Reagan Administration, with pollution pouring from the smokestacks of America at increased rates, not to mention all the other nations in the world, like China, that are now pouring more pollution into the air than ever before.

Then there is the proliferation of oil-drilling in environmentally senstive areas like the North Slope in Alaska, adjacent to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The assault on the National Reserve was stopped, but the area adjacent has been approved for more drilling. For those who think the oil companies do this without harming the environment, guess again.

While reviewing information on the Santa Barbara oil spill of 1969, which first brought the spotlight to the dangers of off-shore oil drilling, I came across a web site for tourists wishing to visit the Santa Barbara beaches. It extolls the virtues of the Santa Barbara area and at the end offers three “beach tips,” the last of which is this: “Invest in a pair of those little jelly beach shoes. We have beautiful beaches that tend to have oil leaks. It's not something we like to talk about, but tar makes a mess of rugs, shoes and everything white.”

Recently I had been communicating with Playboy Playmate Christina Smith, Miss March 1978. Part of her Playmate portfolio was shot on a beach, which turned out to be in Santa Barbara. The sand had a black tint to it and I often wondered how the photographer, Arny Freytag, got that effect. Christina answered, telling me it was a “black sand” beach and they had a problem with oil/tar on their clothes and shoes — and her naked skin I presume, since she was laying and sitting in it. Eight years after the oil spill and the beach still had oil residue?

Apparently, the ocean floor around Unocal’s Derrick Alpha, where the disaster originated still has leaks. The oil spill started because the oil company got a waiver from the U.S. Geological Survey to use a shorter casing on the pipe that brought up the petroluem. The casing is used to prevent blowouts. Since no one had envisioned the scenario of an off shore oil rig disaster, there were no plans, equipment or techniques for stopping such a catastrophe. It took eleven days for those involved to contain the spill.

Part of what happened was that pressure built up as the oil company extracted pipe from the well. That pressure wasn’t adequately compensated for with drilling mud that is pumped down into the well as the pipe is extracted. When the pressure got to dangerous levels they tried to cap it. Natural gas burst in an explosion that destroyed not only the well, but caused cracks in the sea floor.

Those cracks were filled with a chemical mud to seal them, but oil still trickles out in leaks, none that would cause any widespread media coverage, but enough to deposit oil on the beaches that cause them to be dark and have tourist promoters suggesting we have throw away sandals so we don’t mess up our carpets from the oil on the beach.

At one time, the Santa Barbara Channel and its beaches were some of the most pristine areas in America; a haven for marine floral and fauna which was the magnet that drew so many to the area. Santa Barbara was/is the jewel of the California coast line. It has been irrevocably damaged. Parts of the Santa Barbara area are still wildlife refuges and the scenery is magnificent — but if you go to visit, buy those throw away jelly sandals, the oil will ruin the carpet in your SUV.

TV Wasteland ... or Not

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:15:53 -0600

Alberto Contador

Okay, this is a long one, but well worth it!

The Tour de France is over and Alberto Contador is the winner! The youngest champion since Jan Ulrich in … jeez, I forgot. 1997. As expected, Australian Cadel Evans came in second and American Levi Leipheimer came in third, so the U.S. Team, Discovery Channel, was well-represented on the podium Sunday in Paris. In fact, Team Discovery Channel dominated the overall, General Classification ranks. Yaroslav Popovych of the Ukraine came in 8th and the venerable American warhorse George Hincapie came in 24th. Not bad.

The Tour still remains under a cloud of doping controversy, but let’s give the sport credit; many of the alleged dopers were kicked off the Tour, either by the tour management, or in some cases, their own teams. Unlike other sports that give dopers suspended suspensions and other noteworthy slaps on the wrist. Yes, I’m being sarcastic about “noteworthy” wrist-slapping. LOL!
LOL is IM-speak for Lots of Laughs! There are a lot of IM codes, if you have young children you ought to know what they mean. I’m no expert, but I know what a MILF is and what IMHO means, but haven’t figured out <3. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, most times it drives me fuckin’ crazy.
I learned some of it watching the NBC/MSNBC Dateline report on Internet child predators.

Chris Hansen

Here’s what I don’t get: NBC has been doing this series for several years now, maybe two, who can keep track, with Chris Hansen surprising the goofy predators, downloaded photos and Chat Room transcripts in hand and most of these yokels are still unaware there’s someone out there looking for them! And, after watching a few episodes, it’s quite clear Hansen and NBC aren’t looking for online sex. Okay, I shouldn’t joke about child predators, but it’s absolutely funny watching the looks on the faces of these idiots who show up at a house, set up with cameras and waiting police officers, when Hansen walks out asking, “What are you doing here?”

“Nuttin, Honey,” is the usual response, albeit without the “Honey.” The funniest ones are the guys who – I kid you not – strip down to their birthday suits while they wait for the decoy (which is either a young-looking man or woman) to join them for drinks and a little fooling around.

Here’s what bothers me about the series: After two years they’re still doing it and it’s a nightly staple on MSNBC; obviously, To Catch a Predator is a very popular program segment, otherwise they wouldn’t continue doing it. My point is, they’re exploiting the problem of child endangerment for their ratings. Maybe that’s a good thing, NBC has had a hand in arresting and convicting hundreds of these guys, but I get the feeling is dancing at it’s ratings hit.
Just to clarify, I enjoy the online company (he-he!) of many adult models. Mainly on MySpace. A few in particular: Melody Pressley, Sabrina Rose, Nikki Fiction, Lindsey Vuolo and Jaime Hammer. I say, if you wanna use the Internets to get your rocks off, by all means do so! What’s the Internets for!
Okay, it’s very useful for educational purposes, bizniz and other forms of entertainment – I have a couple friends who spend the bulk of their free time playing games against other online users and others who spend hours piecing together the family trees, but the internet adult industry is worth billions and men and women find it far more convenient – and discreet – than walking into one of those “book stores.” Although, walking into a Hustler’s store is now all the rage! The Hustler’s on Sunset across from the Whisky a Go Go was doing great business well after most other shopping establishments had closed.

Anyway, NBC has a new cash cow and they’re milking it for all it’s worth.

Lately my life’s been in a bit of a rut and as a result, I’ve watched a lot of television. I’m staying with friends who have the very basic digital cable – no HBO, Showtime; no DVR – NO DVR!! SAY IT AIN’T SO!! – Gad, how painful! I’m forced to watch commercial television – with the commercials! – I’ll go back to church if I can get DVR again!
Okay, I lied. I won’t go back to church …

So, there’s been a lot of TV watching the past month. AMC has been showing, in their edited forms, the three Godfather movies and the made-for-TV mix Francis Ford did, combining the first two with cut scenes from the studio releases. I’ve seen them all now at least three times in the past few weeks. I’ve stopped watching them despite the first two being just about the best films made in the 1970’s.

Here’s where my life has gone completely silly: I’ve been watching reality programs. Say it ain’t so. My favorites being Top Chef on Bravo, Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels on A&E and – I kid you not – Scott Baio is 45 and Single on VH1 Oh, and let’s not forget The Girls Next Door on E!.
When you buy the Season DVD’s for the Girls, they come without the blurring we see as the various women scamper around Hef’s house nekkid!

There are a few other reality shows I’ve watched, but they mostly suck. The 2 Coreys started last night on A&E but that blows chunks. I couldn’t even finish watching the two pilot episodes. Corey Feldman – one of the two Coreys – does have an absolutely HOT wife (Susie), but that’s not enough to sustain a show. Besides, she’s always dressed. I started watching Brett Michaels’ House of Rock on VH1, a show which started with 21 hotties half Brett’s age vying to be his girlfriend, but most of the girls act like 13-year olds (possibly a pre-requisite to getting on the show) and when they started throwing punches I turned it off.
This is funny though: At least half the women on that show have breast enhancements, which is okay with me, I like’em raw or done up. But, one hottie, with the personality of a 12 year old and an enhanced rack Pamela Anderson would be proud to call her own, started insulting another woman with larger breast implants! Obviously, this show has lots of comedic potential, but there’s only so much pubescent teenage personality I can take from people in their 20’s.
This show went way off the rails when Brett sent home August, 2005 Playboy Playmate Tamara Witmer. But not to worry, she’s now dating Bruce Willis, a much better catch than Brett Michaels.
Did you know Kelly Monaco, star of ABC’s General Hospital was the April, 1997 Playmate of the Month? Damn, I’m just full of useful facts!

So anyway, House of Rock has possibilities, but the average maturity level of the remaining women makes it tough to stay tuned for more than a few minutes at a time.

Gene Simmons and Family

My real favorites though are Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels and Scott Baio is 45 and Single. Family Jewels stars Gene Simmons, tongueman and bass player for the rock group Kiss. He lives with his long-time girlfriend, Shannon Tweed – herself Playmate of the Year, 1982 – and their two children, Nick and Sophie, both teens and both quite funny!

Simmons is a multi-millionaire and it’s hard to tell what he loves more: making money or his family. It’s one of the running gags. Recently, Shannon placed a losing $100,000.00 bet on the Kentucky Derby. Gene almost went into cardiac arrest. This is a funny show. If your life is as dismally boring as mine, it will perk up your day.

Top Chef pits 15 top chef wannabes against each other in cooking challenges that require them to not only think fast, but prepare superb gourmet meals in as little as 30 minutes. Great recipes in this show and you can download them from the Top Chef web site. It’s entertaining and the show has celebrity judges – that are mostly top of the realm chefs unknown to most of us – but there are a few judges you might recognize, like Lorraine Bracco, Dr. Melfi on The Sopranos, who has her own vineyard and my favorite guest judge, Ted Allen, one of the “Fab Five” from Bravo’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Hef, Holly, Bridget and Kendra

What straight male can say “no” to a show about Hugh Hefner living with his three girlfriends? Well, I would if my life was a bit more … of a life … but having admitted my current cultural failings, it’s turned out to be an excellent program. A couple of the women models I chat with online were really excited about this program so earlier this year I got a hold of the first two seasons on DVD. It wasn’t all that impressive, in fact I sold both sets of DVD’s before watching any of the second season, but this season has turned out to be fantastic! Nearly every episode revolves around a Playboy Mansion party – pity the staff that has to prepare everything for the events – from the Midsummer Night’s Dream to the birthday parties of the four principle characters: Hef, Holly, Bridget and Kendra. Kendra is from San Diego and she’s a big time Chargers fan. She’s your “basic” athletic tomboy who just happens to be EFFIN HOT! Oh, and she also likes to scamper around the mansion au natural! She’s my favorite of the three!

Okay, this one’s a no-brainer for a guy like me, but for nearly 40 years Hef has been a personal hero of mine and his attention to all the details of his ground-breaking magazine make this a must-see for anyone interested in the nuts and bolts of publishing. There’s not much of the publishing on The Girls Next Door, but when they do show Hef engaged in some work on the magazine, his focus and standards of technical perfection make him a role model worth studying for any aspiring publishing entrepreneurs. Yeah, I read the effin articles …

Best of all is Scott Baio is 45 and Single. Go ahead and laugh, but this show has character. Scott Baio is trying to figure out why he’s never been married, and it’s a little deeper than him just being famous and rich. Scott is like me: a selfish, self-centered a-hole – except that he’s rich, famous and good-looking. (sigh) I’m so envious! But now, Scott is trying to change so he can get married and have children. (sigh) Why!!?? Seriously, the show centers around his relationship with his life coach, a psychologist who gives him tasks to explore why he has dated so many and dumped them all – or they dumped him once they found out he was cheating on them – a lot!
Oh, Scott Baio was a teen star on Happy Days and Joanie Loves Chachi and then Charles In Charge.

Scott’s list of girlfriends will make most men weep: Playmates Julie McCullough and Pamela Anderson (two among several), Denise Richards, Beverly D’Angelo, Heather Locklear, Brooke Shields, Nicolette Sheridan and Liza Minelli -- LIZA!!?? – well, that’s the online rumor.

His search for the answers makes this a program with purpose and actually has me wondering if, at the end of the eight-week period, he will ever get back with his current girlfriend and finally get married. The first couple episodes have been not only entertaining, but intellectually stimulating as well. It’s fun to watch as Baio describes his perfect woman – and all he can really come up with are physical attributes – but that scene describes in a few seconds the dilemma of every guy wondering why he has the wife/girlfriend he has, or why he (me) has never been married: We don’t want to bother with anything deeper than the blonde hair, nice boobs and bootilicious butt.

Le Tour!

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:45:49 -0600

It’s been over two weeks since I lasted posted on this page! I’ve been watching the Tour de France! Lance Armstrong’s team, Discovery Channel, seems to be doing okay, they have a great new Spanish rider, Alberto Contador, who will, if nothing unforeseen happens, win the White Jersey for Best Young Rider. The Young Alberto actually won Stage 14, the first stage in the Pyrenees Mountains, and arguably the most difficult stage so far this year.

There are a few U.S. riders in contention, but none considered “serious” serious contenders. Lance Armstrong’s old stalwart, George Hincapie is … in the top 20 and the Team Discovery Channel leader, Levi Leipheimer is in the top 10.

Here’s a shocker: Team Astana pulled out of the tour because their top rider, Alexandre Vinokourov, tested positive for an illegal blood transfusion. Here’s why blood transfusions are banned: The teams take the blood from their riders, put in it a centrifuge and then separate the red blood cells from the plasma and white blood cells. And then, just before the day’s ride, team doctors and trainers pump some of that “super” blood back into the rider(s) and the increased red blood count means more oxygen getting to the muscles of the riders. Vinokourov got caught because he had someone else’s blood in his system. If Lance Armstrong cheated during his seven Tour victories, this is how he did it. Only difference, Armstrong has his own red blood cells put back into his system.

Vinokourov was an early favorite to win the tour and for a few stages, it looked as if he would take it all. But then he had a bad crash in Stage Five when his chain snapped, sending him tumbling. He required over 60 stitches to repair his torn body; both knees and if I’m not mistaken and both elbows.

Danish rider Michael Rasmussen, lead man for Team Rabobank, has a severe lock on the General Classification Yellow Jersey – the same jersey Armstrong won seven tours in a row – and his most ardent and consistent competitor, especially in the Pyrenees Mountains, has been Alberto Contador. As it sits today, if anyone is going to take the yellow jersey from the Dane, it will be the Spaniard from Team Discovery Channel.

On the other hand, Rasmussen has his own rumors of illegal blood transfusions to contend with and if he gets outed before this tour is over, the young man from Madrid could very well be the next Tour de France Overall Champion.
* Here’s a profile in courage; In 2005 Alberto underwent risky surgery to remove a massive blood clot from his brain. Two years later, he is what many consider the only real challenge to Rasmussen left in the Tour de France. Muy bueno Alberto! Or, Trey bon, mon ami!

So, Monday Night I was watching MSNBC, the slot that used to have Scarborough Country, but is now hosted by Dan Abrams, the mucky-muck of MSNBC. In one segment, he had Curtis Sliwa of the Guardian Angels, debating Darren Brass from the TLC program, Miami Ink, on the restrictions concerning tattoos in the military and police. Sliwa actually said people with tattoos were like junkies because those of us with tattoos don’t stop with one, although I have just the one and have no plans for more. He also said those of us with tattoos are anti-social!

Thankfully, Brass and Abrams both said it was just ignorance that fueled the anti-tattoo sentiment in this country. Sliwa has been an idiot for over three decades and now he wants to spew such negativity about tattoos?! Far be it for me to be judgmental, but Sliwa was wearing the red “uniform” of his Guardian Angels, which kinda looks ridiculous! Check out the video here.

Also on Monday night: the U-Tube Debate, hosted by Anderson Cooper of CNN. It’s too bad Congressman Dennis Kucinich isn’t a front-runner in the Democratic primaries. This morning he took on Ann Curry of MSNBC when she tried to pin him down about the prospect of more violence if U.S. troops pulled out of Iraq and he insisted on talking about how we got into the war in Iraq in the first place; his point being, if we don’t examine the how and why of the disaster in Iraq, what happens from this day forward will be just as bad as what got us into this mess in the first place. Kucinich has a point.

Campbell Brown

* Just an aside, Campbell Brown, for many years a capable correspondent with NBC/MSNBC (and the woman who broke my heart when she married ... sigh … Dan Senor, Fox Noise reporter and former Bush (43) Administration official) has left the Peacock to go work for CNN. They could use a pretty face who knows how to report the news.

So much for politics today. Our troops are still dying in that quagmire called Iraq and there doesn’t seem to be any hope for them in the near future. Congress has the power to end this mess today – if they show the cajones to do so. There’s only one thing worse than a president who’s an idiot: a cowardly Congress unwilling to stand up to the idiot.

A Mess With Imus

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 12:51:55 -0600

Damn Microsoft

This really should be a screed about Microsoft, the company that makes the word processing program I’m typing away with at this very moment. Last week sometime all my Microsoft programs started giving me a user error and wouldn’t open; the same user error for Word, Excel, Power Point and Entourage. I called MS tech support. They were nice, I got right through, wasn’t on hold through the weekend — but they couldn’t correct the problem, nor could they tell me what the problem was or how the glitch occurred.

What the techie told me was to create an alias on my computer (a Macintosh G4) and use the programs in that alias and transfer all my files — over 30 gigs worth — from my primary user to this now second user. How do I go about doing that? Burn it all to CD’s and … it just gets ridiculous!

All my other software from other companies work just fine, it’s just the Microsoft programs that don’t work. So, instead of a lengthy harangue on Bill Gates and his company, maybe just a hearty “FUCK YOU” will do.

Yet here I am, in that secondary user, using MS Word to type out my blog of indecency. So, it’s a hollow “FUCK YOU” and maybe instead of capital letters, it should all be in small, and maybe even a “screw you” instead of the more vulgar “F” word I would like to use if I actually had the courage (and money) to ditch the MS software for one of Microsoft’s competitors.

Don Imus

Taking a stand on something is real easy when there’s nothing personally on the line. Take for instance the BIG news of the day: Don Imus has been fired. Fired from MSNBC and then his radio broadcasting company, CBS radio. Like me, Imus is out of work. Actually, I’m not out of work but I’m not getting paid for anything right now, so it’s essentially similar. Well, no, not really. He has millions of dollars to fall back on. I have … Eight dollars and 42 cents.

Here’s where the personal part of the Imus story comes in. There are a lot of people blaming the Reverands Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for the problem. Yes, it’s all their fault. Why? Well, they goaded Imus into making the remarks that got him fired, “… nappy-headed hos.” No, not really. The reason it’s Jackson and Sharpton’s fault is because they held Imus accountable for his words, publicly. If they hadn’t called Imus on his racist and sexist remarks then he would have got away with it, the incident wouldn’t have got so much publicity and we would have gone on as if nothing had ever happened and racism would still be as acceptable as it was the day before Imus uttered those words on radio and television.

There’s no question Don Imus is the one responsible for his latest woes; it was his radio/television program and his words at the center of this controversy — his producer also called the Rutgers basketball team “jigaboos,” but since his name (Bernard McQuirk) isn’t well known, that isn’t mentioned — yet Jackson and Sharpton are under fire for stirring up racism, as some call it, because they are on the news speaking out about the incident. Imus, by the way, told 60 Minutes in 1998 that McQuirk was hired to tell “nigger” jokes. Imus complained when he was asked about that on-air because he had confided that secret off the record.

Still, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton seem to be getting more abuse from the public than Imus; yes, Imus is getting castigated by on-air personalities, but the public, in a variety of Internet forums, are pasting Sharpton and Jackson for “stirring up” racism. What does it say about our society that the two highest profile individuals objecting to the racist and sexist remarks are getting the blame for the racism and sexism?

It almost makes me want to ask CBS and MSNBC to bring Imus back! If the public blames those who object to racism for the racism, what’s the difference? But, as one of the Rutgers players said, when she did a check on Imus’s program, she found that the radio show had a long history of racist and sexist remarks and this was the time for her to take a stand.

She isn’t the only person — her fellow teammates not the only group of individuals — to object to Imus and his remarks, many Americans have objected, many who do not get on to Internet forums and message boards, voiced their disgust at Imus and yes, many of those people didn’t listen to Imus, precisely because his “humor” was so low-brow, so disgusting, listening (or watching) wasn’t a pleasure — it was an insult.

The rubber met the road though, not so much with public opinion, but with money, the final arbiter in all things considered entertainment in this country; money, the real god of America: companies were pulling their advertising dollars from CBS and NBC and that was the linchpin that brought down the Imus legacy. CBS and NBC can use the public outcry to paint themselves as righteous organizations, and they’re doing it very well, but Imus has been doing his show this way since 1982. If they really were tuned into public opinion, Imus would have been fired long ago, at least when he admitted to 60 Minutes in 1998 the primary role of Bernard McQuirk.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales

The broader question now is, what effect does this have on all the other news, or things that should be news. On the day that Imus made his career-ending error, the vice president once again reiterated on the Rush Limbaugh program that Saddam Hussein’s government was in cahoots with al Qa’ida for the September 11, 2001 attacks — on the very day the Department of Defense issued a report that Hussein and al Qa’ida never had any connection to one another.

Overtaken by the Imus news is this information from the White House: Thousands, maybe millions, of e-mails that might pertain to the firing of eight federal prosecutors were “lost” or destroyed. As many people have quipped, including Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont, that stinks of the 18 missing minutes from the Richard Nixon White House tapes. The good Senator, as Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, has subpoenaed those e-mails.

Alberto Gonzales isn’t completely incompetent — heck he may not even be incompetent at all, he may be criminally devious — the Attorney General cancelled his vacation plans to spend the weeks leading up to his April 17 appearance before Leahy’s committee to “practice” his testimony.

Kyra Phillips

His liaison between the Justice Department and the White House, Monica Goodling first, through her attorney, set a precedent when she invoked the Fifth Amendment rather than testify before any congressional committees, and then she resigned.

Much has occurred in the previous two weeks since my last blog; the president even trotted out this tortured explanation as to why we needed to send more troops to Iraq — and extend the tours of the troops already there — to protect them from harm. For their safety we have to have more troops in Iraq for longer tours.

Is anyone really surprised Iraqi insurgents so successfully infiltrated the “Green Zone” in Baghdad they were able to detonate a bomb in the cafeteria next to the hall where the Iraqi parliament convened? Kyra Phillips, news anchor for CNN looked visibly shaken when she gave her report from Baghdad right after the bombing. She had been right there when it happened, in the supposedly “safe” area of Baghdad.

The Skarlet Knights of Rutgers

But even that news is pushed aside for Don Imus, the radio jock’s story still dominating the news coverage. People are once again talking about a long-lasting effect with this story, how it will resonate for years and will finally bring up a dialogue about race in America. I doubt it. That was going to happen with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It didn’t. In a month Don Imus will be forgotten. At best, it continues this low-level mumbling about race in America, and the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage (and Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, et al.) will continue on, spewing their hate with the blessings of broadcasters and advertisers as long as people continue to listen to them without complaint.

Shannon Bobbitt of the Tennessee Lady Volunteers

And there will always be that cadre of people — white people primarily — who will blame Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton whenever an act or words of racism are exposed for what they are: remnants of an all-too-ingrained American legacy of bigotry and intolerance.

The saddest part of this national debacle? The improbable season of the Rutgers team making it to the NCAA Final Four — and then the championship game, losing to the powerhouse Tennessee Volunteers. Instead of congratulating the Lady Volunteers for their win, we’re talking about a twisted old man who slandered the women of a very good basketball team.

Jesus and Mary Drain

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 00:27:46 -0700

Okay, my March resolution is this: At least two blog posts per week! No excuses! Count’em! Feel free to chastise me in the most humiliating manner should I fail in this stupidly easy goal! I mean dammit! I used to write four per week!

Anyway, in Houston, Texas, The Virgin Mary appeared in a seared pizza pan. I kid you not! Now there’s a custody battle between the PTA mothers, who confiscated it and brought it to someone’s home so the faithful could file past and see The Virgin Mary —
 Okay, this is going to get me in big, big trouble I know ‘cause someone is going to claim I’m either: A) just trying to be a blasphemer or B) addled by too many hours spent gazing at bikini-clad women at Mission and Pacific Beaches and had a subscription to Playboy for too many years!
 I like Playboy, but we’ve covered that topic before so no need rehashing it here.

Back on topic: So, I was watching the minute of coverage this story got on CNN’s 360 –
 They have this HOT new co-host, what the Hell’s her name … anyway, she switched from Fox to CNN. The big complaint for the fans of … dammit! What’s her name? The big complaint — from male viewers is this: At Fox she didn’t sit behind a desk and all the guys got to drool over her legs. Now, CNN — that bastion of the liberal commie media — has her sitting behind a desk. No shots of her legs.

Off the track again. I have a one-track mind these days and I can’t seem to get off that track!

So, the Virgin Mary showed up on a pizza pan. The last time was … I’m trying to think … someone’s closet door? Or was it the grilled cheese sandwich? No, Jesus showed up on the closet door and the Virgin Mary on the sandwich. Man alive! Who can keep all these divine appearances straight! Why don’t they just show up at a church somewhere, hang around for a couple of weeks over by the votive candles so the faithful can file past in orderly reverence and then head back to Heaven? I guess there’s a certain amount of media-friendly drama when you show up on a pizza pan or grilled cheese sandwich, but that always opens the door for guys like me to mock and make fun of it!

Okay, if I were God — and of course according to Christianity that would also make me Jesus — I would say to the stigmata appearing fellow heavenly travelers, “Look, we gotta plan our surprise visits a little better. Mary, you’re my Mom but I am God. You really did good when you appeared in Guadalupe and Lourdes, but pizza pans? C’mon Mom!”

St. Patrick, the patron saint of the partying Irish chimes in, “Say Jesus! You think I could pop in at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas? It’s got that Passion connection; lots of sinners there and what happens in Vegas ...” and he hushes when he gets the stern look from the Almighty.

Okay, I’m done mocking it. Here’s what’s so funny: the all-day everyday news channels cover these stories as if they were … REAL! I mean, not even the Vatican takes these things seriously!

So, earlier this week some anthropologists and archaeologists took some heat because they claimed to have found the boney remains of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, the Virgin Mary (she shows up everywhere!) and the son of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.
 I’m staring at a picture of the beautiful face of Nancy Erminia, a gorgeous model with dark black hair and features that would get her the part of Mary in any remake of the nativity or Passion of Christ; or any one of a dozen stories that could be pulled from the Bible for a nice melodramatic picture. What an idea for a movie! What if Jesus really did survive but didn’t ascend into heaven! Nancy, are you up for the part of Mary Magdalene? Alas, you’ll have to wear long black robes for most of your scenes ... (sigh) ... (family harmony prevents me from posting a different picture of Nancy)

But, like the notion that it is really the outline of Jesus on the shroud of Turin, trying to prove, even through DNA, the bones are those of Jesus and his alleged family is really beyond the realm of absolute accuracy. But, if we’re going to give the Shroud of Turin credibility as a real artifact, then why not afford the same consideration to the scientists who claim they found the remains of Jesus?

Well, there is a logical explanation for that and I’ll spill the beans right here: Most of America’s citizens don’t want to believe Jesus did anything but what they think is told in the Bible. If he didn’t ascend into Heaven, then … he couldn’t be divine! And we all know it’s a fact Jesus ascended into Heaven!

Of course the news channels made sure they had plenty of “experts” — Christian believers who didn’t want to accept the possibility that the major tenet of their faith might be … oh, fabricated? — who gave almost scientific explanations of why the bones could not possibly be those of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. The “experts” were short on any clinical evidence to support their refutation of the scientists, but they sure sounded like they knew what they were talking about.

James Cameron

The other bit of information that obviously made the bones discovery untrue: film director James Cameron (Alien, Titanic and The Terminator) was involved in the project, which will be aired on the Discovery Channel Sunday Night. The ossuaries were actually found in a Jerusalem catacomb 27 years ago and it was only recently that scientists began investigating the inscriptions on the ossuaries, leading them to believe they might be the remains of Jesus and his family.

The irony at the core of this circumlocution — for the past 700 words — is that the Mary-in-the-pizza-pan story was given the journalistic veneer of having some credibility while the story of scientists who are convinced they found the bones of Jesus was given that “ehhh, this is what they claim but who believes it” treatment reserved for skeptics of everything that goes against what the corporate news bigwigs consider to be the national zeitgeist.

It’s happened before, in the not-so-distant past when those of us in 2002-03 said the “intelligence” on Saddam’s Iraq was suspect at best were labeled un-American and against the troops. Now, four years after the president gave his now infamous State-of-the-Union speech in which he called Saddam Hussein the greatest threat to world peace, we find ourselves bogged down in an unwinnable war and the powers-that-be looking to escalate it even further.

Kiran Chetry

So, based on the past performance of the news media when it comes to credibility … I’m going with the anthropologists and archaeologists who found the bones. It sounds a helluva lot more plausible than the Virgin Mary coming to visit the faithful on a pizza pan.

That was so interesting, there wasn’t any time to talk about the latest news: The Reverand Al Sharpton’s Great Grandfather was a slave owned by the older brother of the late Senator Strom Thurmond! The Daily Show with Jon Stewart had a great bit on it last night.

And now I remembered the newswoman’s name: Kiran Chetry. She can be seen on AC 360 and American Morning. Someone call CNN and tell them we want to see her legs again!

Media Frenzy

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 16:51:47 -0700

Well, my previous entry garnered some attention, proving the point “Sex Sells.” The previous week I had mused about being lost on a message board … well, that’s no longer a secret. The topics on the “PB Message Boards” are most often about the women who appear in the magazines or on the various Playboy websites, but a few deal with broader issues … sorry, couldn’t avoid the pun.

The media has a field day when any subject remotely wafts of sex, like the death of Anna Nicole Smith. CNN did 90 uninterrupted minutes of coverage in their 2-3 days of 24/7 coverage. MSNBC and FOX were far more serious in their 2-3 days of 24/7 Anna Nicole coverage — they took the appropriate commercial breaks.

Nancy Grace had to be the worst of the those covering this story –
 On her CNN headline News website, the poll question: Do you think foul play was involved in Anna Nicole Smith’s death? Now what in the fuck is that based on!
 In her first minutes of coverage Grace was interviewing a former police officer and F.B.I. agent — who had absolutely no connection whatever to the investigation — about what was going on with the investigation and when he hinted at the possibility of foul play, Grace excitedly interrupted him and asked, “You mean foul play was involved??!!” She was absolutely quivering with unrequited anticipation.
 So, six days later, five days after the autopsy which concluded no foul play, no ingestion of illegal controlled substances or poisons, in essence her death was of natural causes, pending a more in-depth toxicology report, Grace is still asking the question, do you think foul play was involved.
 But that’s not the worst of Nancy Grace: she was reporting that Smith had choked on her own vomit … until the medical examiner set her straight. What was that based on? Some wild speculation from someone who saw Smith arrive at the hospital in the ambulance. You gotta be joking!

Well, maybe Geraldo Rivera was worse … doesn’t matter, when you’re vying for the deepest crevice of the barrel, you can share the honor with everyone else who is looking to be the most disgusting person in media.

Mr. Mustache started speculating that there was foul play involved and that the attorney husband, Howard K. Stern (not the radio guy for anyone who might be wondering) had everything to gain by Smith’s death. And what did he base all this on? Well, it seems that in the first few hours after his wife died Stern wasn’t talking to the press. Obviously, to Geraldo, the sign of a murderer with something to hide!
 And the speculation now is whether or not Stern and Smith were legally wed.
 Who has custody of Smith’s remains? Judge Larry Seidman of Broward County, he said so! He’s appointed someone to help him figure out the legalities; basically, is Stern the actual husband/widower. Smith’s family, who have basically been estranged from the Playmate for many years, want her buried in Texas. Stern, of course, wants to have Smith buried in her adopted home, the Bahamas.
 Then of course there’s the baby, Dannielynn. Who is the father? It seems anyone who got a whiff of her perfume as she walked by is claiming to be the father.

It’s a big top three-ring media circus and as of today, February 16, the news channels are still giving it large chunks of air time.

Then there’s Lou Dobbs, who promised at the top of his hour on CNN there would be no news about Anna Nicole Smith and that touched of a series of tasteless comments by a few of his guests.

It’s such a sad story. She deserves far more dignity than what’s on display. Same with James Brown, the Godfather of Soul. People are still wrangling over his estate and remains and to this day he remains … above ground.

The real news we should be concerned with: the escalation of troops in Iraq and the Bush Administration’s build-up to war with Iran. Tonight we should have the results of a floor vote in the House of Representatives concerning a resolution offered by John Murtha of Ohio to link funding for the escalation to three conditions: A) that the troops have adequate rest before rotating back to the war; B) that troops heading back to Iraq be properly trained and C) that the troops going back to Iraq be properly equipped.

You might have guessed it: the Republicans are against the resolution.

Congressman Peter King (R-NY)
shaking hands with the president.

On MSNBC earlier today, Republican Congressman Peter King of New York said this resolution questioned the integrity and judgment of the Commander-in-Chief — duh! Let’s review Congressman King:
 No weapons of mass destruction.
 No links to Al Qaa’ida.
 No yellow-cake uranium deal.
 Your vice president outed a covert C.I.A. agent to discredit a critic.
 Usama bin Laden was left to get away in Afghanistan.
 In a 2002 report just released by the Pentagon, your president’s administration thought there would only be 5,000 U.S. troops still in Iraq by this time
 There would be no sectarian violence — no civil war — in Iraq

Jeez, do we need any further review! No kidding we’re questioning the president’s integrity and judgment! He got us to the point we’re at today: neck deep in another country’s civil war and on the verge of war with Iran! And, we find out, Iran, back in 2002, offered to help broker some deal with Iraq to avoid war! And Little Miss Condoleeza Rice claims she doesn’t remember such an overture.
 “OH,” you ask, “How did we learn about that?” One of her former aides testified to Congress — with appropriate paperwork — about the chance to work for a settlement to the whole Saddam question.

This could go on and on, but let’s end it here. Next week we will have the closing days of the Scooter Libby trial –
 Did you know the defense called only three witnesses to testify on Scooter’s behalf? No kidding! And they heavily implied at the beginning of the trial both Libby and Vice President Cheney would testify. Neither did.

Maybe Libby will get a cell next to Randy “Duke” Cunningham. Remember him? But I’m guessing Libby gets a pardon. Once he starts talking for real, the president’s legacy will be totally in the toilet — if it isn’t already.

Playmates and Double Standards

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 10:47:14 -0700

The other day on the Playboy Cyber Club Message Boards the topic of Playmates and Playboy Cyber Girls doing hard core porn came up; the reason being that Playboy Special Editions model Coco Mouton, a.k.a. Nicole Graves, started her own hard core porn site.

It’s nothing new for Playboy models to have their own sites, or new for some to go into hard core porn. Teri Weigel, Miss May 1986, was the first Playmate to start her own site of hard core porn, but it was Terri Welles, Playmate of the Year 1981, who won a landmark Internet case in April, 1998, that gave her and every subsequent Playmate the right to use the words “Playboy” and “Playmate” to describe themselves on their web sites.

The point of the message board topic though was the Nicole Graves web site; and the opinions of the many subscribers to Playboy and the Cyber Club (She has also posed for other websites and Penthouse magazine).

Several of the men who posted comments expressed disapproval of Ms. Graves’s choice of content, expressing disenchantment of varying degrees — they had less respect for Graves. Mind you, these are people who pay to view these women nude — and sometimes in simulated lesbian pics and videos. Apparently, those kind of pictorials aren’t objectionable. That was one of the funniest paradoxes I’ve read in a while! No, it’s not a paradox, it’s hypocritical! One poster even admitted his hypocrisy.

Also posting a comment was Erica Campbell, Cyber Girl of the Month for October 2006 and one of the most popular models on the Playboy Cyber Club. She also has her own, very popular, web site and has appeared in magazines and other web sites other than Playboy.

Campbell’s comments compelled me to reply in the topic, so the bulk of what follows is that response. So it begins with Erica’s comments:

“Not that I would ever do hardcore … because its just not for me … BUT I think IF that’s what she WANTS to do and she is making that choice after thinking it through more power to her.

I often wonder when girls go from soft to hard quickly that they aren't thinking it through or are doing it for a quick buck...but I don't think anyone should judge unless of course you are God … then by all means …”

I so agree with you Erica. In the U.S. we still treat sex like a dirty activity — despite the rhetoric to the contrary. So, “porn” is treated as if it is a dirty, taboo subject as well — despite the fact that internet porn alone is a 16 billion dollar-per-year industry in the U.S.

We have a gross double-standard when it comes to sex and porn; and that I am expected to be ashamed for viewing Erica’s pics, or going to Coco/Nicole's site to view her having sex is ridiculous; even more ridiculous is the suggestion that people like me — men and women, but men especially — have some sort of “disease” because we like viewing nude women and/or nude women having various forms of sex. Where the HELL did that crap come from!

I think no less of Coco/Nicole for doing her thing on her site. In fact, I might actually like her more! I can’t believe that in the 21st Century, Janet Jackson got crapped on for showing her boob during the Super Bowl half-time show (probably the most exciting moment in Super Bowl History!), during a televised event that featured scantily clad cheerleaders, wearing far less clothing than Janet, dancing and prancing and giving us teaser beaver shots (pardon my bluntness) with the explicit intention of using SEX to sell the game! Not to be outdone, the advertisers provided hi-def commercials of hot women wrestling in water fountains or prancing about in sexy, “buy me this beer and you can come do me” costumes … the hypocrisy just boggles the mind!
 Personally, I like watching those commercials because I want to buy the women a beer and … you get my drift.

Yeah, that's what men want! Nude women and nude women having various forms of sex! But we’re just too damn scared to advocate our interests out in the open public. Thank god (whatever that is) for people like Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt who have the cojones to put our rights as adults out there! The so-called Religious Right has so brow-beaten politicians with their sanctimonious clap-trap it’s political suicide to express interest in Playboy or any other adult magazine. Instead, they talk about their church affiliation — real or imagined.
 Remember the good old days whe we called them “Men’s magazines” and we were treated to an interview with 1976 presidental contender Jimmy Carter in that year’s September issue? Didn’t hurt him at the polls, although the Republicans were ... pretty scandalized by then.

Personally, if I had a daughter who wanted to pose for Playboy, or do what Coco/Nicole does, more power to her! If she enjoys it, make all the dough possible while you can! She wouldn't be dirty, she wouldn't be taboo, and I wouldn't be ashamed to talk about her in public!

Playboy supports many political causes, and one political party in particular — the Democratic Party, and yet that political party treats Playboy like the sick aunt hidden in the attic!

It was the height of political hypocrisy when Harold Ford, Jr. was vilified by the Republican Party because he went to a Playboy Super Bowl party. Worse yet, they really emphasized his dates with White Women, as if that were some moral crime, just to influence voters! And who was their candidate for senator in Illinois for 2004? Jack Ryan, who took his ex-wife to sex clubs. Just last year we found out one of their congressmen, Mark Foley of Florida was hitting on underage teenage boys, trading salacious e-mails with them. The real hypocrisy there being Foley sponsored legislation to make what he did a federal crime! Add that to the Republican Party’s efforts to cover it up and blame the pages and we have a party without a conscience.

The double-standard is alive and kicking when it comes to nudity and sex and it is apparent whenever we turn on a football or basketball game that has cheerleaders. The double standard exists because we bombard our media with images and messages wrapped tightly around the themes of sex and looking HOT and then apply “standards” to television and radio that contradict that message; we tell young women, girls, “don’t have sex until you’re married” yet the most popular shows on TV are all about the sexual encounters of the very people they can’t wait to grow up and emulate.

“Well, take them off the air,” you might say. No. Why take them off the air? Frankly, if they’re at the top of the ratings, which many of them are, then that’s clearly what a majority of Americans wish to view.

And it’s a flight from reality to treat sex, a natural — and necessary — component of human existence as if it’s some dirty little secret and talking about it, let alone doing it in open forums or viewing people doing it open forums, is a taboo that we just can’t broach.

Clearly, a minority of Americans control the content of what we can view and how we view it. “We must protect the children!” is the constant cry.
 You notice that almost every television commercial is geared towards adults with children? Except the beer commercials of course!

Puh-lease … If you want to protect your children, get a V-Chip for your TV and some effective filters for your computer.

This topic wasn’t meant to be the screed for the day — the Inspector General for the Department of Defense testified on Friday that Douglas Feith and his “intelligence” group at the Pentagon (the Office of Special Plans) cooked the books on the Iraq intelligence to build a case for going to war, especially egregious was the connection between Saddam Hussein’s government and Al Qaa’ida Feith claimed existed but was discredited even before Feith and his team presented it as fact to be regurgitated by the Vice President on national TV. That’s pretty heavy information. In essence, we were lied to by the current administration.

What got me going though was the recent death of Anna Nicole Smith, Playmate of the Year for 1993. For years Playmates have been both loved and scorned, called everything from goddesses to whores. With Anna Nicole Smith, the gossip-mongers had a field day, rivaling only Pamela Anderson with the amount of tabloid scrutiny heaped on her troubled life and the picture of Smith became, for a very vocal few, the stereotype for all Playmates and other models. Ditzy blonde airheads, one and all.

I've loved Playmates and Playboy since I first saw Cynthia Myers’ centerfold in the December 1968 issue. So, I am happy Anna Nicole was here.

And for the record: I liked Pamela Anderson’s TV show Stacked, felt bad for Donna D’Errico when she got into trouble, felt sad when Claudia Jennings died so tragically — she was a hometown girl at that — sad Star Stowe died in such circumstances that she did.

My favorite Playmate: Miss August, 2003, Colleen Marie. She’s a veterinarian. I’m tempted to move to her area and buy a couple parakeets just for a reason to stop in and chat … but she lives in the snow belt so that’s usually a (very) short-lived fantasy.

Every Playmate or Playboy model that I've chatted with, person-to-person or online, has been ambitious, seemingly unfazed by rejection and failure, determined to succeed, and what might surprise most people, far more intelligent than most people. That most of them have college degrees is no surprise. They know how to accomplish their tasks, get things done.

So, I mourn the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, not my favorite Playmate, but a person who was determined to succeed and for that I admired her.