The Forkes Report

Dreaming of the 934

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:01:00 -0700

Just woke up from the strangest dream. I had taken a bus somewhere, the original destination already forgotten, realized I had gone too far on the wrong line, got off — and the bus driver was letting the bus drive itself at that moment and got peeved because he was forced to go to the front of the bus — and then decided to walk back to where I needed to be.

And got lost.

When it became so absurd reality could no longer be dismissed, I decided to ask for directions, except that all the people living in the neighborhood were Hispanic, very few of who spoke understandable English. Dammit! I wish I had learned Spanish!
 You have to wonder about a person who has to be forced to accept reality in his dreams.

After being led through a succession of dark buildings and darker rooms, I was taken to a patio sparsely lit by the waning sunlight. It was an overcast day and the waves were choppy on San Diego Bay. The bay was somehow recognizable, but still I couldn’t put my finger exactly on my location.

Trains came through and the other men, there were few women, would play chicken with the trains and then look at me as if I should join in the fun. I stood in the back and watched.

The leader, and toughest guy in the room, was a cop, and he was very much a macho type, knew he was the alpha dog in the room and treated the situation accordingly. He didn’t pay any attention to me; his eyes were focused on the most attractive of the three (?) women and those two began their little dance of seduction. As seductions go, it didn’t last long and her clothing was off in a hurry. And then they disappeared to be alone.

It was then I began insisting they tell me where I could catch a bus and they kept pointing me to an isolated alley. Too paranoid for that, I tried calling a friend with my cell phone, but couldn’t get any reception.

Beyond the railroad tracks there was a busy street, so I decided to walk to it and see if there was a bus line. Once there, I could see it was Palm Avenue in Imperial Beach. There had to be a bus line, the 933/944, which would take me to the Palm Avenue Trolley Stop!
 I just looked it up!

And yet, I got on a weird contraption of a thing that only allowed passengers to stand as it rolled down this micro-size railroad, heading east. While this was happening I couldn’t believe I had taken that mode of transportation and not waited for a bus.

And then I woke up. It was 2:15 in the afternoon and I realized my window for going out had closed substantially. Going out, relying just on a bicycle and the public transit has limitations you might not even consider, one of which is, do you want to get back before it gets dark? Me, I hate pedaling home in the dark so getting home before the streetlights come on is important and at 2:30 p.m., I’ve got, at best, 2.5 hours to do my thing and get home.

Not to mention, it takes a good thirty minutes before I am cognizant enough to actually do anything. Generally, after just waking, I’m groggy, losing my balance and bumping into things. If it didn’t occasionally hurt, this would be funny. I’ll sit at my computer and stare at Spencer Scott’s nude form — or maybe Colleen Marie’s — waiting for full and complete consciousness.

To leave the house by 7 a.m. to make it to work by 9 a.m., I need to be “awake” no later than 5:30 a.m. It takes that long for me to gain complete consciousness, and then get showered, make my breakfast and lunch and then get out the door.

This week, thankfully, I don’t have to be at work until noon. Work is slow. So, I’ll be plenty awake before heading out the door. I’ll even have breakfast at home first.

The topic though isn’t waking up or looking at nekkid Playmates — although that’s always a great topic for me — or even dreams, although this was a pretty weird dream. No, the basis of the dream, an activity I have been involved in for well over a year now, is taking the bus — public/mass transit.

Right now, the cost of gasoline is well under $2.00 a gallon everywhere, including here in San Diego so most Americans aren’t even thinking about giving up their private motor vehicles for public transit. A few weeks ago while waiting for the #20 going to work, I had a conversation with a guy who was taking the bus downtown for jury duty.
 Told him he should have taken one of the real express buses since the #20 ends 15 blocks from the courthouse. He walked back to the Park-n-Ride, got in his super-size SUV, a Toyota Land Cruiser, and drove Downtown.

So, this man wasn’t taking the bus to save money on gas, he was doing so to avoid the high cost of parking your car for the day down by the courthouse. He was okay driving that gas-guzzling SUV everywhere since the price of gas was so low. It’s no stretch to believe most Americans feel the same way about driving their own vehicles as opposed to taking public transit.

But the thought for me is, wouldn’t this be the best time then to start pushing for more public transit and make it even cheaper? Like most other cities in America, san Diego is sucking wind financially and the infrastructure is falling apart, but one way to spur the economy is to do public works, like extending the San Diego trolley, adding more bus lines and have current lines — like the infamous #20 — run more frequently.

And then encourage citizens to use public transit.

Barack Obama and his various opponents in the presidential race talked, at least a little, about the energy crisis and even less about global warming. The talk was about reducing fuel consumption in vehicles and changing the type of fuel. What was disappointing was that none of them said anything about public transit, not locally and certainly not a national transit system.

They put all their eggs in the free market basket, ignoring the successful models of national and local public transit systems we can find in a variety of European and Asian nations. The closest we have to a national public transit system is Amtrak. Here in Southern California Amtrak runs the Surfliner between San Diego and Los Angeles. Other areas with close metropolitan centers have similar local Amtrak lines.

But that’s it. Americans are wedded to owning and using their own motor vehicles and to really make a difference, both in weaning ourselves from carbon fuels and making a dent in cleaning up our planet, public transit, both locally and nationally, has to be a major part of the puzzle.

Currently, I live about a mile from the nearest bus stop, a mile and a quarter if I’m coming home from the south. No one in a metropolitan area like San Diego should live more than a few blocks from either a bus or light rail stop. Also, I spend a large amount of time waiting for one particular connection. Without that wait, a trip home from work that takes at least 90 minutes would be shorter by 30 minutes.

If we make it accessible and feasible, the public would use it, once they realize just how much money they could save by leaving the car at home and taking the bus or trolley. Yeah, we might pay for it in taxes, but the overall savings would be undeniable.

Might even change our dreams. Did mine. That was the first dream I can remember that revolved around taking the bus. Maybe I lead a boring life.

It's a Mystery

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 00:01:00 -0700

The great mysteries of life:

What is our purpose on Earth, why am I here? What comes after life? And when we get a glimpse at our own mortality, when and how will I die?

Most people hate talking about these topics and if you bring them up, there’s a good chance the person on the other end of the conversation will automatically assume you are either a fatalist, prone to depression and a glass-half-empty attitude, or you’re suicidal. Americans, by and large, do not like discussing any topics that involve any introspection on their own mortality.

That’s another great mystery: why are Americans so afraid of death we don’t even want to talk about it? For many, “Death” is a depressing subject. Rather, let’s talk about your job, better yet my job, or better yet, the new season of American Idol!
 Well, one of my favorite topics is Hooters Girls! My friend John and I had lunch at the Rancho Bernardo Hooters! There’s nothing like a Hooters Girl to fuel your unrealistic expectations!
 Then of course there is always the NFL Playoffs. My skeptical — not cynical — view of Saturday’s game between the Indianapolis Colts and the San Diego Chargers in Qualcomm Stadium was that the Colts were on a tear, Peyton Manning had woken up and was beginning to start a pro-bowl worthy season.
 Much to my surprise, the Chargers were up to the task and they won in dramatic fashion just over six minutes into overtime. Hero of the game: Darren Sproles, the 5’6” running back filling in for the injured LaDanian Tomlinson.

Back to the topic: The question of why Americans are so afraid of mortality is a mystery. Not all Americans of course, and many who avoid the topic at all costs will tell you they aren’t afraid of either death or talking about death. They just like to “keep positive!” They don’t want to “dwell on the negative.” Often enough, these are people who have at least a modicum of religious faith, most likely of the Judeo-Christian variety. And that’s okay.
 Brings up another trait I’m trying to change in myself: be a more tolerant person when it comes to religion. If most people are afraid of death, I’m afraid of religion. Even though I believe the world would be better off without it, I need to accept that people have a right to believe in religion if they choose. Just had to edit the last statement from “cling” to religion.

We all die. The only questions are when and how? And isn’t that what we really obsess about when it comes to death? How long will I live? How will I die? Some of us get a clue as to the how and when and that’s not really pleasant. On the other hand, it does a great job of reordering our priorities if they’ve been out of balance.

Some people are blissfully ignorant — like the skiiers and snowboarders who were killed in avalanches in Canada and Wyoming (I think). Bet none of them even thought about dying in the mornings of the days when they were killed. But, you have to wonder if they thought about it when they crossed into areas that were off-limits due to the threat of avalanches, as some did despite the posted warnings. Personally, I have no sympathy for someone who defies the warnings to do something like snowboarding or skiing in an area posted as “off limits.” Too bad for you. The survivors of those parties ought to be charged with a crime — being fatally stupid.
 Okay, who am I to talk. I once went scuba diving on LSD.

It isn't just death we are afraid of, we can worry ourselves to death if we dwell on the when, where and how. That’s the true rub right there. The purpose of life is to live each day, each moment to the fullest and enjoy the moment we have at hand — ironic considering I’m writing this in my tiny cubicle at work. “Enjoy being at work? My god! That’s ... that’s ... unthinkable!”
 The next question then becomes, am I willing to walk the talk?

In the October 22, 2008 post I quoted a Buddhist axiom: “Learn to die and thou shall learn how to live. There shall none learn how to live that has not learnt to die.” In the Buddhist philosophy, from my uneducated interpretation, we start from the premise that life is suffering and death is inevitable. We should not fear either death or suffering. Accept death as a part of life and then don’t sit and wait for death, go and live life. And if we do that, we can then replace the suffering with happiness and contentment.

This is what I’m pondering today, my birthday. Not death, but life. Death is but a part in this play. I think about volunteering to leave work early and enjoy life a little more. Why can’t I just enjoy sitting here in this tiny cubicle? Whatever I choose — or maybe someone higher up in the food chain will choose for me — I’ll do it without regret or a longing to do something else or to be somewhere else. I am here and I am content with that.

A New Leaf

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:01:00 -0700

Happy New Year!

One of the things we can always count on for New Years Day is that there will be wall-to-wall college football on TV; five major games Thursday; The Outback Bowl, formerly know as the, held in Tampa, FL, the Tangerine-Citrus-Capital One Bowl held in Orlando, the Gator Bowl, held in Jacksonville, FL, the Granddaddy of bowl games, the Rose Bowl, held in Pasadena, CA and the last game of the day, the Orange Bowl, held in Miami, FL.

Significantly absent from the lineup: the Cotton Bowl, which had been held on the first day of the year for so many decades. Now, it gets played on January 2. Not to mention, this year’s game, between Texas Tech and Tennessee, will be the last Cotton Bowl Classic played in the Cotton Bowl. As of 2010, the Cotton Bowl will be played in the Dallas Cowboys’ new stadium. As far as I know, it doesn’t have a name yet, the new stadium, but I’m betting it has a corporate sponsor real quick and then it will have a name.
 Here’s what I would suggest: Church & Dwight Co, Inc, the makers of Trojans prophylactics, become that corporate sponsor. Can you see it? “The Cotton Bowl, in the New Trojan Supra Lubricated Stadium!”
 They can have promos like “The Smooth Protection Offensive Play of the Game,” featuring the best blocking, or, instead of the Player of the Game, the “Always Prepared Player of the Game!”
 Let the Free Market do its thing!

The Cotton Bowl, which was first built in 1932 and recently renovated in 2005-06, won’t be torn down since two of the Dallas area’s college football teams have signed contracts to play there through 2015.

Heritage, tradition, history — it all falls away when the topic turns to money. It’s all about the money. That’s why we have the “Outback” Bowl and the Capital One Bowl.

PSU sucked. USC … eh … actually, they were really good. Now I’m watching Virginia Tech and Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl. Got no dog in this fight so I’m just hoping it’s a good game.

That was my New Years Day.

New Year’s Resolution: to start having a positive attitude and be skeptical, not cynical. It’s tough though, cynical can be so entertaining!

So, I’m reading on the Internets a story about why risk-takers take risks. According to studies done at Vanderbilt University and Albert Einstein School of Medicine, it’s the neurotransmitter dopamine. Risk takers have fewer of the dopamine inhibitors that control the chemical and therefore risk takers’ brains are saturated with dopamine making them want to continue taking risks to satisfy that need.

They drive fast, go skydiving, pick fights with guys twice their size … and drink too much and take drugs. Sometimes, they drink too much, take drugs and go skydiving all at the same time!

When a “normal” person jumps out of airplane, dopamine is released and we get the rush of excitement, but the inhibitors block some of it so you don’t get as big a thrill and of course, you still come close to shitting your pants with fear.

The people with fewer dopamine inhibitors get a bigger dose of the chemical. Dopamine isn’t just for exciting activity. It’s the chemical that tells your brain you feel good or are having a good time, so, when you dive into the 22 ounce Melbourne steak at Outback, dopamine is released telling your brain you feel so good. Dopamine makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over.

So, you couple that with the thrill of skydiving or free-diving without a cage amongst great white sharks, and it’s easy to understand why people keep taking risks well into the golden years.
 I remember years ago when someone my age was considered to be approaching his or her “Golden Years.” My, how times have changed.

There isn’t much dopamine in my brain. When I go snorkeling in La Jolla Cove, for instance, I never venture out to the kelp beds. Let’s leave that for the fools in their 20’s. Also, if one is going to encounter a shark like the occasional great white, it’s going to be out by the kelp beds and beyond.

Once, at Pacific Beach, I heard a guy tell the woman he was with there aren’t any sharks in San Diego waters. Which is funny. Just about any day in the summer, someone fishing off the Crystal Pier in Pacific Beach catches a juvenile blue shark. They grow to be 12 feet and one won’t normally encounter them even in the kelp beds. They tend to stay farther out to sea.

But not always. Once in a while they choose to cruise the shallower waters. Ask any lifeguard.

So, the lack of dopamine in my brain protects me from risking all and paddling out to the kelp beds and beyond. It’s actually not a big risk for most people. The people diving in the outer edges of the La Jolla Cove Preserve aren’t in any serious danger, but going in the ocean presents risks and most people who get in trouble while in the ocean do so because they are ignorant of the risks or they choose to flaunt those risks — in other words, risk-takers. My take on it, too bad for them. If you don’t know the risks, you should have and if you know the risks and do it anyway, too bad for you.

Taking risks isn’t my cup of tea anymore. My doctor says otherwise. She doesn’t think I should be pedaling up the 11% grade that is part of my ride to the bus stop every morning. It causes great strain on my heart, which has only three working chambers. The fourth is gone, never coming back.

It’s something to think about as yet another birthday approaches Sunday, January 4th. If I want to be morbid, I can read through the obits everyday and see people my age or younger dying of heart-related diseases, the same ones I have.

We all die and quite possibly the number of days left in my life are shorter, so my goal is to enjoy life more. Not in the sense of doing all the risk-taking adventures, but of accepting each day as it comes and enjoying the moment.

Being unhappy every day gets tiring. Maybe I could use a little more dopamine.

Happy New Year

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 00:01:00 -0700

Here we are, in a New Year, looking forward with ambition and optimism, the latter not quite the usual attitude for what has been, the previous three years, a period of unhappiness in a prison of thought that life was over and my time was over.

Friendships — those bonds of love, tolerance and acceptance outside the confines of this Macintosh and the world it represents — have pushed and prodded, willing my soul when that dark fiber could find no willingness of its own, carrying on most days, like the poetic story of one set of footprints in the sand.

“God,” if such an entity truly exists, is there in the voices, the eyes and the souls of those around me, most especially those who have cared for me these past three years. How does God speak to us, if not through those who are most passionate about our well-being?

Truth and Love can be abstracts, “true love” absolutely an abstract, yet in what is the rarest of relationships, Truth and Love become something tangible; a bond that withstands any desire for separation, despite the desperation in the moment.

The saying goes, “desperate times call for desperate measures.” Maybe, but quite the contrary, desperate times here have called for strength and willingness and a Faith that those who love and support us will not leave us to suffer, let alone to suffer alone.

For that I am eternally grateful, even when such gratitude seems far from the present reality, without any hope that it may return.

And now, a brief reminder of why I am here with this blog, greeting the New Year with a new resolve: The beginning of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••
Article ICongress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Article IIA well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Article IIINo Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Article IVThe right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Article VNo person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Article VIIn all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Article VIIIn Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Article VIIIExcessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Article IXThe enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Article XThe powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••

May Love, Peace, Happiness and Prosperity be yours in 2009.

Maybe a Raffle, Mr. President!

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:18:38 -0700

In December, one in ten privately owned homes is in foreclosure. That’s about eight million homes. Eight million times $380,000.00, the median price of homes in the U.S. … doing the math … WOW! That’s $3,040,000,000,000 in loans going bad. That’s $3.04 quadrillion if you’re wondering.

And Republicans in Congress are bitching about the one trillion-dollar stimulus package President-Elect Obama is proposing. After voting for a trillion dollars for their pals in the banking business.

So it breaks down like this: a trillion for their banking buddies — without any strings attached — but nothing, not even the paltry $25 billion, for the U.S. auto industry because they don’t like the union — the workers. Now, the Republicans want to deny any stimulus to average Americans who might be struggling under individual financial problems.

It really didn’t need to be restated here. The Republicans haven’t been pro-American, certainly not in my lifetime. They’ve been pro-business, which some say is pro-American because, in their fantasy world, business stimulates the economy.

Well, during the Bush Administration, when government was effectively controlled by the Republican Party, business was rewarded with removal of restrictions, regulations and of course enforcement of what few regulations remain, not to mention tax breaks like no private, individual taxpayer making under $250,000.00 per year saw, including tax breaks to companies who closed their U.S. operations, putting millions out of work, to open up sweat shops in foreign countries.

Not to mention the taxpayer financed auto plants opened for foreign carmakers in the states represented by the most vociferous opponents of the auto industry bailout.

That doesn’t sound pro-American to me, that’s downright UN[American. For the contemporary Republican Party, “patriotism” is defined by A) your party affiliation, B) how much of a screwing you’re willing to take so the wealthiest can accumulate more wealth and C) Are you willing to serve, or encourage your children to serve, in the Armed Forces so the Republicans can start their wars of convenience.

Of course “C” doesn’t apply to them, although a few have served and even one I dislike a lot, Duncan Hunter, has kids serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, so on that point, they not only talk the talk, they walk the walk.

There are a couple of Republicans who don’t fit that entire description of course. Senator Chuck Hagel comes to mind. Too bad he is retiring once this Congress is officially over. He served in the military as well.
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••
Here’s an interesting opportunity, if you’re looking to buy a house on the cheap. You’d have to move to Maryland if you don’t live there already, if you’re buying it as a residence, as opposed to turning around and selling it.

A company is holding a raffle to give away a house. Buy-in is $50.00 per raffle ticket, buy as many as you want. Apparently, it’s an old historical home on the verge of going into foreclosure so the owners have decided to raise a little money buy holding a raffle. Actually, they want to raise about 2 million.

A brief description: it’s a 6000 square-foot custom home with 6 bedrooms, 4 ½ baths and 2 kitchens on a level, grassy 2 acre parcel just outside of Annapolis, MD, a short drive from Baltimore, MD and Washington, DC.

Over 21,000 entries have been paid, that’s … doing the math … that’s just over a million dollars and they would like to have another 29,000 entries.

“The winner will receive the home free of any mortgages or liens, and will not be required to pay any closing costs!” The web site says. But you’ll have to pay the taxes and depending on what the property is assessed at, that could be considerable.

The group holding the raffle is the We Care and Friends, a group dedicated to helping those in the Baltimore area addicted to alcohol and drugs. That’s a non-profit I could get behind.

Gotta wonder, if this works for them, will others try to raffle off their homes in similar fashion? These are crazy days we live in and I haven’t even mentioned Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich who just appointed Roland Burris, the former Illinois Attorney General, to take over Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat.

Gotta hand it to the governor; appointing a well-respected African-American to fill the seat after the Senate majority leader, Harry Reid, vowed he would not seat anyone appointed by Blagojevich.

The balls’s in your court, Harry … and let’s start fixing the economy already.

It’s All About Me

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:01:00 -0700

Twenty-three days until Barack Obama is sworn in as president of the United States. Question is, can the U.S. survive that long? Well, we’ve survived so far, so the last three weeks of this current administration, we can suffer.

San Diego Chargers fans are probably suffering hangovers this morning. The Chargers made it into the Playoffs, beating the Denver Broncos 52-21. This needs to be mentioned since my family in the Denver area never had a problem reminding me when the pony boys made it to the playoffs. “Euwww! John Elway!”
 Now the pony girls have Jake Cutler at QB. He did a lot of talking before the game ...

Going to and from work I use the trolley that stops at the “Q” (Qualcomm Stadium), the Green Line. Sunday, there was a large number of Chargers fans dressed in the Chargers best heading to the game. Here was a chance for the Chargers to not only get in the playoffs, but win their division as well. They just had to beat the hated Broncos — which, this season, isn’t really a tall order.

In fact, winning the division wasn’t a tall order either. The Chargers did it with .500 season. The Broncos have a.500 season. The difference: the Chargers beat the Broncos this season — twice. Good lord, if the Chargers had lost …

The thing about riding the trolley on Sunday is that it is usually not crowded and one can have a quiet ride. I enjoy riding the trolley any day of the week, but the weekends are especially nice. Not so Sunday afternoon when the boisterous crowds jammed the three and four-car trains. Usually, the Green Line has but two cars per train.

Regular trolley riders know the routine and let the bike riders have the spaces on the cars best suited for hanging on to a bike. The occasional riders jam on to the trolley car in herds and for some unfathomable reason, choose to stand in the doorways, even if there are seats available.

It has to do with all the movies set in New York, I think. People see crowded subways with people standing, hanging on to rails and straps in the movies or on TV so naturally, to get that real New York effect, they choose to stand on the trolley, rather than sit and the only places to stand with something to hold on to are right in front of the doors.

Blessedly, the people going to the game got off five stops before Fashion Valley, where I usually disembark. Had I needed to get off before then, trying to push through the crowd would have been infuriating.

Years ago, it used to be that people getting on to the bus or trolley would wait for the people getting off and would move away from in front of the door. Not these days. As I get off the trolley especially, the inconsiderate jerks are themselves pushing their way on to the car and the ones still on the platform won’t move out of the way so those of us getting off don’t have to thread our way through a crowd.

Manners are noticeably absent in today’s world, at least in San Diego. Most young people on the bus don’t give up their seats for the elderly or disabled, unless instructed to by the driver. Most people getting off the bus will push around the elderly to get off, rather than wait as these older people who have certainly paid their dues in life, get off as best they can. Yeah, I’d like to get off the bus as quickly as possible, but I’m not pushing anyone aside to do so.

This nation lacks civility and I’m probably one of the worst offenders at times. Especially online. Maybe, with the incoming president, someone who actually worked with his community, there will be a return to a more polite society. We’ve been a “me first” nation for far too long, ruled by greed and avarice.

Maybe, with our economy in shambles, our reputation around the world shattered and a different view of the world taking office on January 20, 2009, that will begin to change.

Next week though, I’ll be traveling home from work on the Green Line when Chargers fans will be heading to the game. The thought makes me wish the Chargers were playing on the road in Indianapolis. Let someone else deal with the transit issues. But it’s all a part of life, just one game.

Unless those fuckin’ bastards beat the Colts … DAMMIT! They just might too! That’s it, I’m wearing a Raiders jersey next Saturday.

The Weather Outside

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 12:01:00 -0700

For all those laboring under the rumor that it never gets cold in Southern California, let me disabuse you of that notion: at 3:22 a.m. Saturday, December 27, 2008, it is now 45°f in my little corner of the world. At the moment, that’s as cold as La Crosse, Wisconsin where my brother Ken lives!
 Ken and his wife Cindy are expecting their first child. Should be born in August I believe.

There are family members and friends in the Snow Belt who will say, “45°f isn’t cold! That’s a heat wave! I go sunbathing nude when it gets that warm!”

First of all, none of them, save for my Canadian friend Lisa, who is as … err … licentious … as I am — more so, some would say — would actually sunbathe nude in any weather. Okay, my friend Christina — Miss March — who lives in Northern California in the Cascades, sunbathes nude, but not at this time of year.

Other than those two, I have no family members or friends in the Snow Belt who get nekkid outside the confines of their bedrooms, dressing rooms or other such private confinements … well, my friend Kimberlee does. She’s in State College, Pennsylvania attending PSU …
 Okay, for you Kim, since your Nittany Lions whipped my Badgers: GO NITTANY LIONS!
… °sigh° … the things I do to impress a girl …
 PSU will be representing the Big Ten in the Granddaddy of all bowl games, the Rose Bowl, so I’ll actually be cheering on the Lions. After all, they are playing the hated USC Trojans. Boo!

So, this notion that those in the Snow Belt find 45°f — 7°c for those of you in Canada — to be warm is BS! You should have heard them in September through November when it was getting down to these temperatures. “It’s too cold! I’m so cold … boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.”

Effin’ crybabies. You could up and move to Southern California and over-pay for everything, especially housing — just like I did. So quit your bellyaching! You like living where you do!

If you moved here, we could sit around our patios, with those cool palm tree-looking space heaters warming us up as we sip our margaritas and Diet Cokes, lamenting global warming and the lack of a sane, sensible progressive income tax system — okay, some of you yahoos would argue against a progressive income tax in which case I’d put a laxative in your margarita — but there we’d be in our designer hoodies talking about how cold it is this winter.

Sure, the mountains in winter can be beautiful in the crisp, clean winter air, but the moment you step outside, you’re thinking, “I should go visit Tim in San Diego for a few weeks!”

But for a variety of reasons, all those dear loved ones stay where they are at, in the bone-splintering cold beneath yards and yards of snow, meters for those of you in Canada.

My brother in Milwaukee, Rick, can’t think of any esthetic reason to stay there. It can be beautiful in the summer, but the winters are a horror. But he stays.

Milwaukee is a curious place. For almost my entire life in Milwaukee we had a Socialist mayor (Henry Maier) in a state that for the most part voted Democratic and was the birthplace of the Socialist Party of America.

It started in 1901 in Janesville. There is a modern misconception — once held by me even — that Fightin’ Bob La Follette was a part of that political movement. He wasn’t. Fightin’ Bob started his political career as a Republican, based on the ideals of the Lincoln Republican Party.

When he saw how the Republicans had become a tool for Big Business, squashing the average American in the process, he formed the progressive wing of the Republican Party, and later the Progressive Party.

So, Milwaukee, and Wisconsin, has a strong and storied progressive past, one that leads the nation. It’s been mostly a union state, as far as labor goes, but since the time of Reagan has voted for Republicans — a lot.

Anyway, I digress. Milwaukee has this rich, socialist history and enormous sense of right and wrong politically … and yet personally, they are some of the most conservative people I’ve ever met. All of them church-going types who still grumble about stores and taverns doing business on Sundays — even though many of them frequent those stores and taverns on Sundays.

They are a lovable, generous bunch, those Milwaukeeans, but morally, they are as conservative Christian as they come. The may have voted for Barack Obama in the general election, but they went to church every Sunday and prayed about it first.

So, the only people who ever leave that state to live elsewhere are different. A deep down in the soul Milwaukeean would never consider leaving Wisconsin, the benefits, for them are obvious! Truly, it’s a relatively clean government, unlike California and other states. Hard work is still a virtue!

You’re not likely to find many Mercedes, Beemers or Porches driving the streets either. Those who can afford such luxury automobiles don’t, instead opting for more “sensible” cars, ones that don’t stand out in a crowd. Hell, they still buy American!

It would please me to no end to have my brother Rick move out here to Sandy Eggo, but he’s a deep down in the soul Milwaukeean. He ain’t moving away from there! Besides, his life is taking place in Milwaukee.

Once, years ago, he tried living in Nashville, working as a musician, but he moved back to Milwaukee. Bet he’s frickin’ cold right now, thinking about a vacation in Jamaica or even out here, which isn’t nearly as warm as Jamaica. But he wouldn’t move here or to Jamaica.

Granted, after a couple weeks of sub-zero temperatures, 45° is a welcome relief, unless it’s raining, in which case it’s bone-chilling cold, but they know 45°f is cold, really cold! They just don’t like to admit it when I’m lamenting the chill in the air.

But, I love my family, despite their peculiarities, so Rick and the rest are welcome any time if they want to come visit. My door is always unlocked, but not open — it’s too damn cold.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 08:01:00 -0700

A few of my favorite Holiday gifs!
Just about all of them courtesy of my good friend Sir Gillywulf!

Holiday Cheers!

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 12:01:00 -0700

I was about to pen my Christmas Eve note and realized I had written nearly the very same piece a year ago. So, here it is again, with a few alterations!
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••
Well, here it is, Christmas Eve, when some families will gather ‘round the living room Christmas tree, exchange love and material gifts, sit down to a nice meal … and then wonder why Uncle Bob got me that for Christmas. What a knob!

Christmas, of course, didn’t start as a Christian holiday. In many modern and ancient religions this time was to celebrate the Winter Solstice. Many of the trappings we call “Christmas:” the tree, Yule log, holly, wreaths, mistletoe … and a few others I can’t think of at the moment, all had their origins in other religions and were only adopted as “Christian” when the Romans, who controlled most of Europe and the Middle East, forced conversion to Christianity on those they oppressed. To make it more palatable to those they were oppressing, the Romans encouraged their enslaved nations to incorporate their own practices into the celebrations of Christian holidays.

“Christmas trees” go back before the time of Christ actually. Just read this today: in the Old Testament Jeremiah (Jeremiah 10:2-4) condemns those who adorn their homes with cut trees to celebrate the “heathen” religious rite honoring the Winter Solstice. The ancient Romans, before, during and after the time of Christ, would adorn the homes with ornaments and boughs of evergreens and holly to celebrate the holiday of Saturnalia — the Winter Solstice.
 Christmas, until about 350 A.D., was actually observed on January 10th. Constantine, ruler of all that was Roman, moved it to December 25th to more coincide with the feast of Saturnalia.
 Archaeologically speaking — historically speaking — Christ was more likely born sometime in April or May, maybe June. But, apparently celebrating the Savior’s birth and death in the same month seemed … unseemly.

The Yule log comes from the Norseman. They celebrated the holiday of Jul at this time of year and part of that celebration was the Jul Log. And since the Scandinavians cannot pronounce their “J’s” properly like we English speakers, it became the “Yule” log. Get it?
 Another part was a very potent alcoholic beverage called Jul … Maybe that’s where the tradition to be merry at Christmas is derived.
 Actually, the ancient Romans celebrated Saturnalia with rites to Bacchus, the god of everything sinful and delightful! The ancient Roman ornaments were usually in homage to Bacchus, so remember that as you admire your finely adorned Christmas tree! You’re paying homage to wild drunkenness and wild, unfettered sexual excess.

There’s nothing historically Christian about the material trappings of the holiday that are now associated with Christmas.” Except the Baby Jesus and the Nativity Scenes we see dotting the urban landscape. On private property of course, it ought not be displayed on public/government property.

Back when North America was first settled by the Europeans many of these particular trappings of the Holidays were banned by the authorities because they were Pagan and defiled the essence of the day. Things like Christmas trees and Yule logs didn’t become popular until the mid-19th Century. It was the Germans — more precisely German immigrants — who are most responsible for bringing all the accoutrements we now recognize to be a part of Christmas to America.

I like the holiday though, despite not having any affiliation with the religion to which it is ascribed. I live in San Diego with no family anywhere near so we get online communicate. This time of year really gives me reason to appreciate my family more, especially since my brother Carl passed away 29 months ago. He was the only family in San Diego. So, in honor of him I’ll spend the day napping. it’s too cold and rainy to go outside.

In years past Carl and I would go to the beach and take our “Look what we’re doing on Christmas” photos — we were at the beach and occasionally in the water! This we did to torment our family members in the Snow Belt!

Last year when I first wrote this, it was originally intended to be an insulting rebuke to those who think there is a “War on Christmas.” But, at this time of the year my mind often wanders to my family and friends and despite some of their … individual beliefs and peculiarities (and my family is pretty damn peculiar!) … I still love them dearly and would rue the day I found myself on the outside of their love and consideration.

Despite the vast miles between us, my family is as close as ever. Since there were eight of us kids — now seven, but I still consider us eight — instead of getting everyone gifts, my mother created and we adopted, the tradition of choosing names and buying/creating/contriving that special someone a gift. It works great and if you feel like it you can send others gifts as well, but this ensures we get at least one gift for Christmas and spares us the horror of going broke getting gifts for everyone in the family.
 I swear, next year I’ll start sending Christmas cards on time. (2007)
 Didn’t git’er done this year either. (2008)

Last year I received a gift from my sister Mary Lou. She lives in Texas. Some things just seem so … unforgivable … but, she’s my sister so I overlook her choice of where to live. She has two wonderful, grown children and a granddaughter!

Whatever our differences, I can always count on Mary Lou and the rest of my family to be loving and supportive and at this time of year that seems far more important than insulting the people who think there is a “War on Christmas.”

What I’ve learned since first writing this a year ago: it doesn’t matter how you celebrate this Holiday, my wish is “Peace, happiness and prosperity in the coming year be unto you.”

So, Happy Holidays to all my readers … (sigh) … I know there are at least three.

More sincerely, Merry Christmas to my family. I always wish you were here.

Colder Than a Witch’s ...

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:01:00 -0700

It’s cold outside. Doesn’t matter where you live, it’s cold.

It’s been down to freezing at night here in Sunny Sandy Eggo and the mountains that ring the Eastern edges of the county are full of snow. Skiers and snowboarders like that sort of thing, but it’s my studied opinion that they have deep, self-destructive psychological issues.

Right now, it’s about 50°f and raining here, not the sort of weather a bus and bike guy like myself enjoys when traversing the streets. I was gonna do my Christmas shopping today — there are gifts I need to get in the mail to relatives in other states and this might put a crimp on getting them there by Christmas. Maybe I’ll just order online!

The weather is just crazy though, freezing all over. My brothers in Wisconsin have been looking at sub-zero temps for some time now, as have my relatives in Colorado. My first thought is, “Better you than me.” But, I worry for their health. In the Forkes family, cardiac issues are the rule, not the exception.

In Colorado: Denver: 21°f, Greeley: 14°f. Wisconsin: La Crosse: 0°f! DAMN! And Watertown isn’t much better a 1°f! Even my Dear Sister in Sealy, Texas — the one who makes the best cookies — is experiencing 39°f! Sheesh!

Cousins in Minnesota; Bemidji: -3°f; Elk River: -2°f, Minneapolis: -3°f …

Makes the temperature here (50°f) and in Tampa, home to another Dear Sister (61°f) seem … temperate. Doesn’t matter, it’s cold! And raining! Who wants to go outside in this? Well, besides the psychologically challenged who do things like go snowboarding and skiing. My nephews Dan and Andrew do that sort of thing, and I believe my niece Emyli.
 That’s how she’s decided to spell her name so I support and celebrate her creative process!

They’re young, they’ll grow out of that sort of thinking. One day they’ll wake up and say, “You know, Uncle Tim is right! This is nuts! I’m moving to Sunny Sandy Eggo!”

Their parents, stuck in their ways, will no doubt stay in the snow belt, shoveling snow, putting on layers and layers and layers of clothes — what am I saying, I’m wearing a t-shirt and a zipped up hoodie with sweat pants and nice warm socks. Well, I don’t have as many layers.

Just about all of my siblings have come to visit, but usually in the summer. That’s always welcome. Bet they all wish they could come visit right about now. 50°f probably sounds like paradise to them!

In Alberta, Canada, where my friend Lisa lives, it’s -13°f. In Celsius, that works out to -25°, the thermometer by which Canadians measure the temperature. They have to be so damn different! See what you get for being different Dear Canadians! It’s 12 degrees colder than it could be if you went by the Fahrenheit thermometer!

You measure your liquids in liters — and in Quebec you spell it “litre” —distance in meters … here in the states with have inches, feet, yards, furlongs, leagues (for going under the sea) and miles. None of this millimeter, meter, kilometer nonsense! Hell No! In fact, we, as a nation, won’t even bother to learn the metric system!

Unless, of course, we’re competing in the Olympics and have to run a 100-meter dash, or swim the 400 meter freestyle. Then, yeah, we’ll put up with that metric nonsense. But nosiree will we convert from Fahrenheit to Celsius! It’s too damn cold as it is! Jeez, 50°f converts to … let me pull up that converter page on the Internets … OH MY GAWD that’s like 10° in Celsius! I’m dying of pneumonia just imagining it!

I’m sticking with Fahrenheit.

Some unpronounceable place in Russia hit an astounding -67° last week. People live there! It has hot springs, so … no! No! it’s too effin’ cold!
 Hmmm … in Celsius, that’s like only -55°. Well, Celsius has its place … I guess.

Yeah, it’s cold all over. Canada is expected to have a White Christmas from coast-to-coast for the first time in over four decades. Well, listen to Bing Crosby. Me, I’ll pull up the site for the Edmunton Sun and admire their SUNShine Girls and listen to my collection of Beach Boys!

Canada has many beautiful women of course, some really celebrated ones. The current Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole, is from Canada, as is Miss February 1990 Pamela Anderson. Bet they’re glad they aren’t in Canada right now. Well, maybe Jayde Nicole is. She still considers herself Canadian, poor girl. She needs to find a good man in Southern California … HEY! THAT’S ME!

Anyway, I’ve deviated from my topic. Well, I’m deviant. And cold! I wanna go outside, do some Christmas shopping and then get it in the mail! °sigh° I’ll call a friend and ask for a ride.

That’s one thing I like about life; my friends are loyal, courteous and helpful when I need it. To them I extend my love and loyalty, as I do my family. Without family — even if they are so far away, some much colder than I — Christmas would be a terribly sad affair indeed.

This Article my friend Lisa posted really says it all about Christmas; I think you’ll agree.

Still, next Christmas, let’s all agree to meet in Kona, Hawaii.
•••• •••• •••• •••• •••• •••• ••••
One more thing, my friend Lisa, who is a witch, assures me her tits are plenty warm. I’ll have to take her word on that. Err ... no further comment needed.

Reality 3.1.1

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:01:00 -0700

This is a replay of a previous post!
•••• •••• •••• ••••
Ever wonder about the online world of forums and message boards? Chat rooms? Me neither, until I joined one. A forum that is.

Our family has an online forum, but it’s seldom used nemore (anymore). We still post in there on occasion, but not like years past. It’s morphed into something wonderful and easy to use, with great features like photo and art galleries, links to all of our local weather pages and of course sub forums for topics like music and the arts, politics and religion, health and … I forget’em all. Wish we posted more.

Mi familia is scattered all over the U.S.: Colorado, Texas, Florida, California and Wisconsin, where we originated. So, the family forum is a great way for all of us to keep in touch and check in on one another. There’s an older brother I haven’t heard from in months. He’s going through some desperately difficult times and I worry about his health, both emotionally and physically.

Then there’s a sister in Texas. I just worry about her. She makes the best cookies at Christmas and regardless of our differences in opinion — we are solidly on opposite sides of the political fence — life without her would be significantly diminished. Then there is another sister in Florida. I worry about her constantly. Some of us have hardscrabble lives and existing would be a step up from surviving. And yet, when we communicate we hardly read or hear a peep of complaint.

My two younger brothers are doing well, bringing up their families; their children are either in college or about to graduate from high school, so they have a lot going on in their lives and it would be nice to know what’s going on with them. The also have significant health issues, just like mine, so trading stories, sharing our experience, strength and hope with these issues not only gives us a way to vent, but also could give us the courage, discipline and hope to change our lifestyles for the better and live longer, less pain-filled lives.

Then there is my younger sister. She is such a sweetheart! One can never say that enough! Well, her two children — both grown now — could probably give us ample reason to refute that, but they’re 20-somethings. What do they know! She’s got health issues too — we’re all at that age when health issues are generally the main topic of conversation — so I worry about her health as well.

So, that family forum is important. But it isn’t quite like a forum where all the members are people you’ve never met in “real” life.

Everything you’ve ever heard about online “personalities” is true. Few, if any of the members (including myself), are exactly who or what they are in “real” life. Much of who I am is contained in those posts. If anything, it’s my personality magnified. Online, you can say things with the keyboard you might not consider saying to someone face-to-face, although I’ve called someone a “dickweed” in person and online.

Also, when talking down to someone, I’ll often correct his or her grammar. When talking down to someone online, I’ll correct his or her spelling! Sometimes though, I’ll correct someone’s spelling just out of kindness because I have affection for the person so the difference is all in how the spelling lesson is delivered.

The most amusing aspects about online forums are the various personae one encounters. In this one particular forum, as one gathers more posts, he or she is given a new title. Currently I am a “Forum Fanatic.” One of my favorite titles is “Addict.” Which is funny because one gets that title early on in the posting tenure when it isn’t quite apparent if the poster is indeed addicted or not. Maybe it’s an inducement to the posters to continue posting until they do indeed become addicted.

Once a poster (member) reaches a certain number of posts — 22,000 to be exact — the poster can choose a title of his or her own, like “The First Family,” “Chairman of the Board” or “Romantic Dream Weaver” and (I’m not making this one up), “The King.” Really? The king of what?

Actually, the guy has a little fiefdom in that forum, with a lot of disciples willing to do his bidding online — including one who claims to be, in his screen name signature, “The Official Bouncer.” Now, bear in mind, anyone who is a member of the forums as a whole can post in any topic — called a thread — and they really can’t be stopped from posting. But he has a menacing photo in his online I.D. so that pretty much tells you he’s the tough guy. Oh, and he’s studying to be a security guard.

Which brings us to the point of this little commentary: a “flame war” has erupted between factions of this forum, this community. Yes, it is a “community,” complete with cliques and clubs, pulpits and even a Surf Shack! It used to have two Witch’s Tits, but when the Witch was banned the moderators deleted the Tits.
 It would appear unnatural to have just one tit, so the Witch created two.

Nevertheless, the flame war was on, two of my friends were banned and the creeps of the forum still have their way. Forums don’t like flame wars. It disrupts the quiet, friendly congeniality forums are supposed to engender on the Internets. It’s a place where like-minded people gather to discuss common interests. But, like everything else in life, people have personalities and those personalities — amplified exponentially — come out.

In an online forum, you can be whomever you want to be; you can be that “person” you wish to be in real life but are too afraid to live since you most likely will lose your job, go to jail or get your ass kicked into the nearest emergency room. In an online forum, you can call someone a “dickweed” and what are they gonna do? Threaten to fly half way across the country, find you and kick your ass into the nearest emergency room? Not likely.

What someone does, when they feel they were slighted or someone they like was slighted, is go to the moderators — the “mods” — and complain that [me for instance] “called me a dickweed.”

“Yes [moderator], I called [the dickweed] a dickweed. I won’t do it again.”

That’s how it goes. Of course, there are the little perps who suck up to the moderators so that when they start some shit, they, the perps, might get preferential consideration when an offense needs to be adjudicated by the moderators.

How does one suck up to a moderator? You start a thread (topic) extolling the virtues of said moderator. That’s happened more than once and the latest is a paean to a content editor to the forum’s parent website.

People generally dismiss online forums and chats as not ‘real,” but they are every bit as real as the physical aspects of our lives. Online forums aren’t a flight from reality, they are completely different realities. And for some forum members — of every online forum — the forum is their reality. Some people may consider this harmful, mentally or emotionally debilitating, but only because we’ve been brought up in a world without computers and the Internets.

True, forums do not prepare one for the reality outside our door, outside the cocoon of the Internet, where bill collectors still want their lucre, employers still want us to work like dogs for their low-paying jobs and maybe, if you have a spouse and kids, the demands and responsibilities of having someone else to answer to in life.

For many, the forum is an escape, like playing video games, a retreat from “reality” as other folks like to call the physical world. It’s a refuge from the daily horrors and torments of that physical world — which will still be there when we log off and deal with the physical world.

Forums let us be free of the constraints that frustrate us in daily life; we can voice opinions and show our inner beings without facing the scrutiny or condemnation of our fellows. We can talk shit and never have to worry about walking the talk. Think about it: if I ever had to be “John Wayne” in the physical world, at this stage in my life, well, the thought scares me because in my part of the physical world, that can easily become a reality. And that’s a topic for another blog.

If the people who inhabit my physical world really knew what I was into, they would probably cut a wide berth. Maybe even suggest I “get help.” Not so in the virtual world where I can find like-minded individuals or at least people who tolerate and accept my somewhat … err … less mainstream … interests. Some of which I would never have the courage to share with family. I love my family and would rather be happy than be right.

Except when it comes to politics … in which case my sister makes the best cookies.

Love Me

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:01:00 -0700

Wednesday I read the funniest thing on the Internets while looking for information on a topic that’s now totally forgotten. That’s one of the great drawbacks of the Internets: one can be easily distracted. Usually, for me, it’s something of an at least mildly prurient nature; Jennifer Anniston nude on the cover of … let me go check … GQ.

She’s actually hotter now than when she first burst into the limelight 14 years ago. She’s buff!

It’s so easy to get off topic. In fact, this was being written Wednesday, for Thursday … and I got sidetracked by the big news of the day: the president is on his “Rewrite My History” tour and the vice president, in a televised interview with Martha Raddatz, admitted he and several other highly placed Bush Administration officials signed off on and authorized torture.

So, relationships, as important as they may be, got shoved to the back-burner and if your stove is like mine, the back-burners are for pots and pans you’re not gonna use but once in a blue moon.

Although, whenever I concoct a holiday dinner, I use at least three of the burners and sometimes all of them, as well as the oven. But that’s so rare, I know the Dutch oven and the 4-inch saucepan are safe and out of the way until I might find a need for either. I just gotta remember to dust them off now and then.

Turning back to the topic at hand though, one that actually implicates Anniston to some degree for being complicit in a social epidemic — alleged social epidemic — let’s get into relationships!

So, I read this article and chuckled; my first thought being to write, “I’m very realistic, I’d marry a woman that looks like any Playboy Playmate, no particular look.” I love irony. But then I started reading the comments and what I find startling is the number people who actually believe this is a widely experienced problem. I'm sure there are some who are influenced in unrealistic ways by a variety of film genres, but to state that Hollywood is ruining relationships? Puh-leeze!

You know what’s unrealistic? Trying to live up to the fantasies we are told to uphold as the “right” ways to live, especially when it comes to relationships; that we are by natural design monogamous animals, that a supernatural being created us in his own image with the male as the head of the household and we should follow the rules codified in religious texts that were first written in the Iron Age.

All the married people I know realize relationships can be difficult sometimes; the husband isn’t going to walk through the door with roses every night and the wife isn't going to be a nymphomaniac in bed every night. And those are just the broad strokes. With each couple there are myriad of other clichés that don’t apply.

If someone bases his or her romantic life on movies like Ten Things I Hate About You or Sleepless in Seattle, that’s a sign to move on.
Also, not all romantic comedies follow one — or even two — plot formulas, there are many; not all Hollywood movies about romance and relationships depict unrealistic expectations of love, romance and relationships, not even all of the romantic comedies.

The influence of Hollywood is vastly over-stated.

One of my Dear Brothers has been married for nearly 25 years — a long, long time. He is the quintessential happy and contented married man. I envy his tranquility. Now, my guess is, his life isn’t always tranquil, after all he has a wife, two daughters and, I believe, at least one dog and one cat. The dog and cat by themselves would drive me up a wall! But the tumultuous vagaries of family life don’t dissuade him from enjoying the beauty and company of his family. Nor even the expense.

It would be a stretch by any measure to suggest he and his loved ones have been heavily, or even slightly, influenced by Hollywood and they see a lot of movies. They are just so damn normal it’s hard to believe this is the same brother who … err … I should ask him if his daughters read this before I write that.

At any rate, his family is more like the Ward and June Cleaver of our clan — except that they have two daughters instead of two sons.
 Ever wonder why we never saw the extended families of the Cleavers? I’ve often wondered if Wally and the Beav ever had cousins. Eddy Haskell was almost a cousin … well, not really. Regardless, I’d like to know!

On the other hand, I’m heavily influenced by movies. Just watched Casino Royale, the newer one with Daniel Craig. A lot of women tell me I look a lot like Daniel Craig (see the above photo), unless I’m taking my meds in which case the voices in my head are blessedly silent. It’s hard to get any sleep when there’s a bevy of beauties saying, “You’re so sexy,” in my ears.

So, I’ve been trying to mimic the mindset of James Bond, the new millennium version, a better version of James Bond than even Sean Connery and that old Scot defined the character. It’s hard though when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

In the scene when James/Daniel is walking out of the water, heading up to the beach front mansion with the hot, hot woman who had been riding a horse — I don’t look anything like that really.

Popular media though, could heavily influence teenagers, easily creating unrealistic expectations of love and romance and what it means to be an adult man or woman. I joined the Marines partly because that, in my view created in part by popular media, appeared to be what real men do. Well, some real men do join the military, but other real men join the Peace Corps, go to college and become president.

It’s all bullshit of course, the “relationships” we see in most films and television programs and as impressionable teenagers we pick up on that celluloid advice and try to play it out in real life. Where it usually fails and that’s how we learn the difference between the celluloid fantasy world and real life.

Stereotypes, exaggerated to the extreme, are what sell movie tickets and advertising revenue on TV and that’s mostly what we get. As teens we want nothing less than what our favorite characters have; what teenage boy wouldn’t want to be Hayden Panettiere’s boyfriend or for girls, Daniel Radliffe’s girlfriend? We make up all types of romantic fantasies for our favorite stars … and then we grow out of them — usually. I still relish mine!

Truthfully, whatever influence we might derive from Hollywood, be it television, movies or music, is all in our heads, like the vast and myriad romances I have with the women I gaze at lovingly on the computer. Love doesn’t have to be a battlefield and women don’t have to appear in a men’s magazine to be beautiful. It just sells the best in our celebrity-addicted society.

And most of the world’s beautiful women don’t appear in any magazines. We just entertain the fantasy that the ones who do are the standard, but most adults have moved past that narrow view.

Except for me of course. I’m still holding out for Playmate Colleen Marie!

Fear of ...

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0700

This is a repeat of a blog written a few months earlier.
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On MySpace.com, if you have a page, you can post a blog there; I often post this one there as well, although on MySpace … well, everything about MySpace is nearly discouraging. It’s so popular it crawls at a snail’s pace when you want to check in on someone’s page or read messages or load a comment on to a friend’s page.

But I have a lot of hotties on my friends list and that makes up for all the detractions I find with MySpace.

When posting a blog on MySpace, you can attach little thingies to your post, like, “what are you listening to” (right now I’m listening to the finches in the trees outside my window), “what are you reading” (Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller) “what are you watching” (nothing) and what is your mood. Right now, my mood is depressed. Things have not been going great for the past few months and all day I’ve been engulfed in fear; fear of my financial future primarily, and the fear of being alone I guess.

That last fear surprised me. I’ve never been married, but had a couple live-in girlfriends. Having a life-long mate has never been a dream, priority or even a passing consideration and it probably isn’t now, but once in a while, on the dark nights I’m glad there’s an Internet.

Richard Jeni

The sadness was perpetrated by the un-spoken news that a cyber-friend didn’t get something she really wanted. My first thought was that I had something to do with her disappointment. You know the syndrome: the whole world revolves around what we say and/or do. As it turns out, her sadness had nothing to do with me. Imagine my disappointment with the news that I’m not the center of the universe. Nevertheless, I share her sadness.

One thing about fear and sadness is that taken together they can breed depression. That’s a clinical disease we as a culture treat as an aberration, a pariah, something to mock, especially if the depressed person, like comedian Richard Jeni, ends that depression in suicide.

Britney Spears is the latest laughing-stock since shaving off her hair. That girl must truly be depressed and addicted to some substance; I’m guessing either alcohol or prescription narcotics, judging from the way she fell asleep at a party she was “hosting” New Year’s Eve. Or maybe both, which can be a lethal combination. But that’s just a guess.

This morning I made one of my M.D. visits to the V.A. medical center and what struck me — and has caught my attention for the past three-plus years — are the number of young men and women Britney’s age and younger hobbling in on prosthetics and/or crutches, rolled in via wheelchairs; or they’re missing arms or wear eye-patches or walk so carefully with canes for the blind. That’s depressing.

Are you aware of what’s going on in this world? Do you know anyone who has to make regular visits a V.A. hospital due to injuries incurred in Iraq or Afghanistan? For most Americans, the cost of this war is non-existent. There is no draft and with Bush’s war in Iraq, the wisdom of having a draft has become apparent. If more Americans had to shoulder the burden, it’s not likely this war would have started, or dragged on for so long.

Hillary Clinton just said that if elected president she would keep American forces in Iraq, in smaller numbers than are now present, but still that diminishes her chances of winning the Democratic nomination. I have to give her kudos though, she knows she’s going against the rising tide in the lefty, progressive, Democratic ranks, but she’s sticking to her position, right or wrong.

More young men and women, for years to come, will be required to visit the V.A. medical centers around the Nation. A large percentage will suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which, for many, will go undiagnosed for years to come. They will join the ranks of the chronically depressed, made the butt of jokes, like the “humorous” stereotype of the Crazed Vietnam Veteran. Don’t know many Vietnam Vets who are crazy, but PTSD is synonymous with Vietnam Veteran.
 Do you know what the symptoms of PTSD are? Probably not, but you saw enough TV shows, sitcoms and otherwise, so you think you know. The West Wing covered PTSD over several episodes after the assassination attempt wounded Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford). They tried to capture one category of symptoms in that arc, and did a decent job for a television series.
 Symptoms fall into three categories: A) Reliving the event; B) Avoidance and C) Arousal, as in arousal of anger and/or hostility.
 You can read up on PTSD on this page from the National Institutes of Health. Don’t act like you know when in fact you don’t. Educate yourself. Ignorance is not a virtue.

Many of these young people, who once had promising futures, will find themselves sleeping on cement walkways in places like La Jolla because their disease will render them incapable of interacting with the rest of American society. And we think so little of our veterans — we treat them with such distain — they have no where to turn. Our lawmakers continue to cut the V.A. budgets and we see abominations like the Walter Reed Hospital scandal, and do nothing.

What have you done for our service men and women lately? Putting a little ribbon sticker on your motor vehicle doesn’t count. One of my favorite Playmates, my first Playmate, Cynthia Myers (December 1968), makes regular visits to the V.A. hospital near her home. She’s a peach! Sweet and always brings a smile!

So, chin up Miranda! You’re a peach too! Party like a rock star, enjoy the beautiful beaches in your neck of the woods and remember: we will always have A Doll’s House.

Given the Opportunity

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:01:00 -0700

Monday, on ABC News, Vice President Dick Cheney admitted he authorized the use of torture against Al Qa’ida suspect, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Earth shattering. Just a week ago a Senate Armed Services Committee report confirmed that U.S. personnel used torture on detainees at Guantanamo Bay, putting former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in the crosshairs of who was responsible for authorizing it. Not just authorizing it, but crafting the plan on what tortures to use and how to use them.

What kind of sick and twisted people do we have running government? The whole point of declaring these people “enemy combatants,” instead of “prisoners of war,” was designed specifically to skirt the Geneva Conventions specifically so they could torture the detainees. In other words, these twisted motherfuckers knew, going into this — maybe had decided years before they even found themselves at the helm of government — that torture is okay and they were going to use it if given the opportunity.

The report, which came out December 11, said a panel of top officials crafted the plan after a series of meetings about the use of torture and on February 7, 2002 the president signed a “memo” officially authorizing the policy. The report also says that our current Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, participated in the meetings and signed off on the policy as well.

What does it do to our diplomatic integrity when we cite our own top diplomat as being in favor of torture? And now, the man sitting at the center of power — not the president, but the real power — admits he personally authorized the use of torture?

Obviously, Cheney, Rumsfeld and their PNAC brethren had torture in mind long before Al Qa’ida brought down the World Trade Center. These guys, who had once been on the inside of power with Presidents Reagan and Bush (41), had a vision of how America should carry itself in the world as the sole superpower and in 1997 they formally put that philosophy on paper.

Lucky for them, a dimwit from Texas, whose only goal in life at the time was to be president, whose only policy ambition if elected was to reform immigration, was at the top of the Republican ticket and their man, Dick Cheney, former Secretary of Defense, had put himself in the chair of the vice president.

With the philosophy and plan of the neo-con vision already crafted, Dick Cheney could implement it if elected. The dimwit from Texas relied on other people to do his job, making it a slam-dunk for their man Cheney to be the true power in the White House and then the Supreme Court, in December of 2000, gave them the White House.

Once that occurred, the abuse of power and the destruction of American values could begin.

Dick Cheney openly controlled energy policy. He held a series of secret meetings at the White House with energy industry executives whose names — to this day — were withheld from the public. Today, we find ourselves so dependent on foreign oil — and as a result, in hock to a variety of foreign nations, most notably China — we are on the verge of collapse.
 I remember in 2003-04 when Michael Moore’s movie, Fahrenheit 911 came out, he was rebuked from all sides for the “allegations” he made in the film. There were charges of lies, yet no one would ever pinpoint what were the lies — other than the lies the Bush Administration (and campaign) were telling, that Moore brought to light. The neo-cons so effectively marginalized Michael Moore that by the time the 2004 Democratic National Convention rolled around in August of that year, he was not welcome.
 Newspapers echoed the neo-con message, even the New York Times and the Washington Post derided Michael Moore. The filmmaker and his film had been, in essence, removed from the debate.
 Four years later, who’s been caught lying now?

The Bush Administration made torture official policy, one that includes forced nudity, painful stress positions, sleep deprivation, extreme temperatures and use of dogs and water boarding, what we thought of as criminal when we tried Japanese soldiers for war crimes after WWII because they used it on American fliers. Sound familiar?

Oh yeah, the Senate report said the abuse and torture at Abu Ghraib wasn’t the activity of “a few bad apples” as the Bush Administration claimed when the soldiers went on trial for those crimes. Instead, it was a policy created at the very highest levels of government, directed by those at the very highest levels of government, leading to the conclusion that it was all a part of the effort to create a “New American Century.”

Let’s not forget extraordinary rendition, the policy of capturing suspected enemies and secretly sending them to countries that have no qualms about torture, the C.I.A.’s own secret interrogation camps in countries formerly a part of the Soviet Union, Guantanamo Bay and of course Abu Ghraib Prison in Baghdad — all of that started with the PNAC members in control of government waiting for their “Pearl Harbor Moment.”

Well, welcome to the New American Century my fellow Americans! How do you like it now?

The Bush Administration has so diminished our standing in the world, no one could ever take us seriously, not with this bunch in power. General David Petraeus, the “hero” who saved Iraq, every Republican’s favorite general, said in 2007, “Our values and the laws governing warfare teach us to respect human dignity, maintain our integrity, and do what is right. Adherence to our values distinguishes us from our enemy.”

At this moment, we are not distinguished from our enemies; we do not have the moral high ground; we are not the shining beacon of truth, liberty, justice and decency we tell our school children. We are just another second rate power ruled by despots who have no regard for human life.

The saddest truth of all is this: in November 2004 nearly 51% of my fellow voters chose this crowd to run the country for a second term. What does it say about us, as a people, that we authorized the use of torture when we elected George W. Bush and Dick Cheney to serve another four years?

Just because the Senate report was released only a week ago doesn’t mean this wasn’t already public knowledge. No, we began to learn of it long before the election and the Administration was calling those who brought it to light “traitors” for betraying those who betrayed our values. Even today there are people who think torture of our enemies is okay.

Nope, Cheney, Bush, Rice, Rumsfeld, et. al, aren’t the only ones responsible, we as a Nation must accept our share of responsibility. We gave them the green light, after the fact in 2004, but nonetheless told the ones in power they had our permission. For that, we are responsible.

The Virgin Controversy

nospam@example.com (Tim Forkes) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:01:00 -0700

Here’s a bit of over-publicized nonsense.

Let me preference this by first saying this had orginally been a part of yesterday’s column, but it grew too long so I used the power of the “Cut and Paste” function to make it today’s rant.

I’ve been a fan of Playboy since 1968 when I surreptitiously spied my first issue with my brother Rick down in the basement in the old man’s work room. We would smoke pot down there too!
 But that’s a different tale for another day. Rick and I did many naughty things in our formative years down in the old man’s work room!

Eldridge Cleaver was the interview, but more importantly — Cynthia Myers was the Playmate of the Month! I’ve been hooked ever since.

So, it was with great glee that I read about the Mexican edition of Playboy publishing their December issue with a depiction of model Maria Florencia Onori as the Virgin Mary — scantily clad of course. Well, not really that scanty, but quite suggestive nonetheless!

The news organizations are all reporting it as the Virgin Mary nude, which is hardly the case. Check the photo, but the news organizations have to make it as titillating as possible to grope in the viewers. Sex sells, but they should be honest about it: she isn’t nude.

What was disappointing though wasn’t the errant reporting, but the reaction from the offices of Playboy Enterprises once the complaints and condemnation started surfacing: they apologized for offending anyone! The kicker is, the Mexican edition is published by a licensee and Playboy, headquartered in Chicago, really has no influence over the editorial content of the Mexican edition. Sure, they can end the license agreement, but other than that, PEI has no control over how or what the Mexican publisher, Raul Sayrols, does with that magazine.

Both PEI and Sayrols apologized, which is nonsense. Why should they be sorry? Not to mention, why should PEI accept any responsibility? If the Catholic Church is offended, so what? The Church is never going to accept and approve of Playboy anyway.

Worse yet, in the apology, both PEI and Sayrols claimed the photo was not meant to suggest the Virgin Mary, but a depiction of a “Renaissance” they see occurring in the world today. Which is bullshit on a couple levels: A) More people today claim to be religious than at any other time and B) the cover most definitely was designed to suggest the mother of Jesus. They should retract the statements just on those points alone.

The funniest reaction came from the local priest of FOX News, Father Jonathan Morris. he said of the cover photo, “Sensing that the media feeding frenzy wouldn’t bring in purely positive publicity and facing a possible loss of advertising revenue, the publisher released what they called an ‘apology” on Friday.”

Feeding frenzy? I watch the news, like all day, and the only news channel — the only news channel — to get in a frenzy over it was FOX. The others mentioned it in most of their broadcast programs, but as of Tuesday, the story has disappeared. Father Jonathan, nothing Playboy International does brings in purely positive publicity, not even their many philanthropic endeavors that include reaching out to the men and women who serve or have served our country.

In the comments that followed Father Jonathan’s remarks, someone took him to task for spending time writing about the cover photo when we have so much suffering in the world. The good cleric wrote. “... if I were in Darfor today I wouldn’t be writing about a Mexican edition of Playboy, you can bet on that. But I’m not. I would like to be, for sure. And not only in Darfor. The world is full of suffering people. What, though, is the cause of most of this pain? It is selfishness, on a macro and micro scale. Magazine executives who are willing to disrespect the mother of Jesus by portraying her in the nude, are selfish. And with today’s media, their selfishness becomes culture …. It is for Darfor and beyond that I speak out against selfishness in all kinds.”

Aren’t you being disingenuous Father Jonathan? Whose stopping you from going to Darfor? And what does it matter whether you’re in Darfor or not? You can’t write about it because you’re not there? Bullshit! You don’t speak for Darfor or any of the other people suffering in the world! You speak only for the headlines that will get enough reader response to justify FOX giving you a paycheck and the suffering in Darfor isn’t sexy — the cover of the Mexican edition of Playboy is the titillation you’re after.

Even more egregious, in another’s comments to Father Jonathan’s blog, after quoting a few statistics about the number of Christians — and Catholics, being sure to separate the two — in Mexico, one writer suggested “we need to .k.i.l.l.” not only the people who bought the magazine (about 80,000 total), but the 5% of the Mexican population that don’t consider themselves Christian or Catholic.

In his reply to that, Father Jonathan questioned the writer’s references about the statistics, but agreed with the writer’s premise without any admonition for suggesting we kill 5.4 million people because they don’t believe Jesus Christ is the way.
 According to the Mexican census, as of 2007 Mexico has a population of 108,700,891.
 Makes you wonder: how many of them are actually here in the United States?

Real Christian values there Father Jonathan. And stop lying about the cover; the model is not nude. It’s a small lie to be sure, but you use it to sell your column and your employer’s brand and that’s really bullshit!

I love Playboy and the Playmates. When I was hospitalized over the holidays one year, Playboy was one of only two organizations that thought enough of my fellow patients and I to send people to visit in the hospitals and they continue that tradition today — quietly, without fanfare. They don’t do it for “purely positive publicity,” they do it because the company and the models — all volunteers — appreciate the sacrifice service people make to defend their security and right to publish or appear in a magazine (and web site) like Playboy.
 The other organization: The Miss America Pageant.

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On a happier note: one of my favorite Playboy models, Roxanne Dawn, said she has big news coming! She hasn’t given us the great details, but we do know it isn’t Roxanne as a Playmate of the Month. Too bad. But, her news is really big and when it’s official I’ll announce it here!

For now, I’ll just post a photo!